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“It’s a long story, but I was trapped inside a burning vehicle.”
My heart squeezes. Jesus Christ, this man has been through it. I feel like I know him, but at the same time, I don’t know him at all. He’s lived so many lives, while I feel like I’ve only had my very ordinary, very sheltered one.
Guess that’s the rub when there’s a ten-plus-year age difference between you.
“Tuck,” I say, my voice thick. “I am so, so sorry. About everything.”
Looking at me, he tucks my hair behind my ear. “Ain’t your fault. And you bein’ around, it makes everything better, Tiny. We needed your sunshine more than I knew.”
His accent is more pronounced, same as it was when we were in bed together. Makes me think it only happens when he’s in his feelings.
Considering he doesn’teverallow that to happen in our daily lives, I take it as a compliment.
A compliment that makes my heart feel two sizes too big.
I am fallinghardfor this man.
“Can I ask what happened?” I swallow. “With Becca?”
He nods. “Becca was the first girl I ever fell in love with. We were eighteen. Met a little while before I went to boot camp. I was so young and just, like, wild about her in the way you are when you’re that age. We stayed together through both my deployments. My buddies back home would tell me they saw her out with other guys, but when I confronted her, she always had a good excuse. If I’m being honest, I was so infatuated with her I probably would’ve stuck around even if she didn’t. She was the one. Or so I thought. I would’ve married her before I was deployed the first time, but she thought we were too young. She finally said yes when I was discharged.”
“Oh, boy.”
Tuck smiles tightly. “You see where this is going. I didn’t, unfortunately. Or maybe I did and I just ignored the red flags. Whatever the case, we got married. I wanted to have kids and she always said she did too. But when I told her I was ready, she kind of balked. She asked me to give her a year, so I gave her a year. She asked for another year and I gave her that too. By this point we were almost thirty. She knew I wasdyin’ to be a daddy, so she agreed to try. I knew she was reluctant. I knew she wasn’t one hundred percent ready. But I thought that once she got pregnant and we had a baby, she’d be glad we did it. She’d come around, you know? Settle down.”
I have no words, so I just squeeze his leg.
He covers my hand with the enormous paw of his own. His touch is warm, dry, and it sends a shiver through me.
“Needless to say, that’s not what happened. Becca wasn’t doing well after Katie was born. She said point-blank she didn’t feel a bond with the baby. Her doctor diagnosed her with postpartum depression, which she took medication for. That seemed to help. But then one day I come home from work to find her bags by the door.” He wipes his eyes with his thumb. “She said she was sorry but she didn’t want to be a mom or a wife. It wasn’t the depression, or the baby, or any of that shit. It was just who she was—someone who didn’t want to be tied down.”
My voice trembles when I ask, “Did you believe her when she said that?”
He shrugs. “What choice did I have? Her family was fucked up, so I think that did a number on her psychologically. And one of the things that made me fall in love with her was her wildness. She didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought. While I appreciate that now, I can see how the life I wanted didn’t jive with what made her happy. But I was stubborn, and I convinced myself she would change as we got older.” He swallows. “That was unfair of me. I get that now. But back then...”
“Don’t tell me you blame yourself for what happened.”
His eyes lock on mine. In the dark, they shine with emotion. “How could I not? And regardless of who’s at fault, Katie still doesn’t have a mother.”
“What happened between you and Becca was tragic. The life you’ve given Katie is not.”
He sniffles again. His hand finds my leg and he gives it a squeeze. “Thank you for that.”
“It’s true. You have to know you’re her whole world. She loves you because you’re so damn good to her.”
“She loves you too, you know,” he says softly.
Tears spill out of my eyes. “I love her.”I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you too.
His eyes are imploring when he says, “We have to handle this carefully. With Katie, I mean. Kid’s had enough disappointment in her life. I want this to be happy news.”
“I agree. I don’t think we tell her about the baby until we’re sure everything’s okay. I was reading the packet Dr. Yelich gave me, and it sounds like once we hit the twelve-week mark, the chance of a miscarriage goes way down.”
Tuck nods. “All right. I like that plan.”
My heart thuds in my chest. I’m afraid to ask about us. What we are. How we should act around Katie.
But Tuck put himself out there by kissing me like the world was ending just now. Maybe it’s my turn.
