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Not at all.
I am a woman who has been able to handle anything thrown her way and I will continue to do so.
But Boone has opened something inside me that makes me insanely curious about what more could be available to me in this lifetime. He and I have had more than one discussion about how I’ll be able to pursue my dreams now that Aiden is getting better. I’m definitely looking forward to expanding my horizons and going straight for the cliché “the whole world is my oyster,” but I want to know if Boone is the pearl inside.
I don’t dare say that aloud though because I’m not willing to disclose I’m a dork since he hasn’t seemed to figure that out yet.
Right now, as I sit on Boone’s couch next to him, his hand still holding mine, I want to know if my future could ever include someone as incredible as him. I don’t want to wonder about it. I need to know because it’s too stressful not to. My tender heart would rather be broken right now versus even twenty-four hours down the road when I know it will become exponentially more attached to him. That’s how fast things are moving for us.
At first, Boone doesn’t say anything. Not even a muscle twitches on his face. He studies me quietly and I can’t tell if wheels are spinning inside his head—potentially a gentle letdown or an affirmation that might change the course of our future.
To my surprise, consternation, and even a tiny bit of horror, he lets go of my hand and stands from the couch, taking two steps backward to face me.
Intentionally putting space between us.
My heart starts to sink as I realize I’m getting the letdown and because Boone is a good man, I know it will be gentle.
“I need some distance,” he says.
I immediately go into damage-control mode and rush to give him the out. “Of course you do. My question was way too presumptuous. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I’m not asking for anything at all. I’m totally fine with being friends. You know I’m not the pushy type and if it came out like that—”
“Lilly… please be quiet.”
My mouth snaps shut and I’m thrown off by Boone’s amused smile.
“I just need space from you on the couch so I can get these words out. When I’m near you, or touching you, my head gets clouded and I can’t think straight.”
“Oh,” I whisper.
“To answer your question, you and I have a beautiful future together.” He looks at me expectantly, as if that might prompt a response. I’m shocked by such a confident, bold statement without an ounce of uncertainty within it. I’m speechless. His amused smile widens. “I know that you and I haven’t known each other for very long but we’ve got a bond that defies logic and so I’m just accepting it as it is. I know your life is all kinds of crazy, and my life is all kinds of busy. But even though it seems it would be too hard to have anything, I’ve got more than enough room to work on whatever this is developing between us. I just hope you can find a little room to want to do the same.”
Elation sweeps through me and I nod furiously. “I do.”
I start to rise from the couch, intent on moving toward him… to touch him, kiss him… I’m not sure. Just to be close. But I stop when Boone holds up his hand, palm out in a silent plea for me to keep my distance for a bit more.
My butt hits the cushion and I clasp my hands in my lap.
“One more thing we need to talk about.” The smile is gone now and his expression is so serious, my stomach tightens. “You asked me not to treat you like an innocent and I’m not going to. My offer stands to stay here tonight because I know that movie wigged you out. And if you want to start slow with the physical stuff, we will. I’m more than willing to sleep in separate bedrooms tonight. But if you want me to touch you… if you want us to be intimate… I need you to tell me that’s what you want. This is the downside of us not knowing each other long… it can get confusing, and the last thing in the world I will ever do is hurt you. To avoid that, I might ask you some direct questions and I want you to be honest with me. And I’ll always be honest with you. For example, tonight, I’ll only go so far. I have a limit. I need to go slow with you.”
A pent-up breath wheezes out. “I don’t even understand what that means.”
“Do you want me to be blunt with you?”
I nod again, this time not as exuberant.
Boone’s expression softens slightly but I can tell he’s determined. “If you stay here tonight, and you want me to touch you, I’m going to make you a very happy woman. But I am not going to fuck you tonight. We’re going to build up to that. You need to let me know what you want.”
I don’t know that he could have said anything to shock me more. My face turns nuclear and my eyes feel like they’re going to bug out of my head. I’m completely appreciative that he’s laying it all out there, and God help me, turned on that he’s refusing to have sex with me tonight.
I’ve never had a man say those words to me.
I am not going to fuck you tonight…
Which implies that he will at some point.
That he wants to.
And… he’s saying I’m special to him and he wants to build up to the ultimate act of intimacy. Even though I would gladly accept Boone into my body tonight, there is something both achingly heartwarming and fiery hot about his proclamation. But the ball is in my court and he has asked me to decide.
