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I nod and take the stairs to my bedroom with brick-heavy steps to get dressed for the meeting that I feel in my guts will change everything.
My life has been constantly changing within the last forty-eight hours and the worst part is that I feel deserving of it. I messed up my life big time. I brought this on me. I have never wished so strongly that I could go back in time and do things differently.
When will it ever end? Will there ever be a time when I am living for myself? Will I ever be free to do something for me?
Once in my room, I slide to the floor, pressing my legs to my chest, and wrap my arms around my legs, as my mind chimes the age-long answer I always get when I ask these questions.
There's no end to this.
I will constantly be a tool and be seen as nothing else. The only way out of this is to accept it. Because the more I fight this the more they clip my wings. And of what use is a fancy prison if you can't explore?
I hug myself tighter and empty the heaviness in my heart through tears, accepting my fate. It won't end.
Chapter Eight
BENEDETTO
“You did what?” Orazio grits and even though I can't see him, I can feel the tight grind of his teeth because of how clipped the words sound.
“You heard me, I had no water in my mouth when I said that,” I adjust my Airpod and jog around a corner entering the gravel street of the manor. The entire estate with no neighbors in sight, only mowed lawns and a vast golf club owned by Father and now by me.
“Why would you do that?” I hear his car honk, “You have to tell me what's going on here, give me something. What are you doing Benedetto?”
“I'm doing my jogging and loving it a little more than usual this morning because of the rain.”
“You know that's not what I'm asking.”
“You asked what I'm doing.” I slow down in my tracks. I like to go out as early as possible, when darkness is still cloaking, and come back when the sun is fully out. But days like today are different and I love them more.
“My ray of sunshine, listen to me…”
“What the fuck kind of blunt are you smoking to be calling me your stupid names?”
He has a specialty in making someone lose their mind.
“Will you listen to me?” he says firmly and though I hate to admit it, I have to listen to him.
“Be quick,” I say like I’m not the one who called him.
“You called me,” he reminds me, like I know he would.
“Okay then, we are done,” I don't try to end the call because I want to hear whatever he has to say.
He waits for a few seconds just to tip me off because he knows I won't be hanging up on him.
“If you have something to say, Orazio, why not get on with it?”
He chuckles, then exhales, “I get it, it's tough. I mean, you left and came back but you never dealt with it,” he exhales heavilyand makes a weird sound with his mouth, “but cutting out pictures from front pages of newspapers and magazines of your father's death and pasting it around the house won't do anything for you at this point.”
I hear him but I'm not listening. I did what I had to do to take my rage out so I could finally have a clear head to work patiently with my plan of getting Claudio killed. It was eating me up inside and it was either that or I would have fucking marched into their quarters and emptied my barrel in his skull.
“It's done already,” I clip.
“Unfortunately,” he sucks his teeth.
“And it's only the beginning,” I halt as I come to the front of the manor and see my mother in the distance, standing in front of the house.
“No no no, we can't have that happening again,” I know he is shaking his head, “You can't go about doing things like that, nobody will take you seriously.”
