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“She’s back?” is Zeus’ only response.
“She is. She was there with Boxer and Makenna when she had the baby yesterday. Pretty sure she stayed after her shift was over to be with them. We met up today and she dropped some truth on me. Her truth. I don’t even know all the details and I want to fuckin’ gut her father as slow as possible. For now, just get me the information on her dad while I figure out what I need to do.”
“We’ve got your back, Shank. Always. You want this boy in your life, make it fuckin’ happen. Do you think Calla will keep him from you?” Lash asks, stepping up next to me.
“No. That’s not somethin’ she’d ever do. If she wanted to keep him from me, she wouldn’t have told me about him today,” I answer with a gut feeling that Calla wants me to be in our son’s life.
“Okay. Then go see her and let her know how it’s gonna be. If you don’t think you can be with her, make it known now. Otherwise, build your relationship up again slow and don’t rush things. Seven years is a long time. You’ve both changed and aren’t the same people you once were. Life has hardened you and you both have to get to know one another all over again. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end,” Lash says, resting his hand on my shoulder to let me know he’s got my back and nothing will ever change that.
After speaking with Zeus and Lash, I took a shower in my room just to have something to do. I’m fighting the need to go to Calla’s house with everything in me. Picking up my phone as I enter my room again in nothing more than a towel, I let Zeus know I need Calla’s address right away. Then, I call the lawyer to see what I have to do about getting my name on Zane’s birth certificate and putting some kind of custody in place if that’s what it comes down to with Calla. I’m really hoping we don’t have to drag this shit to court, but I’ll do what I have to in order to ensure I’m in my son’s life. Nothing will stand between him and me.
Zeus: Here’s her address. Let me know if you need me. I’m digging into her dad still. Already found a ton of shit that’s not good at all, brother. You’re not gonna be happy at all. Also digging into your girl to find out what she’s been up to or has happened in the past. If you can find out any other name she’d use, get it to me.
Me: Will do. Not sure if she’ll tell me or not, but I’ll try. Gonna head over there soon to talk about our son.
Getting dressed, I don’t hesitate to leave my room and the clubhouse. I don’t talk to anyone on the way out and ignore everything going on around me. Nothing here is as important as talking to Calla and figuring out how I can get to know my son. At least not to me right now. That’s all I’m thinking about and want. I just have to figure out a way to keep my anger down so I don’t blow the fuck up at Calla before I get the chance to tell her what I want.
Making the short trip to Calla’s house, I find it in one of the poorer neighborhoods. It’s not surrounded by violence or anything like that, but it’s also not somewhere I want my kid and her living. They deserve the fucking world and this is not it. However, after what little she’s told me, I have no doubt in my mind Calla has been doing everything on her own for the entire time she’s been raising our son. Time I should have been at her side and helping her. Again, the rage and pain begins to fill me. I try to tamp it down the best I can as I come to a stop in front of her house.
Getting off my bike after shutting it down and making sure it’s not gonna tip over on the uneven roadway, I head for Calla’s front door. I don’t even get a chance to knock on it before it’s opening and Calla stands before me. She more than likely heard my bike and came out before I could get close to the house.
“What are you doing here, Billy?” she asks, looking over her shoulder at something.
“We need to talk, Calla. I’m so fuckin’ angry with you and I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get over it. This is somethin’ I don’t know how to forgive. Yes, I get you thought you didn’t have any choices in the matter. However, you never once called me to tell me what was goin’ on, Calla. I’ve never once left you, Calla. I’ve done everythin’ in my power to fuckin’ find you. Then, you’ve been back here for who knows how long and still don’t fuckin’ reach out to me. I would have been at your side in a fuckin’ second, Calla. You’ve taken so much from me and I don’t know how to wrap my head around it.
“I don’t know what you have planned with our son, but I want to get to know him. I want to be part of his life and you’re not gonna keep me away from him. I’ve already talked to the club’s lawyer and he’s already preparin’ custody documents if you wanna fight me over this. There’s nothin’ I won’t do in order to be in his life now that I know about him. We can do this very slow, but I won’t be denied a future with him. I don’t want to overwhelm Zane or make him uncomfortable in any way, but this has to happen. I can’t sit back and know I have a piece of me in the world while doin’ nothin’,” I tell her, not sure what the fuck she’s gonna say to my demands.
Yes, I’m making demands because this is something I’m not gonna give the fuck up. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that I’ll be around Zane. It’s just a matter of if Calla agrees to it or if she wants to fight me on this.
“I’m not gonna fight you, Billy. I’d never do that. But, you can’t just show up here. My father has men watching me and I know it’s just a matter of time before they report back that we’ve been seen together. Zane and I will be the ones who pay for you showing up here. No one else,” Calla says, looking up and down the road to see if we’re being watched right now.
“Let the motherfucker come at you, Calla. If I have to, I’ll bring you both to the clubhouse. He won’t be able to get anyone close to you there. I can have someone go to work with you so you’re protected there as well. When I get a house, you can stay there and I’ll remain at the clubhouse until everyone is comfortable and ready to make the next move. No matter what it looks like. Before, I would have said I wanted you in my life no matter what. I’d go through hell and back to have you at my side. I’ve never believed I wouldn’t feel that way about you. Right now, all I see is red when I think of you and what’s been done,” I tell her honestly. “You get any hint of that fucker comin’ close to you, call me and I’ll be right here. Whether I’m at the clubhouse or work, I’m not far away.”
“I’m not gonna involve you in this mess, Billy. I can’t. It will only make things worse for everyone involved. You’ve got a life and I don’t want to disrupt it more than I already have today. So, you can be in Zane’s life and get to know him. We’ll take it slow. I’ll talk to him tonight before I put him to bed. Tomorrow I’ll call you and we can set up a time and place for you to get to know Zane. I can’t stress how careful we need to be doing this, Billy. I won’t let anything happen to my son. Not for you or anyone else,” Calla promises me, her voice wavering at the thought of something happening to our boy.
“I’ll be waitin’ for your call tomorrow. If anythin’ happens in the meantime, call me and I’ll come right back,” I tell her, knowing I should put a Prospect or two on the house to be sure her father doesn’t find his way here.
However, I don’t want to do that just yet. It will be tipping our hand and that’s the last thing I want to do. The second I have all the information on her father is when I’ll start to put a plan in place about how to deal with him. The quicker I can eliminate him from the equation, the easier everything will be.
Turning around without another word, I make my way back down to my bike and straddle it before starting the engine. I don’t look Calla’s way again before taking off down the street. Much like Calla, I keep my eyes open and looking around for anyone who might stick out in the area that doesn’t belong here. I don’t see anything, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing since I don’t really know who the fuck I’m looking for. That will be a tremendous help to me. I’ll have to mention it to Zeus to pull the pictures of all the assholes working for Calla’s father so I know who I’m looking out for.
Chapter Four
AFTER SEEING BILLY again last night, I kept my promise and talked to Zane about his dad. I wasn’t really sure how he’d react to knowing he did have a daddy and that he’s so close to us now, but my boy is strong as hell. He asked me questions and I showed him the only picture of Billy I have. I took one when we were in school. It’s the two of us together on the bleachers during our lunch period. Billy’s holding me close and we’re both looking at one another instead of the camera I’m holding in my hand. I’m honestly surprised I got the picture at all since I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. Anyway, Zane is excited to meet his dad and wants to spend time with him. He doesn’t understand how fucking scared I am to make this happen. Neither one of them do. But, I’m not going to go back on my word and will keep my promise to my son and his dad.
I didn’t even sleep last night with all the fear filling me. I’m scared as fuck about what my father is going to do with me now. There isn’t anything to say he doesn’t already know Billy’s been here. Or that I’ve seen him the last two days. He’s been taunting me with it since he found out I was moving back home. Now it’s just a matter of time before my next beating. I hold my breath with every single sound I hear because I don’t know what’s going to happen or when he'll strike. I’ve already got bags packed to run for Zane and me. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t want Billy involved in this shit. I’ll run again before I ever let him fight this battle for me. It's not one he can win. None of us can.
Zane was so excited last night, he didn’t want to go to sleep. He kept talking about having a daddy and everything he wants to do with him. Instead of being scared about meeting Billy, my boy wants nothing more than to bring their lives together. It breaks my heart knowing this is something my boy could have had his entire life. I took it from him with the choices I made. The only thing I can say is I was young, scared, and fucking stupid as hell. If I could go back and do things differently, I would. While I wouldn’t get Billy involved in my shit with my father, I would let him know about the baby and give him the chance to be a part of his life. Hell, while I was on the run and hiding, Zane was probably better off without him.
Getting out of bed since there’s no reason for me to continue laying here, I go through my morning routine quickly. Instead of waking Zane up first as I normally would, I head downstairs and get breakfast going. Today he’s having pancakes and bacon. It’s one of his favorite meals and since I know he’ll be bouncing off the walls in his continued excitement, I’m going to make it for him. Once everything is ready, I start my coffee while cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. It’s only when everything is done that I go to get my boy up. As I thought, Zane didn’t hesitate to wake up this morning. He races me downstairs and takes his seat at the table where his food is already waiting for him. I pour his milk before making my coffee and a few pieces of toast. Taking a seat with Zane, I wait for him to start talking.
“Momma, do I get to see him today?” Zane asks me once he’s swallowed his food.
“I don’t know, little man. I’m gonna call him later on and find out what he wants to do. We have to be careful about things, but maybe he can come over here for a little while. You can show him your room and stuff,” I tell him, not sure what else to say to him.
“Can I tell my friends at school?” Zane asks me while taking another bite of his breakfast.
“No, baby. Eventually you’ll be able to tell them, but for now this is our secret. Can you keep it for me?” I return, a smile on my face as if we’re doing nothing more than playing a game.
