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“Ah, Bry.” He unfolded his arms, and she thought he would push through the water and hold her in his arms or kiss her. Then he blew out a breath, shook his head, and clamped his arms even tighter. “That’s why it’s going to hurt you.”
“You can’t ever see me again?”
“I could … but …” He swallowed and shook his head again.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked, probably too harshly. Were he and Mercedes involved? She hadn’t thought about that since day one, but maybe that was why Shawn seemed to loathe him.
Cash smiled at that. “No. Not even close.” He tilted his head and his dark gaze traveled over her, heating her up with a simple look. No, there was nothing simple about the depth and longing in that look. “Unless I could count you as my girlfriend.”
“Yes, please.” She grinned at that idea.
For a beautiful moment, she thought he’d agree.
But his smile disappeared. “I can’t, Brylee. Not in good conscience.”
“Ouch.”
“This is nothing on you.” His voice dropped low, fierce, and his dark gaze was even more intense. “You are ideal in every way.”
“Thank you.” She bit at her cheek to keep from crying. His words were beautiful, but she knew he was right. Whatever he had to tell her was going to hurt. “Cash … I’ve tried to be patient and have faith, but I need you to explain.”
“You have been patient, and I know … I have to tell you. I’ve been putting it off, not wanting to hurt you, and I’ve probably hurt you worse.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. He had hurt her, but she knew he’d never intended to.
He nodded, as if he was going to spit it out, but then he just stood there, a muscle working in his jaw, his eyes full of her.
“Are you re-enlisting in the military?” she guessed, wanting to have this over with and figure out how to move past it. If they could. “They need you on some special mission that you don’t know if you’ll come back from?”
“I was forced into retirement, Bry.”
“You were? Why?”
His jaw worked, and all the muscles in his upper body seemed to tense.
Had he been framed for something awful? She couldn’t imagine a world where Cash would do something dishonorableor fail at his assignment. He was so honorable he wouldn’t even kiss her in the tent, no matter how she teased him.
“I …” He studied the waterfall for a few seconds and then met her gaze. “Brylee, I didn’t want to tell you because I know how charitable, loyal, and good to the bone you are. Can you promise me something?”
“Sure.” She nodded, she hoped encouragingly. Why wouldn’t he want to tell her something because of those characteristics? Maybe he feared she’d hunt down whoever had hurt him and was forcing them apart. She almost smiled at that. As if she could hurt anyone.
“Can you …” He swallowed hard. “Not feel pity for me? I mean, you’ll probably feel it, but hide it from me, will you?”
“Excuse me?” She stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t think there’s a world where I would feel pity for you.” She flung a hand at him. “Look at you. You’re the most ideal man I’ve ever met. Not just physically. You're smart, can tease with me, accomplished, and focused on others and not yourself. You’re literally perfect. Why would I ever pity you?”
“Because I’m dying.”
He clamped his mouth and jaw tight the instant after those horrific words escaped.
Brylee couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. The usually refreshing water was suddenly freezing cold. She was paralyzed. The waterfall rocks would surely start falling from their moorings and crash on her head. She’d die in a pile of rubble, but it would be a million times preferable to what he’d just said. She wanted to scream out her pain and heartache, but she couldn’t even do that because she was so frozen.
Cash pushed to her. He swooped her out of the water and against his strong chest. “Breathe, Bry. You’re okay.”
She drew in a shaky breath and let it out.
“Again. Another breath. You’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.”
She drew in another breath. On the exhale, she yelled at him, “I am not okay! You are not okay! How? Why? Noooo!” She laid her head in the crook of his neck and her instantaneous tears touched his damp skin. What started out as a soft cry soon became loud, gulping sobs. She went from frozen and cold to hot and sobbing in an instant.
