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I stand from my bed and wrap my robe around my body to go down for a cup of coffee.
I stayed in Benedetto’s room waiting for him for most of the night while smoking with Orazio. I know he said he wanted to spend time with his mother but I couldn't help myself from occasionally looking at the entrance and wishing he would show up, even if it was to take me to the clinic with him.
He never did and since I didn't want to share the bedroom with Orazio and give him more reasons to unintentionally make me choke in my sleep from too much alcohol, I retired to my room.
It didn't help that I had gotten wasted. My dreams revolved around Benedetto’s face as he rejected my offer to stay with him in the clinic.
“Good morning, Evelyn,” I slosh to the stool and sit, almost missing the spot.
“Good morning, Rose,” she smiles.
I don't even want to look up at her.
“When did you get back from the clinic?” I lean forward as she hands me a cup of coffee.
“This morning. I stayed back with Benedetto and Maria,” she walks to the oven and I am glad she does because she would have picked up on my expression.
I don't exactly know how to explain why that would make me jealous.
“How is she?”
“Very well,” She pulls out a pan of pastries from the oven and I stand.
“I will be in my bedroom, I don't feel like eating,” I down my coffee.
“Should I bring some up for you?”
“No, at least not yet, let me sleep the night… Orazio got me into his…”
She nods, understanding what I mean almost immediately after the name Orazio drops from my lips.
I nod and retire back to my bedroom, needing to wrap myself up and find a way to deal with the constant sucker punches I have been getting.
I walk into my bedroom and scamper to my bed, then throw myself on it and curl up as warm tears run down my cheeks.
I love him.
I drag a pillow to myself and hug it to my chest.
I love him so much and the painful part of all of this is that I never set out to love him. I can't trace back to when and how it got this intense. I can't trace back to what he did exactly that captured my heart this way. I can't trace back to what he said that infested my mind. I just know that I love him and I want him.
My phone chimes behind me on the nightstand and I lazily reach for it to find a text from Benedetto.
Despicable one: I'm home now.
I spring up from my bed and wipe my damp cheeks quickly, adjusting myself as if any of that matters.
I dash out of my room and take scurrying steps up the stairs, taking them two at a time as I go to his quarters m. He is back. And maybe all I need to do is remind him again with my body what we have because I am not ready to let go of this yet.
I get to the entrance of his bedroom but my legs turn to jelly and my fears come back to circle my lungs. This is not the same as when Claudio was here. At least then he wanted to explore me and now he might have had his fill of me. I can't even begin to count all the ways and positions we've had sex. All the things he had done to my body. What more could he want to do?
“Rosaline,” he calls me from his bedroom in his gravelly tone.
I suck it up and go to him, concluding not to seduce him and face more rejection.
“Hey,” I sit on his bed beside him.
“Hey,” he smiles lazily.
