AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He has to.
What if he’s just in it for the sex, huh? How are you going to feel then?
Adrian twists to face me and raise an eyebrow. “Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind right now. Another time? I promise."
His words are like a knife through my heart. He knows that he has a problem. I say bye to him and walk out, crossing back by the pool.
Shame and humiliation builds up within me, but I push those emotions away.
None of what I think matters anymore. I'm tired of this. I’m nothing but a fling to him.
That’s all I am and all I’ll ever be.
And I can’t tell if the realization makes me feel angry or relieved.
On the one hand, it feels good to recognize that truth of what I am to Adrian. On the other hand, it feels awful. I want to cry and scream and yell about the unfairness of it all.
And I want to shake Adrian until he snaps out of it.
I take an uneasy step back, and my back collides with a passing waiter. The tray flies out of his hand, sending shards of glass everywhere. I slip on the liquid and land on my ass, staring up at the sky.
Pain shoots through me and a cacophony of voices surrounds me. I struggle up, reaching for the shoes that fell a few feet away.
Then I stutter an apology, suddenly grateful that my sunglasses are covering half of my face.
A niggling sensation starts in the back of my skull, so I press two fingers to my temples and rub in slow, circular motions.
It does nothing to keep the headache at bay.
Or ward off the ache in my chest and around my heart.
I struggle to get up, conversation rising and falling around me still.
Then a hand darts out to help me to my feet, and I find myself looking up into Adrian’s startling eyes. “Are you okay?”
I search his face, bile rising in the back of my throat.
Why can’t you admit that you have a problem?
Why can’t I attract a nice and normal guy?
And why can’t I just accept that he is refusing to acknowledge his problems?
What I want isn’t going to change the facts of the situation.
No matter how badly I want it to.
Wordlessly, Adrian drapes my arm over his shoulders. He leads me away, out of the pool area.
I try not to dwell on how good it feels to have him next to me, or how intoxicating he smells.
Outside, the evening air is crisp, and it smells like marshmallows. I shuffle forward, hating that my entire body is reacting to being in close proximity to Adrian.
I hate how easily he makes me forget my anger.
Or how much I crave his touch, yearning for it with an ache that surprises me.
In silence, we shuffle to my cabin.
