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They have to pay for what they took from me.
They have to pay for my mother. They may not have pulled the trigger, but they had pushed her into taking her own life, so to me they were every bit responsible.
They had practically signed her death wish when eighteen years ago, one of them had assaulted at her workplace andraped her.
I was a product of that vile night.
My mother had tried to hold it together but something in her was never the same after that.
They had broken her spirit, and in doing so, they had broken my heart.
Blood trickles down my cheek.
No! No! No! Why won’t this freaking seat belt budge? I feel the prickling in my toes and a shiver runs down my spine.
It suddenly feels cold.
“Fuck! I am going to die like this.
I cannot help the tears that now flow easily from me.
Darkness envelops me, and I’m slipping away, the world fading into distant memories. I’m barely holding onto consciousness, a thread tethering me to reality.
As I drift, I’m transported to a place of warmth and love, to a time when life was simple and safe.
I’m eight years old again, and it’s my birthday.
It’s a sunny day, and my mother has baked me a chocolate cake.
The scent of it fills the air, and I can almost taste the sweet, rich goodness. She lights the candles, and the room flickers with golden light. I can feel the joy bubbling in my chest as I make a wish and blow them out.
I wish my mom will love me forever.
My mother’s soft voice as she sings, “Happy birthday, Rachel.”
She places a piece of cake on my plate, and I savor every bite, chocolatey heaven melting on my tongue.
Then the scene shifts, and I’m standing in the driveway. It’s my sixteenth birthday, and my heart is racing. My mother hands me a set of car keys, and the world seems to spin with excitement. It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for—the keys to my very own red Mini Cooper.
“Happy sweet sixteen, darling,” she says, and I can hear the pride in her voice. I throw my arms around her, hugging her tightly. “Thank you, Mom. I love you.”
I rev the engine, the purr of the car’s power making me giddy with delight. The wind in my hair, the open road ahead—it’s freedom like I’ve never known. My mother stands on the porch, waving, a tear in her eye, knowing that her little girl is growing up.
I see myself driving down a sun-drenched highway in the Mini Cooper. I’m grinning from ear to ear, feeling on top of the world.
I feel a terrible pain slash through my thigh, that keeps me awake.
I am awake. I can get through this.
And then the memory shifts once more, this time to the soft lullaby my mother used to sing to me at bedtime. Her voice, gentle and soothing, fills my ears. I hear a few notes of thatmelody, a melody that carried me into the land of dreams every night.
“Hush, little one, don’t you cry,
Momma’s here to sing a lullaby.
Stars above are shining bright,
Chasing away the darkest night.”
