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“Pure luck.”
Our eyes met, and his smile grew.
My breath caught. With his dark, wavy hair and long lashes, he was already strikingly handsome. But now the subtle dimples on his cheeks and the playful spark in his gold-flecked eyes made me temporarily forget it was cold outside. He could rule a kingdom with that smile.
“Who taught you this game?” I asked, breaking his gaze when I felt my cheeks burning.
“My father.”
“What’s he like?” I asked, desperately wishing I could remember mine.
Jeddak ran his hand through his hair, his smile slipping. “He’s always testing me.” He paused for several moments, like he was deciding if it was safe to share this part of himself with me.
“What do you mean?” I asked, finding myself curious to know more about him. I wouldn’t say he’d been secretive about his life, but he hadn’t been forthcoming about it either.
His gaze fixed on the fire. “For instance, when I was ten, my father locked me out of the house and hid the key, forcing me to use my tracking skills to find it. I slept in the woods for several days just to spite him. When I was twelve, he distracted Kah and sent three Takkan students to ambush me on my way to the city market.Forpractice, he said when I returned with a black eye. Those were some of thenicerthings he did.
“My whole life, I’ve felt like he’s been gripping one end of a rope while I’m tugging the other, causing our relationship to fray from the tension. Honestly, he’s been more like a training instructor to me than a father …” Jeddak glanced over at me. “Sorry, I’m guessing that’s more than you wanted to know.”
“It’s all right. Honestly, it feels comforting to hear other people’s memories of their lives when I don’t have any of my own,” I said. “Even if they’re not perfect memories.” Though Hen rarely spoke about her life before the mines, the few stories she’d shared about her family gave me hope that I might one day be united with mine again.
“The truth is …” He hesitated. “The truth is, I’m kind of envious you can’t remember your past. It must feel … freeing. Sometimes I wish I could forget mine.” There was a heaviness to his words that tugged at the raw parts of my heart.
I started to ask what it was that he wanted to forget, when he mumbled, “Never mind.”
Not wanting to press him, I said, “Sometimes I’m afraid of what I’ll discover about myself when, orif, I remember everything.”
He seemed to consider this. “From what I know about you, it won’t be anything you can’t handle,” he said, surprising me with his confidence in me.
I wasn’t so sure. Last night, I’d had the same recurring dream of my brother.She’ll pay for what she’s done. Did he mean me? After meeting Sora, I discarded that thought. Then again,somethingbad must have happened before I lost my memories, or I never would have ended up in Malengard.
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “It’s strange not being able to remember my life. I feel like I have this constant feeling of longing for—something. Like I won’t feel whole until I figure out what it is. Except that Ican’tfigure it out because I have nothing to go on.”
“I know the feeling,” he said.
“You do?”
“I’ve felt that way every day since I left Askeland. Sounds like you’re homesick.”
My mouth fell open. He’d just identified the feeling I’d been trying to understand for months. I washomesick. Homesick for a home I couldn’t remember. For a family I didn’t know. But I prayed that with Jeddak’s grandmother’s help, I would soon find my way back to where I belonged.
Noticing the fire dying, Jeddak rolled up his sleeves and added a large pile of broken branches that would burn while we slept. For a few moments, I watched him, my eyes lingering on the tattooed, corded muscles along his forearm. When he looked up, I quickly glanced away, my face growing hot. I needed to stop staring at him and focus on why I was here.
“Jeddak?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think your grandmother can really help me?” I asked. From what I understood, we were still a long distance from Askeland, and I needed to believe that I would regain my magic and be able to reach my brother at the end of this. I needed some hope to push past the aches and pains and keep putting one foot in front of the other as the road stretched out into infinity.
“I think so—I hope so.” He must have seen the look of exhaustion in my eyes because his tone lightened. “If there’s anyone in Eastlandra who can undo what the malarite did to you, it’s Grandmere Bear.”
I studied his face, lit by the golden flames. Just a few days ago, he was a stranger. A liability I wanted to leave behind in the stables of Malengard. Now, he felt familiar. Safe. Even though I was in a foreign land, I felt like I’d found a small piece of home in him.
“I hope so too. I couldn’t do this without you,” I said softly. I knew how much he’d risked for me already, ever since he’d fought Meat in the mines. Without his help, I’d have been long lost to the shadowlands by now. There was more to him than the brash, arrogant guy I’d first met. Well, he wasstillarrogant, but I’d recently seen a gentler side of him. Though I’d never admit it out loud, I liked both sides of him. The dauntless fighter, unafraid to storm the gates of Malengard. And the boy who loves the ocean and laughed when I bent the rules of rune dice.
Kah grunted as if in disapproval of what I’d said.
Jeddak shot him a look.
