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“Sure, you can,” I said, as I used my hand to cover my laugh, and he smiled. “I mean, it’s okay for you to call her out when she’s acting irrationally.”
“Your mother makes no apologies for who she is. I knew it the day I married her, and I’ve known it every day since. We built a life together that I’m grateful for.”
“Really, Dad? You never wanted… more?”
His eyes widened. “More? We’ve got six homes, three companies, and more money than you or any of your future offspring you may or may not ever have will know what to do with. What more could I ask for?”
I dabbed at my mouth with my napkin before dropping it back into my lap. “There is more to life than material things. I’m not taking away from all you’ve built, because it’s amazing. But when I say more, I’m referring to love. An actual loving relationship.”
He studied me for the longest time before speaking. “You’re more than aware that I grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic mother and no father, Presley. I earned a scholarship to Harvard, where I was suddenly surrounded by people who had a lot more than I’d grown up with. I remember being fascinated by how relaxed they were with the daily things that had always caused me stress. Like making sure I had a warm meal or gas in the car. And I decided at that time that I was never going to be in a situation where I was hungry or cold. I was going to work hard to make sure I accomplished that.”
I knew all of this. My father was a self-made man, and that was the reason I’d wanted so desperately to make him proud. But that wasn’t what I was talking about.
“I love that you built all of this by working hard. But that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about a happy, healthy relationship. A home filled with love.” A lump formed in my throat because it made me feel ungrateful that I’d had so much growing up, yet there’d been something major missing from my perfect life. And it made me feel and sound like a brat because I’d never known what it meant to be hungry or to be without a roof over my head… I wanted for nothing materially.
And I’d learned that it was easy to be annoyed by people with money who weren’t overflowing with joy. But the truth is, money didn’t buy happiness.
Only people who didn’t have money believed that was true.
Money only bought stuff, and sure, that was wonderful not to ever have to stress about finances. But it certainly didn’t mean that life was without hardships or sadness.
Money certainly didn’t fix loneliness either.
“I suppose it’s all about what’s important to you. For me, this life, it’s what I’m most proud of. Your mother is the reason that most of this was possible.” He held his hands up to stop me from arguing. “Your mother came from a wealthy family, you know that. And she saw something in me. Trust me when I tell you, she had every guy on campus chasing after her. But she saw this kid from the trailer park as more than he was. She believed in me when no one else did. She encouraged me to go on to law school when we first got married, and she encouraged me to start my investment business on the side. And on top of that, she gave me the greatest gift of all.”
My eyes watered as I listened because he’d never shared this with me, and I didn’t know why she should be getting so much praise for seeing what a great man he was, but it made me realize how much he truly loved her.
“What was that? When she encouraged you to buy this ranch?” I knew this was his happy place, and it wasn’t her favorite home to spend time in. It was the one thing I’d noticed that she did for him. She spent months here at a time because he loved it here.
His gaze softened, and he reached for my hand. “No, Presley. She gave me you. I wanted a child, and she didn’t think she was cut out for motherhood. But I knew I was meant to have a child, and I actually dreamed of you many times before you came into the world. I would tell her about this little girl with blonde hair and dark eyes and big dreams.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks. It should sting hearing him say that she didn’t want me, but it didn’t. I knew my mother well enough to know she wasn’t someone with a burning desire to experience motherhood.
“So you forced her to have a baby?” I said as a sad laugh left my lips.
“No. She came to me one night and said she dreamed of you, as well. But she said she knew she wouldn’t be any good at it, so as long as I agreed to let her have help, she would agree to be a mother.”
I shook my head and smiled. It wassolike my parents to discuss having a child as if it were a business decision. “It’s not like buying a car or a house, Dad. I’m an actual human being, and I know she can’t stand the woman I’ve become.”
His brows shot up with surprise.
Was he seriously surprised to hear this?
“I know who your mother is, Presley. She can be cold, and she’s stubborn and strong and set in her ways. But when she looks at you… she is ridiculously proud of you. She wishes she had the confidence to do exactly what she wanted. Your mother didn’t love pageants at first; she just accepted it, as it was what her family expected of her. But you… you have always beat to your own drum. And I promise you on all that I know to be true—she admires you more than you know. She once came to our bedroom after you two had argued when you refused to wear a dress and go to that last pageant she’d signed you up for, and she said these words to me…” He paused to take a sip of water, and I waited for him to finish like he was going to tell me the secret to life.
“I’m sort of dying here. What did she say?”
“She said,” his voice softened, “‘our daughter has your ability to stand up for what she believes in. I may not agree with her choices, but I wish I had a little bit of that in me. But if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll deny it until my dying day.’”
“Why? Why deny it? Why not tell me that she admires it? Why not tell me that she doesn’t despise me?” I asked, my voice shaking as the words left my mouth.
“Because she is stoic and proud, and like I said, her strengths are her weaknesses. Just like all of us, right?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I don’t think your strengths are your weaknesses.”
“Sure, they are. I’m driven to a fault. I worked long after a doctor told me that I was at risk of a stroke. I ignored him. I thought I was bigger than any health scare. Being driven can be both a positive and a negative.”
I thought about his words. I could be stubborn when I wanted to be. I was prideful to a fault, always trying to prove myself to my mother and to everyone around me. Hell, I’d married a man I didn’t love because I wanted everyone to think I was okay after Cage and I had ended things. I was guilty of trying to look perfect to everyone around me. I’d been desperate to make partner at the firm so everyone would think I was smart enough, good enough.
