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I lift my gaze to him, questioning. Whatrest? What’s he talking about?
It’s Eurydice who answers for us this time. “I told Orpheus that although I enjoy him on his knees, I don’t want him there every hour of every day. He needs something for himself, just like both of us have something for ourselves. I had to back him into a corner to get an answer, but he wants to paint.”
“And you want to work for Hades.” He pins her with a long look. “Hades is a fair boss, but you’ve moved yourself from sheltered sister-in-law to employee. He won’t coddle you anymore. He’ll treat you like the rest of us, and I expect that will mean training as soon as there’s space for it.”
She lifts her chin. “I’m aware.”
“I know. There’s no shame in changing your mind though. Remember that as things get even messier in the coming months.”
This conversation is all well and good, but it’s not what I thought we were going to talk about. With Eurydice and Charon staring each other down, I should probably stay silent, but I can’t quite help myself. “What about us?”
“Elaborate.” Charon speaks so softly that for a moment I wonder if I’ve made a misstep. It takes me a few seconds to realize he’s being just as careful with us as Eurydice and I have been with each other. We’re all doing this delicate dance where no one is quite saying what they want. I could maintain that, but I can’t stand the thought of not knowing. No matter how uncomfortable this conversation gets.
“Us. You, me, and Eurydice. Is there a future with the three of us?”
He looks at me for a long moment, and then turns his attention to Eurydice. “Well?”
She clenches her fists, and then seems to make an effort to unclench them. The silence gains weight until it presses unbearably against my skin. Earlier, she said that she cares about me—about both of us—but it’s a long way from caring to wanting to build a life together. I’ve been such a little prick, and even though I’m trying my best, I’m going to continue to fuck up. It won’t be on the same level as a year ago, but that doesn’t mean that I’m entitled to them assuming good faith.
She finally exhales in a slow, steady stream that can’t quite be called a sigh. “Look, I love Orpheus. Even with all of the bullshit and baggage, I don’t think I ever stopped loving him.” She holds Charon’s gaze. “I love you too. You’ve been my best friend for a year, and you’ve given me the space and safety to learn things about myself I didn’t think were possible. I know it’s greedy, but I don’t care. I want both of you.”
Charon stares at her for a long time. I search his expression, but I don’t know him well enough to guess what he’s thinking. I get the feeling that it could take me years, and that knowledge willstill elude me. He finally turns to me. “What are your feelings on the matter?”
Fuck, this is hard. The temptation to make a joke or divert the conversation is nearly overwhelming, but I respect both of them too much to shy away from the possibility ofus. If I take the cowardly way out now, I don’t know if I’ll get another chance. “I love Eurydice. I haven’t always loved her well, and I sure as fuck don’t deserve her, but I love her.” I take a shaking breath. “I don’t know you well enough for love, not yet. But I respect the fuck out of you. You’re strong, you’re capable, and you don’t use either of those things to overpower those weaker than you. When you came to me, you could have told me to stay the fuck away from Eurydice, and I would’ve listened. The fact that you were fair, that you put her needs before yours, speaks volumes.” I clear my throat with a self-conscious smile. “And I’ll be honest—I really like fucking you.”
Charon’s lips curve. I can’t help staring; the desire to paint that barest hint of a smile is nearly overwhelming. After so long without any inspiration at all, I am glutted on it. Now isn’t the time for that though.
Eurydice leans forward and props her elbows on the counter. “We’ve shown you ours; now show us yours. You don’t get to play the restricted, quiet one when we’re putting our hearts on the table.”
“I love you,” he says simply. “I have for long time. I meant what I said when I told you we’re endgame, no matter what that looks like. At the time, I thought that meant making my peace with Orpheus’s presence in our lives.” He looks at me. “It hasn’t been that long. I won’t lie to you and say it’s already love, but there’s a lot about you I like—and I’m not just talking about fucking you. You’redifferent than I expected, and your willingness to put aside your pride to make things right when you fuck up is incredibly sexy. The foundation for love is there. I like how the three of us fit together. It feels seamless in a way that I never could’ve anticipated.”
“That’s exactly the word I was looking for.Seamless. It feels as natural as breathing to be with the two of you.” Eurydice tucks her hair behind her ears. “So where does that leave us?”
Charon stirs the vegetables and flips the chicken. “Orpheus, when you came to the lower city, your intention was to bring Eurydice back across the river. No, don’t deny it. You might not have admitted to yourself that it’s what you wanted, but itisthe truth, isn’t it?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah, that’s what I wanted.”
“And now?”
Now things are infinitely more complicated, and yet they’ve never been simpler. I look at him, and then at her. “You’re happy here. You’ve made a life here you’re proud of, and you found a place that’s yours and yours alone. I would never take that from you.”
“Even if that means you stay in the lower city too?” Charon presses.
“Yes. I follow where she leads.”
I still don’t quite know how to reconcile my family in the upper city with Eurydice in the lower city. Choosing this path will break my mother’s heart, but I’ve been breaking her heart for nine very long months. At least this way I’ll be happy, and even if my mother may have preferred my life to look a certain way, I think happiness is a strong silver medal. Or at least I hope so.
My father will follow my mother’s lead, but I genuinely thinkthat Apollo will be happy for me. I’m doing what he always wanted me to, stepping out on my own to succeed or fail without access to the family purse. Besides, it’s not like I’ll never see them again.
Charon busies himself with grabbing three plates out of the cabinet and filling them with our dinner. He sets them in front of us with the ease of long practice, and then goes about filling three cups with some kind of juice he had in the fridge. He catches Eurydice watching him and shrugs. “With everything going on right now, I don’t think it’s wise for any of us to drink. There’s a good chance that I, at least, might get a call in the middle of the night.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know.” He smiles a little. “You weren’t saying anything rather loudly.”
Dinner is…comfortable. We sit and eat and engage in a little small talk, and it’s like looking through a window into a possible future. One where we truly have built a life together, where dinners like this are the norm instead of a brand-new experience. It surprises me how much I crave that. Oh, I knew I wanted these two people. But I want thelifetoo.
I’ve only been in the lower city for a few days, but the differences between it and the upper city are still startling. In the upper city, the sensation of being watched permeates everything. The only place I feel like I can really breathe is my own apartment, and then only if I’m alone. Everywhere else, I’m all too aware that anyone I come across is one photograph or video away from selling a story to MuseWatch. In the before times, I told myself that that little feeling of being prey was something I liked, even craved. At least they wanted to talk about me.
