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“Because you said back at the inn, and I quote, ‘I can build fires.’” I kept my voice flat to keep up the façade that I was doingherthe favor of bringing her along on this trip.
“I know. I might have exaggerated a tiny bit. Some things I can remember so clearly, but others, like the bramble …” She trailed off, suddenly looking worried that I might abandon her if she couldn’t hold up her end of the bargain.
If she only knew …
I sighed, feeling like an ass. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
She watched as I piled the sticks into a neat tentlike shape and gathered a clump of the dried grasses into a ball for kindling. Once I showed her how to create a spark with the flint and iron, I handed them to her.
Biting her lip in concentration, she began striking the pieces together until the grasses caught the spark. Then she gently blew on the bundle to make it blaze.
“I guess I do remember how to do this,” she said, placing the glowing kindling under the pile of sticks and blowing on it again. Her lips curved into a smile as the wood caught fire.
I found myself watching her. The fact that she could find a reason to smile like that after being a prisoner in Malengard for so long left me in awe of her. Despite all the terrible things that happened to her, she’d had to find a way to keep moving forward, to keep going. Just like I’d had to do after being forced to leave Askeland.
It occurred to me that we weren’t that different. We were both desperately trying to get back what was taken from us. Her with her magic and family. Me with Lila.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.
“Do you remember anything else from your past? Any clues to who you were?” I asked, handing her some of the food from our pack.
I could feel Kah’s eyes on me from where he sat on the other side of the fire, waiting to see where this line of questioning was headed.
“That’s exactly what Bloodbain asked me,” she said, her eyebrows furrowing in suspicion.
And what did you tell him?I wanted to ask again. Instead, I held up my hands in surrender. “There’s no poisoned tea here. I was just curious.”
I placed several larger sticks on the infant fire, letting the silence stretch between us as we ate. For a moment, I felt—what? Disappointment? I shook off the feeling. If she didn’t want to talk about anything but the weather from here to Askeland, that was fine. I couldn’t persuade her to trust me, not after the thread of lies I’d strung between us. Maybe it was better this way.
“The ocean,” she said after a while.
“What?” I glanced up, unsure what she was talking about.
“You asked if I remembered anything from my past. I remember the ocean.” Her voice was wistful. “I remember the taste of salt in the air. The way my toes dug into the wet sand. The scent of gazania flowers along the dunes. I dream about it too.” The firelight danced in her eyes like she could see all this in front of her. “Have you ever seen the ocean?”
“Yes.” I had. Long ago. I’d accompanied my father on a journey far south to a city nestled along the coast of the Untamed Sea. The other Kovaks in our party barely glanced twice at the infinite expanse of water, but I was enraptured. The sea seemed to possess both the strength of the mountains and the power of the wind. Staring at the endless horizon, I remember feeling both insignificant and utterly free. I’d never forgotten it.
“It’s funny,” Raven said. “I can’t remember who I am, but sometimes I think my soul belongs?—”
“To the sea,” we said at the same time.
Our eyes met. I felt the gravity shift between us, pulling my heart in a direction it was forbidden to go.
I quickly looked away, nurturing the fire to distract myself, though I didn’t feel cold anymore. Kah hadn’t said a word this entire time, and I hoped he wouldn’t chime in now. No one had ever understood my love of the ocean, not even Lila. When I’d told her about the Untamed Sea, she’d smiled sweetly before changing the subject.
After we finished eating, the glow in Raven’s eyes had faded to exhaustion. She was rubbing her hands vigorously together, as if to keep them from shaking in the cold.
I tossed her a blanket and threw another handful of sticks on the fire, watching the smoke curl upward.
Only when the silence stretched too far between us did Raven speak again. “What’s it like?” she said. “Magic, I mean. What’s it feel like?”
“Do you not remember?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“I guess I’ve never really thought about it,” I admitted. I leaned back on my elbows and looked up at the dark sky, thinking. “It feels kind of like a resonance. Like the vibration of a clear bell that rings in your chest, travels like sparkling waves under your skin, and reaches out to connect with your kana.” When I glanced back at Raven, her expression seemed distant. “Sound familiar at all?”
“Yes,” she said softly.
