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Bile leaps into my throat as I throw the door open.
GWENNA
December 31, 2015
“Gwennie…”
I take a backward step, arms out to keep my balance.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Gwen. I didn’t mean to. I got out and…” His eyes close. He sways and sobs. “Breck and Dove, they came…and Breck stayed. He said you were dead! When I woke up, we were on an airplane.”
Panic rises in me, cresting quickly, dropping just as quickly off. My mind feels fuzzy.
“Why are you telling me this?” I murmur.
“That’s the problem,” he is saying wildly now. “Blue’s dad, Michael’s father, he’s a big shot. He’s the Chairman of the JCoS and he was in on it. He thought he was helping us, but since then, Gwen… They know I love you, and I’m scared now! If I tell you, Gwen—” He shakes his head. “There was no way. There was no way not to. If I never told you, you would never know…these things…that you deserve to know.” His eyes squeeze shut. “It’s my fault. I should just leave, but I’m too selfish. I don’t know. I should be dead…”
“I died,” a strange voice says.
“I’m sorry, Gwenna. I have to protect you. I couldn’t leave and tell you nothing! You’ll have to protect yourself, hide out while I—”
I tackle him. I guess I get my hand around the gun. I must, because it sails into the darkness. I go at his face, his throat, his shoulders: hitting, punching, clawing. I rip him to shreds because he’s everything I love. He’s everything I want.
He wrecked it…
BARRETT
January 1, 2016
I don’t care when I hear them come up on me. I can tell by the way their footfall sounds, even in snow: there must be eight at least. I see them moving in the trees around me. I hope they come fast. The snow’s so deep, and I’m so tired… I left Gwen when she passed out. I called her friend. Hours ago—or days?
And suddenly there’s Dove, and Blue, and more.
I look at their faces only.
I don’t want to see the guns.
I shut my eyes and summon Gwenna’s face. She’ll never understand. I love her. It was all an accident. I didn’t mean to hurt her…I didn’t mean to love her.
“Couldn’t help it.”
My eyes shut, on their own.
“Bear?” Dove’s voice; maybe Blue’s hands on my shoulders.
I blink up at him and then…the sting.
TWENTY FIVE
GWENNA
January 4, 2016
In darkness, light looks brighter. We keep passing all these little towns in—where? Where are we? Kansas? Oklahoma? Somewhere prairie-ish. It’ll be pitch black except our headlights. I’ll be half asleep, my mind wiped blank for half a second. Then that light. It looks like the beam of a spaceship from behind my eyelids. I’ll open them up and it’s like, two farmhouses and a barn. Blinding in the darkness. There’ll be this lone horse hanging by the fence line, mane all blowing in the wind, maybe a piece of tumbleweed darting across the road, and it’s just so depressing. So depressing.
It’s my fault, though. This is what I told Jamie I wanted. Get back home to my bears. See Papa. I can tell she doesn’t think I’m strong enough. She keeps mentioning my mom’s, or Rett’s house. How they want to see me. Yeah.
“Are you awake?” she murmurs.
