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Vivi turned that over and made a note. “Do you really believe that, or are you using that as an excuse to not pursue this? You do have a pattern.”
Now she was trying to piss him off. “Let me make this clear, for the hundredth time, I want a relationship with Amelia.”
The doctor smiled. “Good to hear you say it.” She blew out an exaggerated sigh. “I wasn’t sure you were ever going to admit that.”
“I didn’t realize that was in question. My problem is that I’m not sure she’s ready for a relationship withme. With all of my baggage.”
“That’s her decision to make, not yours.”
He rubbed his eyes. “She wanted to become intimate and I stopped her. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh right, I’m a decent guy now. I need to be sure that I’m not taking advantage of her. She won’t admit it, but she’s scared. She’s never experienced something like this before.”
“You know about her father and the house fire, correct?”
“Of course, but this is different. That was an accident, and while it left her grieving and it certainly changed her life, this was a physical attack against her person. Random mugging or intentional assault, her brain is trying to protect her because she’s fucking scared. You get that, right, Dr. Know It All?”
Never offended by his comments, she fiddled with her pen. “And you remember that she was attracted to you and wanted a relationshipbeforethe mugging. That hasn’t changed. Is it possible some ofyourfears are ungrounded?”
“I haven’t been in a romantic relationship in averylong time. You feel me?”
“Since before the shooting.” It was a statement, not a question. “You’ve divided your life intobeforeandafter. Not unusual, but is this about the emotional issues it’s bringing up or the physical ones?”
“Both,” he admitted reluctantly.
“I see.” She laid down the pen and removed her glasses. “Sex is an important part of life, especially between consenting partners. But, it’s noteverything. There are plenty of healthy relationships that don’t include that level of intimacy, and if it’s simply ED, Jax can prescribe a medicine for you.”
What the ever-loving fuck? Okay, now they weredefinitelyinto uncomfortable territory. He hadn’t ever considered that in his mental scenarios, but now that she’d brought it up he had a whole new bucket of worms to worry about. What if he did have sex and couldn’t get it up?
When he didn’t say anything, she went on. “You masturbate, don’t you?”
“Oh my god. You did not just fucking ask me that.”
“It’s perfectly healthy behavior, and considering your temporary paralysis, it’s not an out-of-line question. You can pleasure yourself and finish off, yes?”
He pushed to his feet. “So not going there.”
“I’ll take that as confirmation that all your parts are in working condition, and please stop acting like a prude. I can’t help you if we can’t get to the root of your problem.”
He headed for the door. “This was a bad idea.”
“If not that, what is it that you came here to talk about, Rory?”
He stopped with his hand on the knob. “You brought up her father dying when she was a kid. What if I’m just…a replacement? Someone she feels safe with. For now. Down the road, she’s going to realize that she’s way out of my league and ditch me.”
“I see we’ve circled back to your lack of self-worth in order to sabotage your own happiness.” When he turned to argue, she continued. “Do you really want to live the rest of your life alone? Do you want to be on your deathbed and realize that you checked out of the best thing that ever happened to you?”
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the door. This again. “Of course not.”
She woke up her laptop and used the mouse to click on a file. “I have a three page list of accomplishments, exploits, and operations you’ve completed in your service to your country. Do you want me to read them to you? I suspect that’s the tip of the iceberg. Doesn’t seem like you’re risk-averse or you would’ve never become a SEAL. Certainly not a spy. You’ve faced down criminals, terrorists, and traitors. You’ve also faced down your own demons time and time again. Yet, a woman who doesn’t weigh more than one-hundred-twenty pounds soaking wet, and who wants to go to bed with you, sends you into flight mode. Why do you think that is?”
Pivoting to brace his back against the wood, he slid to sit on the floor. Dropping his head into his hands, he rested his elbows on his bent knees. “Honestly, I have no clue.”
He heard the squeak of her chair, and then she was beside him, stretching out her legs and kicking off her heels. Her shoulder bumped his. “You sure about that?”
Her voice was gentle, kind. They weren’t therapist and patient in this moment. They were simply friends.
She nudged him again. “Have you ever been in love before?”
His head snapped up and he pinned her with a glare. “Love?”
