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I wish I didn't have to leave her tonight, especially after my intense revelation, but duty calls and I can't put this off any longer.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
KIRA
It’s nearingthe dinner hour by the time Liza arrives at our estate the day after the gala. I greet her at the front door—something I’m sure seems uncouth to our staff, but I don’t care. I need to take the freaking tests and find out if I’m pregnant or not. Because if I am, it changes everything.
"Please tell me you brought them," I whisper when the door is closed behind her.
"Would I let you down?” Liza runs a hand through her dark hair as she gives me a kiss on the cheek. “It took me forever to get rid of Anatoly today, but I got three different brands to be sure. Had to convince my guard that I was getting tampons so he’d give me space.”
“I owe you one,” I say, dragging her upstairs towards the bedroom. “Actually, I owe you a lot more than one. I hope you’re keeping count.”
“Oh, sure, I have a spreadsheet and everything,” Liza jokes. “Pregnancy test delivery counts as double, though.”
“Yeah, well, let’s hope this is a one-off thing.”
Both of us freeze as we reach the top of the stairs to find Nadya watching us, her gaze sharp as knives. She doesn't say a word, but her eyes follow us with silent suspicion.
Shit! Did she hear what we were talking about?
But no. That’s Nadya’s usual stern expression, and truth be told, I have bigger issues to worry about right now. As it is, I barely slept last night, debating what I’d do if I was pregnant. On one hand, I feel a rush of excitement at the thought of a baby. Then there's Maxim, his stance on having children so clear and uncompromising. How could I possibly tell him when he's so set against it?
Even though I’m worried about Maxim leading an attack on Lai King, I’m grateful for this time alone because if I am pregnant, I’ll need space to sort out my head.
My impatience reaches a new level once Liza and I enter my bedroom. She fishes in her purse for the three boxes, all of them various shades of pink and white, because apparently pregnancy tests have to look as cutesy as the potential results they’re delivering.
“How do these things work?” I ask Liza as I head into the en-suite bathroom.
“How should I know? I've never used one. From what I've seen on TV, I think you pee on the stick.”
“Right. I’ll read the instructions.”
In no time, I have all three tests out of the box and lined up on the counter. My hands are shaking, and there's a tightness in my chest that won't ease until I know for sure. It’s awkward as hell trying to aim my pee accurately on the tiny test strip, but I manage to do it. Three times. Now, come the longest five minutes of my life. I set a timer on my phone and flop onto the bed.
Liza settles next to me, her expression soft yet serious. "What will you do if it's positive?" Her question hangs in the air, heavy with implication.
I let out a shaky breath, my gaze drifting to the ceiling. "I don't know," I admit. "Part of me wants a child. I never had a mother, other than Masha, and the mother-child bond is something I really want to experience. But I’m also terrified that Maxim doesn’t want this.”
Liza turns on her side to face me and props her head on her hand. “Do you think Maxim would make a good father?”
I’d never really given it much thought up to this point because there was no reason to. The long-term future was never something we discussed. But after this, I realize we have to.
If there is a child, nothing would make me happier than seeing Maxim cradle a tiny version of us in his arms. Maxim is rough on the outside, but inside he’s surprisingly sweet and caring. I can picture him melting into a smile as our child wraps a tiny hand around his finger. Imagining us as a family brings a lump to my throat.
"I think he would." A sober thought douses the warm flicker of my imagination. “But he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a kid, so if I’m knocked up, I might be raising this child alone.”
“Yeah, right.” Liza’s face falls with concern. “There’s no way he’s letting you walk away with his child.”
“But where does that leave me? He’d force me to stay living here, under his roof, to raise a child he doesn’t want and would resent me for having?”
Liza looks at me like I’m insane. “First of all, it takes two to tango, so this potential situation is as much on Maxim as it is on you. And second of all, you're missing the obvious—Maxim is head over heels for you, whether he’s told you or not. He might surprise you.”
“I hope so,” I say.
Liza watches me, her brow creased with concern, but before she can say anything more, the alarm on my phone goes off.
“I can’t do it. You look.”
