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She looks up with a hopeful expression. "What's wrong? You know what I want, and she doesn't mind. She knows about us. She's watched."
I look down at her hands on my chest, and all I want to do is push them away. I take a step back away from her to create distance. "She's my wife and soon will be the mother of my child. I don't have time or room for anything else. You know that. I'm sorry, Blair. I care about you, but—"
"I love you," she blurts. "I'll do anything for you. I'll be anything you want," she says desperately.
After four and a half years, I don't want Blair to touch me. It feels wrong. I tighten my jaw and clench my fists at my sides.
I don't answer, and the air feels suffocating between us. I hate that I have to hurt her, but I'm relieved that I need to tell her. It's fucked up, and I hate that she thought I wanted more because I never did. My brain is muddled with different things to say, but I can't figure out how to let her down so that she understands. I don't want you? It was fun, but now it's over. I'm a married man? I care about you, but not like that.
"Say something!" she yells, but I can't.
Blair doesn't deserve to be treated like crap, but I hurt the woman I'm interested in and let her walk away thinking the worst. That I'm fucking Blair in the room while she waits. Alone.
Lillith is always alone, and now she thinks her husband is cheating on her. Real marriage or not, it's cheating.
"I can't do this with you right now, Blair. Whatever you think we still have is over."
She gives a nervous laugh. "Have you slept with her?" She looks at me, and I'm thankful she can't see the uneasy look in my eyes when I think about Lillith.
Every time I'm with her, I think about her, and every time I'm away from her, she’s still on my mind. That doesn't happen with Blair. I don't think about her when she leaves.
"That isn't any of your business. I don't question who you fuck because it isn't any of my business."
"Has she seen your face? Have you kissed her?" She has tears in her eyes. I honestly feel bad, but I know it's not enough. I loved Blair, but it wasn't the love you read about in old books or the love my parents had.
She shakes her head, and her eyes are fixed on my mask, hoping I can see the anguish in her eyes. "I think you are the most amazing person, and you have done what no one has done for me. You have given me a home here, friends, great sex, and a life. You are everything to me. You're the most important person in my life."
I noticed she never once called me beautiful. Only one woman has called me that after the accident. One. And it wasn't Blair.
"I'm sorry, Blair, but things were never serious between us, and I'm important to a lot of people."
"Do you love her?"
I blow out a breath, making it obvious behind the mask. "I don't have room for an emotion like that. I'm not that kind of man. Not even for you."
She sniffs, and tears pool in her eyes. "You're no fun," she teases.
"I thought I was a lot of fun." I grin. "Come here."
She walks closer, and I hug her. She smells like cherries and some fruity drink mixed with alcohol. "There was never a forever for us, Blair. It was just fun, and now I have to grow up and be a man. A lot of people are counting on me."
She looks up and wipes her face. "I know. It's just hard to see you with her. I know she has to bear you a child, and that is so fucked up."
"She's been a pawn all her life, Blair. She was born and raised by them. She doesn't have a choice, and I'm using her just like they all have. She's lived secluded all her life. A prison is a prison. It doesn't matter where if there is no freedom."
"I get it. Is the network all set up?"
I don't like talking about my business or how I plan to undermine the judges and funnel resources that people need to survive. The networksystem I referred to as "The Grid" consists of a web of subterranean passageways that wind their way under the barren landscape. The tunnels are protected from the outside world by a layer of reinforced materials. The rescue of the people lies inside this underground maze, where supplies of food and other necessities are moved from safe storage areas to various distribution sites.
"Almost. I can't get into details."
Augmented reality is the technology set in place to control the planet. It was how it all started. The control. I'm working on a network that uses specific servers with obsolete computers. A dead technology I have found still works, and no one would come looking. I just have to finish setting up the firewall. It will be like the normal days or the past where there is a currency or peer-to-peer to pay for resources like organic food, services that offer a better way of life so people can work and live. They just need a head start without the control. A new era where humans control machines the way they see fit.
I watch as Sydney walks up to us, and her eyes immediately fall to my arm around Blair.Fuck.Sydney isn't the type to keep her mouth shut.
I remove my arm when she approaches. "What's up?"
She smiles and looks between Blair and me. "You two look cozy. Now I know why Lillith is out there and not here." She snickers, and I don’t like the way her eyes are glossy. She's high. "No biggie. I just wanted to ask if you were okay with Lillith dancing with Ciro."
