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Another deep breath lifted her chest. That was not what he was expecting, but he supposed he should be grateful for an easy topic to start things off with. “Beth, you are the most content, peaceful, and appreciative person I know. The whole point of this vacation was for you to try new things and stretch your wings. Just because we are going home doesn’t mean you will never go on another adventure ever again. Now that you know you are willing and able to connect with your wilder side, I have plans for us to have adventures regularly. In fact, I had hoped that we could plan our next trip before we even leave the ship in a couple of days.”
“Really? You want to do this again?” The disbelief in her voice caught him off guard.
“Sweetheart, I apologize if I did not communicate the intent of this trip clearly. I came to the realization months ago that life was passing us by, and we were not fully engaging in it, so I decided we were going to do something about it. I hatched this plan to give you a taste of the fun we could have together, but the goal was always for you to see if you liked the taste of adventure and provide more if the experience went well. This was never going to be a one-hit wonder. It was a way to sample many different types of adventures in a short period of time so we could plan more adventures that you enjoyed in different locations all over the world.” He stepped aside and lifted her chin so he could meet her gaze, “We have worked hard all our lives, it is time for us to schedule a little more fun. That doesn’t mean we are discontent with what we have; it simply means we want to experience more of the things life has to offer.”
In this light, her eyes were the color of the sea, and Chad felt like he was drowning in them. He wanted to kiss her with every fiber of his being but knew she wasn’t ready to take that step yet. Once he crossed that line, it would be nearly impossible to go back to being only her best friend if that was what she decided on.
“Beth, are we on the same page now with what to expect when we get home?”
“Yes.”
“Are you in a better place with that particular line of thinking?”
“Yes.” She nodded her head, dropping her eyes to the buttons on his shirt.
Such a small word with so much meaning. He kissed her forehead and resumed his place behind her, sensing that it was easier to have these conversations if she didn’t have to look at him directly.
“What is next, sweetheart?”
There was a long pause. Chad wasn’t sure if she was sorting through her thoughts or trying to gather the courage to broach a more sensitive topic.
“I have you in a box, Chad.” The long pause that followed made it difficult for him to contain his laughter as he tried to sort through where that statement could possibly be going. Her voice sounded sad, so he assumed the box he was in wasn’t one he would like nor want to stay in, so he bit his tongue and thought momentarily about obstructed bowls and chicken pox. That trick usually worked, but the mental picture of Beth shoving him in a box with an obscured label and shoving him on a shelf in the back of her closet while he rattled around inside, trying to break free, nearly had him choking on a chuckle. He would share this with her later when she would find it funny as well. Right now, he had to think of something more disgusting if she didn’tstart talking soon. This was a serious conversation, and laughter would shut it down faster than a spray of cold water.
“Tell me about the box, Beth,” he urged, taking a deep breath as he began recalling the names of all the bones in the body, trying once and for all to kill the amusement bubbling inside.
“What is so funny, Chadwick Spencer Fox? I can feel the laughter you are trying to suppress.” She turned and glared at him with her most fierce look.
That did it. A belly laugh erupted from him, and he bent over, hands on knees, trying to quell it. “I am sorry, Beth. I know this is a serious conversation, and I am taking it that way. It’s just... you said you had me in a box, and all I could imagine was you trying to push me inside and me desperately trying to get out. You’re so tiny, and I am bigger, and it turned into quite the struggle for you to keep me inside, and I’m screaming,‘Let me out! Let me out!’I just know that whatever box you have me in, I probably don’t want to be there, so my brain was giving me a visual of how to break free.“ Standing to his full height, he wiped his eyes and looked at her.
A smile played on her lips. “That is actually kind of funny. Are you ready to be serious now?”
“Yes, ma’am. Tell me about the boxes. The sooner I know, the sooner I can make a plan to rip them to shreds.” He stepped closer and placed his hands on her hips, staring down into her eyes as she returned his gaze.
After another deep breath, she continued, “I put you in the friend box long ago. All the women at the hospital ogle you like a piece of rare meat in a hungry lion’s cage, and I never wanted to be lumped into that group. I got so used to you being in the friend box and ignoring all the rest that now I find myself overwhelmed with everything. It’s like you are already bursting from the box, and you’re spewing all over the place. I don’t know what to do with the mess it is making of my thoughts,of my heart.” Her gaze shone with the confusion in her heart, and it hurt him just a little, while at the same time, he rejoiced inside. She was experiencing the same moment he had months ago when he saw her as an extremely attractive and wonderful woman instead of just a treasured friend and confidante.
“I know this is unsettling, but it makes me so happy to hear you say that. I want you to see me as a man and not just a friend as I see you as a beautiful woman and want so much more than just friendship with you.”
The light of the moon reflected off the tears that flooded her eyes and began to spill over her lashes. “But that is just the thing. I am terrified to let you out of that box.” She broke eye contact and began fingering the buttons of his shirt distractedly. “I have had one great love, and I lost him. I know what that pain feels like. I have told myself all week that if you stay in the friend box, then I have a slight degree of separation, and it won’t hurt so bad if something happens. After today, I don’t think that is true anymore, if it ever was, and I am scared. I don’t think I will survive losing you the way I lost my Manny.” The tears started to really fall now as sobs racked her body.
So many emotions swirled through Chad. Exhilaration because she had all but admitted to loving him in the same way he loved her. Pain that she was experiencing such turmoil and perhaps reliving in some small measure the loss of her late husband. Fear that he wouldn’t have the right words to say to ease her suffering and help them get past this point.
After holding her for several minutes while she cried, caressing her back and smoothing the hair from her tear-streaked face as the wind whipped it around her head, he reached into his pocket and handed her his handkerchief.
Beth chuckled, which lifted his spirits and sent waves of hope coursing through him, “Even on vacation, Chad. Really?”she said in astonishment, taking it and wiping her face before turning away from him to blow her nose.
“Always, sweetheart. I never know when my waterpot will spring a leak.” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood a fraction, but wasn’t sure if that was appropriate given her loss.
“Beth, may I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” She replied, turning back to him, still toying with his handkerchief.
“If you knew that you would lose Manny so early in your relationship and be left a single mother on top of all of it, would you have still chosen to marry him?”
“Without a doubt.” Conviction rang in her voice, and she met his gaze once more, the darkness providing a small amount of cover to hide behind.
“Why? You hurt so badly after losing him that you closed yourself off to all other love besides Sarah, Tom, and Annette. Why would you do it again? Subject yourself to the pain?” Chad slipped his hands into his pockets in an effort not to reach for her again.
“Because experiencing that kind of soul-deep love, even if just for a short time, was worth it. I felt truly blessed when God brought Manny into my life. I had never felt so safe, so loved, so cared for. It was like he had been designed just for me. I can’t imagine going through my life not ever knowing that kind of love.” Her eyes widened as she looked at him. He could see the realization sliding into place.
