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I shove my phone back in my pocket and speed walk to Ridley Grinds. I need to sit down, and I need a cup of coffee to take this all in.
By the time my coffee is cooled off enough for me to take more than tiny sips of it, my views have passed one million.
It looks like a big wellness account reposted my video to her audience, giving it a huge boost. There are so many comments that I don’t even know how to start reading them. So many of them are supportive, saying that they’re feeling similar things to the emotions I’ve expressed in the videos, or that they’ve had to cope with similar, painful adjustments to their lives and expectations.
I want to not only read every one of these comments, but respond to them, too.
I realize that I never even responded to Hunter’s text.
Sorry. I saw your message then looked at my TT. Just … overwhelmed lol
Hunter
This is incredible. Those videos are amazing.
I wish you told me about them. I almost had a heart attack when I saw you in my for you page.
Look at how many likes you have! Fuck, I’m so proud of you.
My heart swells. Hunter telling me that he’s proud of me does … something to my chest. I like it.
I just send a heart emoji in response because I’m too astonished right now to form any more words.
I look at my profile. The view counts of my other videos have skyrocketed, too. Though not nearly as much as the one that’s still going viral. And my follower count …
My stomach twists a little, and I feel nervousness snaking through me. Do I want to be some big, famous internet account? Do I want to be an influencer?
Then again … do Inotwant that?
Maybe if this isn’t just a one-off big video, maybe if I actually get a real following on TikTok, I could use it for good. Use my platform and skating to promote mental health and wellness.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. I know that it’s possible to have a one-off video that does millions of views but doesn’t really boost the profile long-term. Maybe that’s what’ll happen to me.
Still, knowing that this one video I made at the rink yesterday has brightened the days of so many people according to their comments, makes me feel good.
A car accident that changed the entire trajectory of my life. Moving back to PA and transferring colleges. Sleeping with my lifelong rival. And now having a viral TikTok video.
I shake my head in disbelief.
This year’s been crazy. And it’s not over yet.
* * *
Casey absolutely freakedout when I showed her my TikTok account when I got home that day the video blew up.
Then she pretended to be upset with me for a couple minutes because I didn’t tell her I’d been posting those videos, and millions of people found out before my best friend.
But then she went back to being excited for me. She offered to be my agent once the top brands in the world want me to make sponsored videos for them, offering an incredibly generous seventy-five-percent commission on my earnings.
It’s Friday night, and the guys at the Ice Box are throwing a big party. It’s the last Friday before Thanksgiving break, so everyone is in the mood to cut loose. The place is packed and wild.
Casey is in the kitchen, sipping on a red Solo cup while Shane leans against the kitchen island, talking to her. Casey keeps rolling her eyes and laughing dismissively, but she isn’t walking away.
Hunter isn’t here yet. His little sister who’s in sixth grade has a star role in a school play and he wouldn’t miss it for the world. He texted me about half an hour ago that the play ended and he’s driving back now.
I was hanging out with some of the other Hot Shots guys who’ve I’ve got to know while spending time here, but most of them found other girls to lavish their attention on as the party progressed.
“Oh, hey, Phoebe.” It’s Brendan who greets me. That night I talked with him for an hour before Hunter walked me home feels like a lifetime ago.
