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I feel Boone’s hand on my back because even though he can’t see my face from how I’m angled toward my brother, he knows that will have produced tears.
Big, salty ones leak from my eyes. “We’re going to be just fine, I promise.”
“I promise not to let Lilly put marshmallows in the macaroni salad,” my dad says, clasping his other hand over Aiden’s as tears stream down his face.
Aiden smiles at my dad and looks past me to Boone. “You’ll take care of them, right?”
“Always,” Boone promises. “I love them just like I love you.”
It’s a struggle for me not to sob, but instead I keep focused on the magic happening right now—Aiden taking his deep desire to make sure his family is protected in the only way he knows how… passing that torch to Boone.
Aiden grins. “I knew what I was doing when I hooked you two up.”
We all bust out laughing and I glance back to see Boone unashamedly wiping tears away as he locks eyes with my brother. It’s a vow they just sealed.
“I’m tired,” Aiden says, tugging his hands away from me and Dad. “I’m going back to sleep.”
“Do you want some morphine?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he replies. “It helps so I don’t feel like I’m suffocating.”
I know this, of course, but I nod in understanding. Turning to Boone, he stands from the chair. “I’m on it. I’ll send the nurse down and then go get that cappuccino for you.”
Aiden adjusts himself on the bed and I fuss over his blankets and kiss his forehead. He drifts off immediately and my dad settles back into the recliner but he doesn’t lay it flat. Our eyes stay pinned on Aiden for a while but then he says, “You’re an amazing woman, Lilly. I’m not sure how you turned out so strong and full of grace, but I’m so proud of you.”
“I had a good dad to show me the way,” I say as I smooth the blanket over Aiden’s chest.
“I’m definitely not a role model.” He scoffs.
My hand stills and I turn my head his way. “But you are. You always provided for me and Aiden, gave us so much love and security that we flourished after Mom died.”
“I’m an alcoholic,” he says.
“You’re a human who is working hard to be better. You’ve taught me and Aiden how to never give up, even when you have setbacks. You’re the best father in the world and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I love you.”
My dad cries and I’m not sure if that’s a continuation from Aiden or from what I just said, but we’ve all become big believers in the cathartic effects of letting our emotions run free.
♦
We eat dinnertogether in the room like we have the last two nights. Boone ran out and got us Chinese because I was craving crab Rangoon. He bolted out of here so fast because I haven’t had much of an appetite but tonight… I’m hungry. It’s my body’s way of telling me it needs nourishment and tonight it’s in the form of cream cheese and fake crab.
After everything’s cleaned up, we watch a movie. Because Boone’s a gentleman and respectful, he insists my dad take the recliner, even though he’s been in it most of the day. But then he pulls me out of the comfy chair and settles into it, pulling me onto his lap. He positions me sideways and I curl into a ball, resting my head on his shoulder as we watchA Few Good Menon AMC.
It’s a surprise, but we all manage to fall asleep. I wake up around two a.m. because I have to pee. I carefully make my way off Boone’s lap and head into the bathroom. When I come out, I see he hasn’t budged an inch. My dad lightly snores in the recliner.
I move to the bed, bend over Aiden and study him. We don’t ever turn the lights off fully and the one over the sink provides good illumination without being too jarring.
An intense shock rockets through me as I realize Aiden’s not breathing. Just as I’m about to call for Boone, he takes in a breath and the leftover adrenaline prickles my skin.
But something’s not right. I’ve stared so much at my brother the last few days, I can tell there’s been a change. His breathing is shallower and faster for a while, then there’s a terribly long pause that seems to go on forever. I hold the air in my lungs waiting for his chest to move again, and when it does, I spin to Boone. I shake his shoulder and he bolts upright.
“Go get the nurse,” I say, panicked at these changes. I’ve listened to every word the hospice nurse has said and I know the signs to look for. Erratic breathing, shallow breaths, pauses… it all means he’s deteriorating further.
Boone shoots out of the room and I move around the bed, shaking my dad awake. Within seconds Boone is back with Aiden’s night nurse, Veronica. We’ve had her many times before and she’s a sweet, young girl who’s only been doing this a few years.
“His breathing has changed. He had two really long pauses and when he starts again, it’s fast.”
She quickly runs his blood pressure, checks his pulse and then listens for a long time to his breathing with her stethoscope. When she straightens, she says, “I’m going to page the on-call doctor.”
