Page 135 of I Wish You Were Mine

“So are you? Going to beg her to take you back?”

I watch the little boy grab Katie’s hand. Together they chase a squirrel they call Julie.

It’s fucking adorable. It also makes me feel like a shithead. What the hell am I doing, depriving my daughter of a life-long best friend by alienating the mother of her future sibling?

“I miss her. Like crazy. I mean, it’s literally making me crazy, Dad. We get home today, and I didn’t have any food in the house for Katie’s snack. I feel like the world’s biggest loser.”

Dad looks at me over the rim of his pint glass. “You’re not a loser. You’re just hitting a rough patch.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I put my elbow on the table and sip my beer. “I don’t know what to do, Dad.”

He drinks his beer thoughtfully for a moment. “You know, sounds like you’re real scared right now. Scared you’ll get destroyed if you lose Maren or the baby. Scared you’ll destroy your relationship with your daughter because you’ll fall down on her if you do lose Maren. Truth is—and I don’t mean to be harsh—but you’re kinda falling down on everyone right now.”

Ah, fuck. I hate when he’s right.

I gulp my beer in silence. A horrible, wonderful feelingswells inside my torso as pieces of the truth continue to come together.

“You keep doing this, keeping yourself shut off from everyone and everything, you’re gonna end up destroying your life anyway,” Dad continues. “That’s not the man I raised you to be, Tuck.”

“That’s not who I am,” I reply hoarsely.

Dad tilts his head, raising his eyebrows. He doesn’t say a word because he doesn’t need to.

I set down my glass. “Point made. You’re right, Dad. You’re fucking”—Dad glances at Katie and the little boy, who are close by—“you’refreakingright. It’s almost like I’m destroying any chance I have at happiness before it can destroy me. Like, if I’m not happy, at least it won’t hurt that bad when I lose everything. Which makes no sense.” The lightbulbs come on one after another. “Because being unhappy—isn’t that shit hitting the fan? I’m causing what I ultimately am trying to avoid.”

“Bingo.” Dad holds up his finger. “It’s no way to live. So go be happy with Maren. No one knows what tomorrow brings. But you can’t let that hold today hostage.”

I grin. “Cute. You should put that on a postcard.”

“You should make things right before it’s too late.”

Grin fading, my hand shakes as I lift my beer to my lips. I don’t know if I can trust the universe like that. I don’t know if I can trust myself.

But I do know I really can’t go on this way. Living like an emotional hermit is fucking awful. Yes, losing Maren would probably kill me.

But living without her is killing me too.

I’m so sorry, Tiny.

My God, I have never felt more like a jackass in my life. Blinking the tears from my eyes, I rummage around inside my chest for that sense of calm I felt earlier.

I can fix this. I have to fix this immediately.

“But what if Ican’tfix this?” I manage. “Dad, I’ve put this poor woman through hell.”

“You were going through hell too. She’ll understand.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

Dad looks me in the eye. “Then you pull out all the stops. What you’re running from—the thing you’re scared of—move toward it instead. Show her that while you’re a work in progress, you’re also capable of change. You’re trying, and that, more than anything, is what counts.”

I roll my lips between my teeth. “Her parents must hate me. I would.”

“Then show them who you really are too. Not the guy running scared. But the man who faces his dragons.”

Scoffing, I shake my head. “Funny you should mention dragons. I feel like one’s been living inside me ever since our trip to the ER.”

“What’s that the kids say these days?” Dad scratches the underside of his chin. “Go slay. The dragon, I mean.”

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