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Actually, I drove. Hunter’s encouraged me to get behind the wheel more often, and now, I can do it almost perfectly comfortably. Same with house parties: I feel almost totally fine at those now.
And it’s okay to bealmosttotally fine.
We can’t expect ourselves to betotallyfine after something traumatic happens. Not right away, maybe not ever. It’s okay to let bad experiences affect you, and you should never be ashamed of that. But that doesn’t mean those experiences get to redefine who you are.
You can still define yourself, no matter what.
“Just think,” I muse as our blades slice through the ice at a leisurely pace, “next Christmas, you’ll be a Canadian.”
Hunter laughs. “I’ll be living in Vancouver, but I won’t be a Canadian.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “You might be seduced by the Canadian lifestyle and change your citizenship. SayingEh?and being extra polite.”
He chuckles. “I can’t wait for you to visit me in Vancouver,” he says. Anticipation swirls in my chest at the thought. “I’m gonna buy the most expensive, high-rise apartment with glass walls and a view of the mountains, just so you’ll have the perfect view when you visit.”
I snort. “Don’t waste your money on a fancy apartment. I don’t care where you live. You can rent a studio apartment above a dive bar, and I’ll still be excited to visit you.”
“Eventually, though, I want a real house. With a big backyard. I want lots of kids running around.”
My heart squeezes. I’ve always wanted the same thing. “Me, too.”
“How many?”
My cheeks are warm against the cold air from my smile. “Four?”
“Good number.”
“Think you’ll be a one-team man, with Vancouver for your whole career? Or do you want to move around the league a bit?”
Hunter lets out a long whistle of uncertainty. “Not really up to me. Players get traded all the time. Even when they’re good. I could end up anywhere.”
Just a month ago, that thought would’ve scared me. I would worry that possible frequent moves and big changes could be the kind of thing to cause cracks in the foundation of our relationship.
I don’t worry about that anymore, though.
Does that mean I think everything will be easy and perfect all the time? No. I know it won’t be. There will be challenges. Rough patches. Annoyances.
But I don’t need to worry about the foundation. The foundation’s solid—it’s as solid as love. No matter what happens, I feel secure that Hunter will always be mine, and I’ll always be his.
We skate quietly, enjoying the crisp, quiet, serene night.
“I can’t believe it’s snowing. Snowing on Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. When was the last time that happened?”
Hunter chuckles. “It’s like nature’s giving you a present for coming back from Maine.”
I’m glad I’m back. I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I’m with Hunter.
“Hey, Phoebe?”
“Yeah?”
“How many times did I tell you I love you today?”
I laugh. “I don’t know. A dozen?”
Hunter slants his blades to stop. He turns me towards him, his hands resting on my waist.
“Damn. I’m way under quota.”
