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He lets go of my hand and then suddenly turns on his skates, so his left hand is holding my left hand and he’s facing away from me.
My stomach does a tiny flip, this position we’re in activating my memories.
“I’ve been watching YouTube,” Hunter begins. “Videos on basic pair figure skating moves. Think you remember this one?”
I laugh, my heart leaping. “Pretty sure I remember the most basic spin in all of figure skating.”
“Think you can walk my uncoordinated ass through it?” he says, crooking me a grin.
“Nothing more arrogant than false modesty, Hunter,” I say with a smile.
“Alright. Show me how to do this spin so I can immediately become better than roughly seventy-three percent of professional male figure skaters.”
My cheeks warm from laughter. “That’s more like it.”
I lead him through the basic spin. Facing opposite directions and holding hands, we rotate like a windmill, before turning towards each other and wrapping our hands together, turning the blades of our skates so that the momentum continues to rotate us into a tight circle, our chests only a foot apart.
I haven’t done a pair skating move since before the accident. Just that tiny little spin makes my heart soar.
The feeling isn’t followed by even a drop of bitterness. I don’t think about how I miss doing moves like that in competition. I’m just able to enjoy this moment with Hunter.
I’m happy with how my life is now.
Do I miss competitive figure skating sometimes? Sure. I’ll always miss it to some extent. But I’ve been able to replace it with so many great things that make me feel fulfilled.
My TikTok page is actually going great. My followers keep growing. A new skate manufacturing company even reached out to sponsor me. It’s not big money by any means, but it’s a nice extra pocket change to have.
What’s more important than that, is that my message is resonating with people. In allowing myself to be vulnerable, to open up to the whole world and talk frankly and vulnerably about my feelings and mental health struggles, other people have been encouraged to do the same.
And in showing that I can still hang onto figure skating and get joy out of it, even if in a very different way than when I was a competitive pairs skater, I hope that I help show that no matter what happens in life, you can still take control and find things that make you happy.
My meeting a couple months ago with the skate therapy clinic in Philadelphia went great. The owner of the clinic put me in touch with a similar clinic that recently opened in Vancouver. Last month, Hunter and I took a trip to Vancouver for him to meet with the coaching staff of his future NHL team. I met with the therapy clinic while we were there.
To my surprise, my TikTok reputation preceded me, and the owners were also familiar with my competitive skating career as former competitive skaters themselves. They offered me a full-time job there at the end of our first meeting.
So, at the end of this semester, I’ll be graduating with an English degree and going to Vancouver with Hunter.
“Let’s try something else, too,” Hunter says, excitement gleaming in his eyes.
“What? I hope you don’t have sex in the penalty box in mind …”
His eyebrows jump. “Damn, that is a good idea,” he says. “But, no, I had something else in mind. Let’s try a lift.”
“A lift?” I ask, nerves and excitement fluttering through me.
Hunter nods. “A simple one. Hand to armpit hold.”
A laugh blooms from my chest. “You really have been watching videos, haven’t you?”
He nods, a seriousness in his eyes. “I have. I want this to still be something you can have, something you can do safely. Something we can do together. Maybe you can have me on one of your TikTok videos sometime. When my form gets good enough, that is.”
My chest feels warm and fuzzy. Just knowing that Hunter cares this much feels like being wrapped in a big hug; feels like sunshine landing on the back of my neck.
“Let’s try it,” I say.
We skate at a slow, safe pace. Hunter places his hands just right and gently lifts me up. His form is good, and his strength is more than enough to keep me safely hoisted as he continues to glide on his skates.
I feel like a bird in the air, free and weightless. The motion is exhilarating as Hunter does a rotation. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised how good he is at this as he obviously has elite skating skills and all the strength in the world to hold me in the air. But still, I am.
