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And the ballet instructor cackled again, sharp chin jutting, narrow shoulders painfully rigid under a practice leotard.
“That’s right,” she snapped. “Last year it was Natalie, and then the year before that, Lucy Jane. And then before that, who was it?” she tapped her head, pretending to think. “Oh right, there were two that year, there was Mary first, and then Marie. It was hard to keep the names straight,” she whispered harshly, garbage breath blowing on my face again. “I heard he kept mixing them up.”
And at that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. Because I thought Luke and I had something special, but evidently, this was just business for him. This was his way of life, what he did every year, seducing the newest, ripest ballerina, making her love him, making her worship at his feet.
And the worst part was that I’d fallen for it. I was a dumb, naïve chick from Kansas, without any idea how the big world really worked, and I’d tumbled down the well. Hell, more than that. I’d swum out deep into the ocean, and now water filled my lungs, drowning me, with no hope of being saved.
Miss Lane’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Got it?” cracked that whip-like voice. “It’s always hard for the new girls, they think he’s such a hero,” she added with a mean smile. “But you’ll get over it, they always do.”
My lip trembled, feet still rooted in place.
“Bu- but what happened to Natalie?” I stammered, sweating heavily now. Oh god, oh god, I had to get out of here, but I had to know as well. “What happened to Lucy Jane?”
The names were unfamiliar, but in passing, I’d heard them whispered, always with furtive looks behind raised hands.
And at that, Miss Lane threw her head back and cackled, drawing a couple startled glances.
“What do you think?” she cried out. “They were fired of course! The ladies did their year-long stint here, and then bye-bye! Your pussy’s used and abused, it’s no good anymore. There’s a fresh crop of girls coming, so sayonara!” she sang, turning away.
And with that, Miss Lane stalked off, narrow back twitching, bending low to talk with a group of dancers before bursting out into painful rat-a-tat laughter again. I stood in place, unable to move for a moment. Because what if it was true? Was I really just the latest in a long line of ingénues? Was I really that dumb girl who’d fallen head over heels with her powerful, charismatic boss?
And walking blindly to the changing room, my head whirled. Oh my god, oh my god. Dorothy had left Kansas, but there was no Tin Man or Scarecrow to show her the way. She’d gone solo and look what had happened. I’d been taken, I’d been used as the latest in a long line of nubile ballerinas, ready to fall at Luke Lyons’s feet.
Alone now, my shoulders slumped. I dropped onto the bench, my bag landing on the floor with a thunk. Because it was true. Miss Lane had guessed the scene of my seduction like she’d seen it herself, like she’d been a witness to the whole thing. And suddenly, I realized that my ballet career was over. Lucy Jane and Natalie had been run off. They’d danced their solos, they’d done their arabesques, kicked their feet high in the air, and now it was all over. Luke was no longer interested, the girls were just dead weight to the troupe. Why let them stay when there was a newer, younger girl dying to join the Academy?
A short, painful sob burst from my chest, body doubling over in agony. Oh god, I’d been so dumb. I’d been so stupid and naïve, and my limbs twisted in a frenzy, ripping the dirty leotard from my body. The pink material drooped in my fingers, nylon still wet. Oh god, oh god, this was his spunk. This was his dirty cum that was leaking from me still, the river seemingly endless.
And I did something then that made me ashamed. Because despite knowing that I’d been used, I was still in love with Luke Lyons. I still craved that big body, and hungered to feel him inside, owning me, possessing me. And like a woman in a trance, I lifted the dirty fabric to my nose and inhaled deeply. Oh god, it smelled good. The man juice was musky and aromatic, filling my senses, making me heady.
What is wrong with you? screamed the voice in my head. You were USED! He USED you, don’t you get it? Don’t do this, you’re insane!
But being with Luke has changed me, and I really am a needy woman now. Because my heart ached, mind spinning, but deep inside, I still longed for him. I longed to hear that laughter once more, and to feel his chest rumble as I laid my ear against broad expanse. I longed for those clever fingers trailing over my hills and valleys, and the knowing look in those blue eyes when I cried out.
