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I nod and drink more beer. The boat rises on a wave. For one awful, jarring second, I feel like I’m going to be sick. “Yup.”
“Robert Tucker Monroe.” Dad only uses my full name when he means business. “I knew y’all were up to something when I saw the two of you helping out at that wedding last month. The way you looked at her...”
“It was purely physical. The attraction.”
Dad’s turn to give me the side eye. “You can’t lie to me, son. You like her. So what are y’all gonna do?”
He says it so casually.You like her. As if that doesn’t jeopardize everything I’ve worked for. The hard-won peace and stability that’s taken me years to build.
I haven’t allowed myself to admit that I like Maren as more than a friend. It felt too dangerous. But now that I’ve heard those words spoken aloud, I’m suddenly swimming in the feelings I have for Maren. Like Dad saying what he did was the “open sesame” password that threw open the door I’ve kept firmly shut.
And lemme tell you, the feelings I have right now feel a hell of a lot stronger thanlike.
I’m not swimming, I’m drowning.
It’s terrifying.
“I saw it in her eyes,” I say. “Today. She wants to keep the baby.”
Dad nods. “And you want . . .”
“I want to keep my family safe. I have to protect Katie. We’ve already had things blow up in our faces. If we have to go through that again...” I shake my head. Slide my thumbnail underneath the damp label on my beer. “I can’t, Dad.”
Dad is quiet for a long beat. “You know, when I look back, I always find myself thinking about when you and your sister were little. Katie’s age. Life wasn’t easy. Your mama and me,we worked our asses off. But we worked together. Our family felt closest then. Those were the happiest times of my life, Tuck.” His green eyes are crystal clear when they meet mine. “I felt like I had a real partner in your mama. That made all the difference. Made things joyful, knowing I was part of a good team doing good things.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. Look away, holding my beer to my lips. “Those were good times.”
“I know you and Katie got a good thing goin’ on, just the two of you. But I’d hate to see you close yourself off to the possibility of something different. Sometimes I worry you’re missing out on the kind of happiness I knew because you’re so intent on doing everything on your own.”
“How could I not be?” I lift a shoulder.
Dad puts a hand on that shoulder. “Not every woman leaves, Tuck, and not every love story has a bad ending.”
The lump in my throat is a moon now. Lodged right in my windpipe. “Yours did. With Mom.”
“We grew apart. But I was happy for the majority of our time together. And now I get to be happy with someone new.”
I look up at the sky. “How did you do it? Let someone in again?”
“I was—Iamscared as hell. But I’m going in anyway. I just jump in scared. From what I’ve learned, love is a worthy risk to take.”
“You’re a braver man than I am.”
“Says the Navy SEAL.” Dad grins. “All I’m saying is this. Having a baby with Maren, or a relationship, or whatever y’all decide on, might be a totally different experience than doing any of that with Becca. You’re thinking about what you have to lose if you let her in. But then you’re forgetting all the wonderful things you might gain. Like an excellent life partner. A mother for Katie. If you and Maren want to figure this out, you’ll figure it out, Tuck.”
I finish my beer. “So you think we should have the baby.”
“That’s up to you.” Dad holds up his hands. “I just want you to be happy, son. And I don’t think you’ll ever be happy so long as you’re still hung up on the past.”
It’s after midnight when I finally tear off the covers and get out of bed.
I’ve been lying awake for hours. Dad’s words running through my head in a loop.
I’m not wrong to put the family I have first.
He’s not wrong to suggest I take a chance and build a new family. One I share with a partner who’s stable. Loving. Fucking beautiful.
My pulse thumps. I can’t tell if it’s excitement, or dread, or what.
