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I pause, my hand reaching out to guide her chin, demanding she meets my eyes. “There hasn’t been anyone else,” I say, unsure how she’s going to take the news, but hey, it’s the truth. “I haven’t slept in the same bed as anyone since you.”
She shakes her head like what I’m saying is impossible. “How could that be? You’ve had no girlfriends? No one serious in your life since…?”
Yep, and here it is. “Not since you.” I stare at our hands entwined under the water. “The brotherhood is demanding, like a beast that constantly must be fed. I don’t have the time or energy for a relationship.” The lie sizzles between us. I could make time if I wanted to. Andrei, Daniil, and Yulian did. But I’m not interested in anyone else. Not when I had everything I could ever want and lost it because I was weak.
And yet, here I am in a Jacuzzi with the only woman I want, and the only one I can never have.
Alyona breaks contact with me, floating over to the other side of the tub and looks out towards the endless horizon. There’s no beginning or end point, it’s the same vista for as far as the eye can see. Much like my life. No matter what direction I look in, it’s endless nothingness.
Until now.
Until Aly showed up like a streak of lightning—the empty void I’ve lived in is now so obvious it steals the breath from my chest.
“What’s the expression… You made your bed, now lie in it.” Aly cocks her head, bobbing in the water across from me. “I hope you’re happy, Leo, I really mean it. I hope your position in the brotherhood is everything you wanted.” She bites the inside of her cheek, as if it’s costing her to say what she’s about to. “I was angry with you for a long time, but I’ve had a realization recently. You were young—we both were—but you were too young to make a decision like that, one that would affect all aspects of your life. I don’t understand what happened, but I do forgive you.”
My stomach is in knots, my breath shallow. Of all things she could say to absolutely destroy me, it’s this. She forgives me when what I did was unforgivable. Self-loathing fills my gut, but I push it down. I can’t stand the distance between us, so I approach her, caging her against the side of the tub.
And then I tell her the truth, one that I’ve kept long buried. “I don’t forgive myself. I never will.” Not even close. Her eyes search mine, confusion swirling in her irises. I hate that I have to be so cagey, but that’s all I can say without opening Pandora’s box.
“It was a long time ago, Leo. We were kids. It was barely more than a summer fling—”
“It was a lot more than a summer fling,” I spit. Her breath catches when I grab her chin and force her blue eyes on me, pain etched in their depths. “And it doesn’t mean that I didn’t hurt you. For that, I am endlessly sorry. If I could have made a different choice…” But there was no choice. I wasn’t given a choice. I’m on perilous ground here, because she can never know that, so I veer into safer territory. “Does this mean you won’t be shooting me daggers at every family event and holiday from now on?”
She snorts. “I’m sure we can be civil with each other from now on. Yulian will be relieved. He never really understood what the beef was between us. I told him you snapped all my Barbie dolls’ heads off when we were kids, and I still haven’t forgiven you.”
If only it were that simple, I could fix everything that lies in ruins between us. But since I can’t, I offer her the one thing I can. “I’m glad we were able to have this conversation. But you know what I’m really happy about, butterfly?” She raises her eyebrows, waiting for me to continue just as my hand snakes under the water, lightly brushing my fingers between her slit. “I’m really, really glad I got to fuck you again. Because you soaking my cock today will stand as one of the highlights of my life.”
Despite the steaming hot water, a shiver works its way through her. She’s as affected by me as I am by her. “And I’m not done with you yet. Whatever time we have together, I want to make it count. And that means giving you so many orgasms you won’t be able to walk straight.”
“Jesus.” She bites her lip, her eyes darkening with lust. “That piercing of yours… is it supposed to do that?”
I bark out a laugh. “Do what? Make your squirt all over me? According to theKama Sutra, this kind of piercing enhances female pleasure.” A flirtatious grin dances on my lips. “And it’s especially useful for G-spot orgasms.”
“I thought the G-spot was a myth, like Bigfoot or a comfortable pair of high heels.”
I cock an eyebrow at her suggestively. “Well, you tell me… was that a mythical orgasm I gave you?”
She pretends to think about it. “No, I suppose that was as real as it gets.” She pauses for a moment, her eyes flicking away before they meet mine again. “Why did you get the piercing?”
“After you, every encounter left me feeling empty, unfulfilled. I got the piercing to try and… I dunno, feel something. Anything more than numb.” I run a thumb over my bottom lip. “I got it at the same time I got this,” I say, pointing to the butterfly hovering over my heart. She’s noticed it, I know she has, despite the fact that she hasn’t asked me about it. “When I realized it was all I had left of you.”
Her eyebrows draw together, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because it’s true,” I say simply. Maybe I’m an idiot for telling her all of this, but some weird, twisted side of me wants her to know.
She sighs and stands up. Stepping out of the Jacuzzi, she grabs a towel from the ledge and wraps herself up in it. I’m not sure if I killed the buzz we have going, but she saunters towards the bedroom and throws me a beckoning glance over her shoulder.
“You coming?” she asks. “I’m starved.” I don’t know if she means for food or sex, or maybe both, but it’s not like she has to ask me twice, I am right behind her.
Willing to follow her to the ends of the earth.
CHAPTERTWENTY
ALYONA
The smellof fresh coffee and something warm, buttery, and inviting wakes me up. I can hear Leo moving around the room, but I linger for several minutes with my eyes closed, letting my mind wander.
Over the course of the last week, Leo and I have found our rhythm. It feels surprisingly normal considering we’re exes living aboard a yacht posing as an engaged couple. What happens on the yacht, stays on the yacht—like our own floating Vegas.
