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What I really want to say but can’t:Stay. I like it better when you’re here.
The desire to let those words tumble from my mouth takes me off guard.
How much I wanna open up to this girl—let her in—it keeps taking me totally off guard.
Maren turns back to Katie. “Sounds like we can all play together, then.”
Katie literally screams with delight. Maren flashes me a smile. She still looks tired, but the color is back in her face. She’s got food in her belly.
Everything sucks less after a solid meal. Probably why I’m feeling better too.
“How about this?” Maren asks. “It’s such a beautiful day outside already. Why don’t we go play SuperKitties on the beach?”
Another scream. This one makes my eye twitch. “I love the beach! Let’s go.”
“You have to put on sunscreen!” I yell after Katie as she disappears down the stairs to get her shoes.
Maren helps me clear the table. “I left a message at my OBGYN’s office. I’m hoping they can squeeze me in for an appointment next week.”
I grab the plates from her and set them in the sink. “Just let me know when it is. We can take my boat over?—”
“Wait,we?”
I furrow my brow. “I’m coming with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to. If it’s okay with you, of course.”
Maren bites her lip. “Sure. Yeah, that’d be great.”
“Daddy!” Katie calls. “I pooped in my pants. It’s just a little one, though.”
I drop the forks I’m holding and groan. “This is torture.”
“We’re working on it. I got Katie if you want to finish up here.” She nods at the sink. “Or I can do the dishes. Whatever’s easier.”
Turns out everything’s easier with an extra set of hands. I try not to dwell on that fact as I clean up Katie, then throw on shorts, a shirt, and a baseball hat.
I try very hard not to dwell on the fact that Maren shows up ten minutes later wearing jean shorts and a sweatshirt.Her hair is pulled back from her face. Her brown eyes are... I wouldn’t say they’re happy. But they’re not sad either. They’re full. Soft.
Beautiful.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
Curling my hand around the keys, I force myself to look away. “All right, y’all. Let’s go.”
It might be the most gorgeous day we’ve ever had here on Bald Head. The October sky is bright blue, the sunlight’s clean and strong. It glints off a calm but cold grey-green ocean. The breeze is nippy enough to warrant long-sleeves. Refreshing but not chilly.
Was this really the same beach we came to last night? I feel a world away from that place. That news.
I take Katie’s hand and Maren takes the other as we climb down the steps onto the sand. The sun is warm on my bare legs. The air tastes like salt. Waves glide up and down the wide expanse of the beach, the receding tide like an undulating sheet of glass.
Usually Katie runs to put her feet in the water. But today she stays put between Maren and me, laughing hysterically when Maren and I swing her between us.
“Do it again!” she asks, over and over.
I pretend to be out of breath, but only because I don’t want Maren to overexert herself. “Aaaand now I need a break,” I say, and let go of Katie’s hand.
