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Nic
December Twenty-seventh
Alumpoffuckingplastic wouldn’t hurt this much, but that’s all I was to her. Jessie. Addison. Probably every woman I’ve dated or slept with.
It’s just sex.
Hadn’t I told myself that? I told Timothy that’s all it was, but hearing Jessie say it? Wrecked me.
It’s just sex because I’m not worth anything more.
I want to go home.
“Nic?”
Celia nudges my arm and I finally open my eyes.
Jessie’s bear is tucked under my arm—Celia must have brought it back. I hand it to her and she pushes it against me.
“I don’t want it,” I mutter. My head hurts, but it’s a dull pain. I’m a little groggy still, my thoughts half-formed shadows in a fog that won’t clear, but I know what happened.
Jessie was leaving me.
“You’ll take this bear, Dominic Oliver Fontana or so help me god—”
In all the years I’ve known her, Celia has never full-named me. I snatch the bear and set it on the bedside table.
Celia sighs. “My daughter gave you that.”
“Why are you still here?” It can’t be much later than seven. She must have spent the night in that chair instead of going home like I told her to.
“Sweetie, you’re hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
She snorts.
I’m not fine. Physically, I will be. The concussion is mild and in a few weeks, the headaches should be gone. I could have gone home if Celia would’ve let me.
Being in this hospital is making my skin crawl, but I haven’t lost it like I did after Timothy’s accident. I’m starting to think that my panic that day had more to do with the sheer terror of potentially losing him than with actually setting foot in a hospital for the first time since my parents’ deaths.
Regardless, the urge to get up and walk out is only kept in check by the strong likelihood the Celia will physically fight me to keep me here.
An hour or two after breakfast, the doctors discharge me, advising me to rest.
Because my agent would want me to, I sign autographs for the staff on duty and a few patients too. Someone asks me to make an unofficial visit to the children’s ward, so I do that. I’m delaying, building some distance and a protective layer over my heart because when I get home, Jessie will be there. I’ll have to talk to her.
The bear with the little yellow cape is in my coat pocket as I climb into the back seat of William’s car. Celia’s quiet and William doesn’t turn on the radio. Timothy’s had a few concussions, so they know the routine. They’re keeping things quiet for me.
Evie and Liam give me hugs when we arrive. Amanda and Hazel too. Everyone’s quiet and subdued, and I don’t know if it’s out of concern for my headache or because of my fight with Jessie.
Jessie doesn’t come to the door. She doesn’t make an appearance after I’m ensconced in a chair by the fire in the great room. Celia sets me up with blankets, pillows, and a tray of cookies and coffee before leaving me alone.
Not alone, I guess. I still have the bear. Celia stuck him on the tray and Evie named him Captain Bearington. I stare at him. He stares back, black eyes shining and empty.
I love Jessie. Might have been nice to realize that before she broke my heart, but maybe that was the only way I was ever going to know. Wish she’d come down so we could talk about this. Maybe she’s waiting for me to come to her.
Angry voices rise from the kitchen—Timothy and Celia.
