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“Ty sumasshedshiy,” Andrei bites out.
But he’s wrong. I’m not crazy. Crazy is the bender I went on after I turned my back on her; the ensuing years I’ve spent trying, and failing, to fuck her out of my system; the aimless bike trips I go on looking for absolution that I never find.
A satisfied grin curls my lips. This is, in fact, the sanest I’ve felt in years.
CHAPTERFOUR
10 YEARS AGO
ALYONA
The party downstairsis in full swing—the bass line is thumping, and the distinct sound of girlish laughter floats up to my quiet refuge in the library. When the pakhan is out of town, the boys don’t waste time throwing a blowout. I’m used to it by now. I don’t mind, although I have no desire to join them.
Still, I can’t help but wonder what I would find if I went downstairs. Would Leo be talking to a pretty girl? Would he even realize if I made an appearance? I see how girls look at him—sending him flirty smiles and making heart eyes at him. Not that Leo seems particularly interested in anyone. I should know, I tend to watch him closely. He’s hard to miss. Despite being the youngest of the Kozlov brothers, he’s also the largest. At eighteen, he’s already over six feet tall and has muscles in all the right places.
A year ago, my family moved into the Kozlov’s East Hampton estate. Yes, we have our own wing of the house, but still. Thank god for boarding school or I would have to see him all the time, and honestly that would be hard knowing he sees me as a fifteen-year-old kid. Just his best friend’s little sister, and the daughter of his father’s right-hand.
For one night, I’d like to forget all that and have him see me as something else. Not likely, though, considering our age difference and Leo’s loyalty to Yulian. I’ve never had a boyfriend, so there’re no boys in my life for Yulian to scare away, but I imagine if there were, my brother’s intimidating presence would be enough to send them running.
I reposition myself on the cozy armchair, trying to focus on the book in my hands,Fifty Shades of Grey. I wasn’t expecting to like it, but a friend lent it to me, and I admit it’s kind of like book crack.
Despite the sounds of the party that continue to filter towards me upstairs in the library, I manage to get sucked into the scene where Christian takes Anastasia’s virginity. My cheeks flush and my heart beats a little bit faster. Holy shit, is this what sex is like? I’m so engrossed that I don’t notice the door creaking open or the heavy footsteps approaching until it’s too late.
A pair of motorcycle boots appear in my line of sight. I lower the book as my eyes travel upwards, taking in Leo’s tall, muscular frame. His dark hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and he’s wearing ripped jeans and a fitted white T-shirt that shows off his sculpted arms. Yulian always jokes that Leo should have been born into an MC family instead of the bratva because of his style.
“Knew I’d find you here,” he smirks, but it’s not condescending. It’s more conspiratorial. Butterflies erupt in my stomach at the little smile he offers me. He’s not like the other boys my age. I’m not even sure if I’d describe him as cute. He’s something else entirely with that sharp-as-a-blade jawline and the masculine indent in his chin. But it’s his eyes that get me. Dark. Intense. Like they can see into my soul.
He flops into the chair directly across from me, his eyes snagging on the book in my hand. “Whatcha reading?”
Shit. Fuck. Shit. My cheeks heat, and I casually toss the book aside, out of his eyeline. “Nothing, whatever,” I choke. “Just something I found to pass the time.”
He eyes me knowingly but lets the matter drop. “Not interested in joining the party?”
“Nah.” I shift my position on the chair. “Anyhow, Yulian would flip if he caught me drinking.” I’m about to smile, and then I remember my braces, so I settle for a closed-mouth grin.
“You don’t have to drink to have a good time. You can just come hang out. Play pool. Dance. I bet you don’t get to have too much fun at that fancy all-girls boarding school your papa sent you to.”
“School is fun for me.” I shrug. “And twice a year, the school holds a dance with all the all-boys school across campus. It’s alright.” What I don’t mention is how I never get asked to dance. How I’m always overlooked, especially by the older boys.
“Good. There’s nothing wrong with letting loose once in a while.”
I chuckle at that. “There’s no letting loose with Sister Agnes reminding us to act piously from the sideline of the dance floor. Kinda ruins the vibe.”
He barks out a laugh. “Nuns are good at ruining vibes. That’s why we throw parties here. It’s not about getting smashed, at least not for me, I just like to let loose without authority breathing down my neck.” He runs an agitated hand through his dark hair, weariness settling around his eyes. “Shit’s getting intense now that I’ve graduated high school and have started training…” He’s quiet for a moment. “No more carefree student life.”
I nod. Leo is eighteen, he’ll be expected to train for the next few years before taking the vor oath. Pakhan insists that they go through training like any other soldier. No special treatment when it comes to his sons, or my brother.
Leo is lost in thought, entering bratva life must be weighing heavy on him. I snake a foot out from underneath me and use my toe to nudge his thigh. His very firm thigh. “Why aren’t you downstairs taking part in the festivities? Go have fun.”
His eyes soften. “I came to find you, Aly-cat.”Aly-cat. He’s the only one who calls me that. A little spark flares within my core, and I have to remind myself tochill out.He views me as a sister, nothing more. “It’s been a while since we caught up, and I won’t be around this week while you’re home. Papa is shipping me off somewhere for training,” he says with a frown.
Still, the fact that he sought me out when he could have his pick of fangirls falling over him, does something mushy to my insides. I can’t fight the smile that breaks out on my face, braces be damned, or the blush that’s furiously moving down my neck.
“I don’t really have any exciting news,” I shrug, racking my brain to come up with something—anything—that would make me sound more interesting. “I joined the school newspaper. I’m going to be writing about fashion and style. I don’t know much about it, even though my mom is a total fashion plate,” I admit, “but I’m interested in learning more… even if I have to wear the most hideous school uniform day in and day out.”
Something heavy smashes below—the party is clearly taking a turn for the rowdy. He lets out a sharp sigh rubbing his temples. “Shit,” he mutters. “What are those assholes doing? No breaking shit in the house. Is that too much to ask?”
“You should probably go downstairs and see what’s going on.” I don’t want him to feel like he has to stay up here and babysit me. I know he’s just being nice, stopping in to say hi. “The girls are probably protesting your absence by smashing things.”
