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He did this to me.
“Why would you do this to me?” I scream and throw a weak punch and break, sobbing.
There's only so much I can take from life. There's only so much that should be done to a person.
“Rose,” Lawrence barks behind me and I turn in his direction, then scuttle to him.
“He killed Dad,” I point at Benedetto.
“It's okay,” Lawrence grits under his breath, “I know,” he pulls me into a tight hug, “I know.”
“We should do something to him,” I sob into his chest.
“We will,” Lawrence exhales, trembling. He feels it too, even though he is not crying like me. He can feel the instant impact of aloneness from not having our father around.
“We need to leave, we should go home, please let's go home, I don't want to lose you too,” I spurt my words out.
“You won't,” he pulls away from the hug and cradles my face with both palms, “I'm here Rose, I will look after you,” he kisses my forehead, “I will keep you safe,” he grits and glares in Benedetto’s direction. “But for now we have to tread carefully, we are in his territory, and in this world you know there's no justice except the one you make,” he pulls me by my upper arm further to a corner, “I need you to keep doing what you've been asked to do by Father, to infiltrate and own Benedetto’s mind.”
“No… this is our chance to go back home to New York,” I stutter.
“Listen to me,” he hisses under his breath, “We have no place to hide for now where they won't find us, we are weak.”
He has a point but I don't want to be part of this life anymore. I want out. I want to put an end to this it.
“Do as I'm saying, you will see why later,” he hugs me again and then leads me with his hand around my shoulder back into the manor.
My tears won't stop coming. My chest won't stop closing in on my heart. My legs won't stop melting.
I want out. Someone, anyone.
Please, dear God. I can't go on like this.
How can I keep letting the man who killed my father have access to my body while I'm expected to say nothing about it? How can I even stand to be subjected to this life with no guarantee that it will ever end? How am I sure that the end will not ultimately be my end?
I did all this to save my father’s face and now he is dead. Because of me.
If I had just kept myself away from my lust. If I had handled it better. If I had obeyed and followed through with my engagement with Romano. So many ifs that could have led to a different outcome.
I have a hand in his death.
I killed him.
He died because of me.
My phone chimes in the pocket of my wrap dress.
Carlos: What if I ask you to be my date for the wedding? I can come to Boston to pick you up.
Finally, a chance to escape this cell.
Me: Please.
I type out through tears-blurred sight and send.
I need out.
Chapter Fifteen
