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He can't be serious.
"I didn't say it was."
There is a knock on the door, and he turns away to open it.
"Hey."
I roll my eyes. She just won't quit, but I refuse to be part of their little love quarrel. He doesn't talk about her or mention what is really going on between them. I'm not going to pry it out of him. He bought me for what I look like, not to listen to my feelings.
"Is everything alright?" I hear him ask her with concern in his voice.
He cares about her. That much is obvious. He will always have feelings for her in his weird way. Maybe what happened in the car is his way of getting me to lighten up so he can do the deed and be done with it. He doesn’t talk to me like that. If anything, he seems annoyed that he has to deal with me.
At first, I wondered if he brought me along because he cared that I broke down. Wanting to keep me close because he was human, and he cared that I was tired of people using me.
But he's like all the rest. I'm here because he's making sure I stay pretty enough. I'm no use to him if I cut my face.
It also makes sense that he has me sleeping in his bed but makes sure not to hug or touch me. Every night, he slides in the bed and gives me his back, making sure I can't see his face, but in the middle of the night, he turns unconsciously, and I lie on the bed in the softly lit bedroom wishing he could see what I see. That he's beautiful.
"I was hoping you wanted to hang out after you're done with Ciro," she purrs.
You know what? They can have each other. I get up and pull the door open not surprised that her tits are practically spilling out as an invitation.
She gives me a sly smile. "Hi, Lillith. The girls are hanging out dancing. You should go. Maybe make some friends. Kill and I will catch up with you later."
Meaning, I'm going to fuck Kill and need you to get lost. I glance at Killian, and he's quiet. Needles prick my throat because I hate myself for caring––for letting him hurt me, for letting both of them get to me—because he doesn't correct her or tell her to fuck off.
He's waiting for me to show that her being here bothers me.Fuck him. Memories of them fucking play on a loop in my mind.
The way he touched her.
The way he never touched me.
He only looked at me like I was…nice to look at but not good enough. I'm never good enough. I wasn't for my father. He was quick to get rid of me, and I haven't heard from him since.
No one cares for you, Lillith. No one cares if you live or die. Just like no one cared about your mother. No one could ever love you. Killian will never love you.
"Yeah, I think that's a great idea. You two catch up. I'm sure it's been a while."
I turn and walk away, letting a tear fall down my face as I head toward the sound of the music.
* * *
I'm aboutto reach the chaos where bodies dance to the music. The sweat gleams off their bodies as they sway to the beat with cups in their hand. Probably alcohol.
Another thing banned on the island along with recreational drugs. You can tell people here are loaded. Girls are making out with each other, guys behind them grinding against them. It smells like sweat, smoke, and alcohol, but they are all in their element. This is how they cope. How they have fun. I look to my left, and there is an open doorway. I bet it's quiet, and hopefully, no one is in there so I can lick my wounds in private.
I notice a couple fucking near the exit. The guy thrusts inside her while her legs wrap around his waist. Her tits are in his face while she leans against the wall.Ugh. He could at least take her toward the other side where no one can see them, but I guess that's the point, for people to watch them. I guess some people get off on others watching.
Maybe Killian likes to be watched. He wasn't mad that I walked in on him and Blair. Then I think of them right now. He's probably fucking her in the room. I basically told him that I didn't care when I walked away. And he didn't come after me.
When I walk through the doorway, I notice that the music is not as loud, and it lets me listen to the voices in my head.
He wouldn't go after you. He thinks you find his face repulsive. He thinks you’re shallow, Lillith. You know why you're here. You're nothing.
I look around and notice an opening in the room. A small circle surrounded by metal allows the outside air to filter in.
I see metal pieces of old car parts with seats strewn around, making a makeshift circle. I take a seat, looking up. There are no stars in the sky like on the island. The light pollution clouds the sky, not allowing the stars to shine through.
