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I missed her when she was at school, or if I went a whole day without seeing her, I couldn’t wait to see her the following day. It was almost an ache that I had when she wasn’t around.
“Yours is my favorite, too,” she said before her eyes grew wide. “Daddy!”
“I’m right here.” He chuckled. “What’s up?”
He was sprawled out on the blanket, looking all rugged and sexy. We were grateful for the sunshine that was out today, and I knew our time was coming to an end, so I wanted to savor every last bit of time with them. I’d taken so many pictures of Cage and Gracie and a bunch of the three of us on my phone.
I think a part of me knew how painful it was going to be once I didn’t get to see them every day. And I didn’t know how much contact Cage would want to have once I was gone. I was going to talk to him about it today. Let him know that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
“Auntie Brinks got me a watering can. I left it in the house by the front door. Can I go grab it?”
“Yes. And I pulled the hose out so you can fill it up over by your garden.”
“Be right back,” she said, and she took off running. Cage and I both watched her as she hurried inside and then came running back outside, so excited she didn’t even close the front door all the way.
“Slow down, Gracie girl. There’s no rush. We don’t need you falling and getting hurt,” he said, and she looked back at him and smiled as she ran right past us toward her garden.
“You’re so protective. I love it.”
“I think sometimes I feel extra pressure, you know?” he said, and I sat forward to give him my full attention.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I think when you have two parents, whether they are together or not, you still have someone to share some of that responsibility with. But for me, any time I think about doing anything, I have this voice in the back of my head reminding me that I’m all she has. I can’t take risks or be selfish because if something happens to me, she doesn’t have a parent. And it works both ways because I don’t have someone reasoning with me about being too protective. My instinct is to keep her safe, and that’s what I do.”
My heart sank at his words.
How could I bring up trying to make this work, trying to find a way to see one another once a month or something like that, when he had a child to think of?
He couldn’t make me his priority, and I would never ask him to, because one of the things I loved about him most now, was how he was as a father.
“You aren’t alone, though. You have your family, and you know, I, um,” I stumbled over my words. “I would love to be part of your life, and Gracie’s life.”
He reached for my hand, and his gaze locked with mine.
“How would that work? I mean, I can’t uproot her life, you know? I’ve got a practice here, and family, and a home.”
But I’m not here.
I wanted to say it, but I couldn’t.
“I know. I get it, Cage. I do. My life is there, and I don’t know anything else. I’ve been working so long toward this goal that I can’t see a different path.” I shook my head and looked away. “I would never ask you to move. I just, I don’t know. I’m not ready for this to be over.”
He leaned forward and used the pad of his thumb to swipe the tear rolling down my cheek away. “I’m not either. But I don’t have a solution. Not a realistic one, at least. I mean, I could come visit once or twice a year. You could come here that often. But what kind of relationship is that?”
I nodded. “Maybe once I establish myself as partner, I can make some demands in a couple of years. I can request to work remotely.”
I was reaching. The partners would never agree to that. I worked sixty-hour weeks. That was the way I’d been able to advance my career. Working long hours, doing whatever it took. And I’d loved it because I had nothing else in my life.
Before now.
“How about we just see how it goes, huh? But I need you to know something,” he said, leaning forward so his mouth was inches from mine. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. Time may not ever be on our side, but I want you to know that. I need you to know that. No matter how long we go without talking or seeing one another, you own this.” He took my hand and pressed it to his heart.
“I love you, too, and I always will,” I said, my voice shaky.
“One day at a time, Raven.”
And just as I was going to lean forward and kiss him, I heard a shriek in the distance.
