AllFreeNovel
Share Us
That's how he is. And I should have fucking listened because I know he is always one step ahead to figure out what shenanigans I have under my sleeve.
“Don't go to her room, and if you can make use of a pin to stop yourself, do it,” I hear the creaking sound of a door opening and then silence, “You did already, didn't you?”
“I…” I gulp, “it just…” I exhale, “I can't help myself anymore now…” I sniff, “I want her, I want her, I just want her. It's beginning to hurt staying put in this room and knowing she is just one floor below me,” I ball my fist.
“I'm on my way, don't you dare undo my hard work, you hear me?” I hear the beep of a car, “and don't end this call.”
“I had it under control,” I gulp, “I have gone years without an episode, and it's…” damnit.
His care purrs to life and I relax a little knowing he is coming. I've got two problems. The one of hurting her, and the one of unleashing my obsessive fixation disorder. I'm trying hard to keep it in my pants but I can't. And it is not only that I want to fuck her, it's that I want to… I don't even know what I want to fucking do right now.
This stifling scent in the air, the screams I still hear, this feeling in my gut, and the anxiousness in my stomach are doing only one thing, and that's propelling me towards her.
I stand and start to pace.
Maybe it's not a bad thing to go to her. I can show up and try to help with her wounds. I can show up and care for her. Maybe that's what I should be doing.
I stop pacing and keep my eyes on the entrance of my room.
That's a lie. That's a bloody lie. I won't go in there to comfort her. I know this. I fucking know this but my mind is choosing to lure me with that.
“Are you there?” Orazio tries to crawl through my foggy mind.
“I'm here,” I tear my eyes away from the entrance.
The last time I had an episode was when I left for New York. I would have committed matricide if it hadn’t been for Orazio who showed up when he did.
I was going to burn down the house and burn them all in it for the betrayal. I had locked them in and started to take the gasoline around when Orazio showed up. It wasn’t that he could say anything to stop me when I was in that state. All he needed to do was give my mind something else to focus on, so he came close enough and shot me.
I walk back to my bed, about to sit. I'm sure I was about to sit. But then I'm out of my room, taking the stairs two at a time and heading for her floor.
“You are moving, Benedetto,” Orazio clicks his teeth, “Are you even listening to me?” He grits.
I hear him but I'm not listening. He doesn't get it. I can't stop the images of her sprinting into my mind. I can't slow them down. I'm hearing everything at once. Her laughter. Her screams. Herstringy voice. Her snarls. And I can't fucking help myself as I come to stand in front of her door.
I have to go in.
I have to bring the door down. I need access and this door is denying me that.
My head is spinning. My stomach is burning hot. I can hear my heartbeat thumping hard in my ears.
“Rosaline,” I bark and bang the door hard enough to feel the walls around me tremble, “open up and let me in,” I bang harder, “Rosaline!”
I hate this door.
I take hurried steps to the study and punch the code hastily, stomp in, and then start to search for anything that can be of help to me. I need something strong enough to break a door.
The store.
I sprint out of the study and dash for the store, almost knocking my mother off as she makes her way to me.
“Get the hell out of my way woman,” I shove her to the side and head for the store on the ground floor.
“Benedetto,” Evelyn whispers, as she walks out of her room, while keeping her distance. If I care so much the tears sprinting down her cheeks will be something to make me stop my quest.
“Go to bed, Evelyn,” I walk down the hallway, find the room, and twist the knob to open it, but it's locked.
Damn fucking doors.
