AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You can’t fix me!” He shoves me backward, stalking by me. I watch him grab his keys and wallet before tugging the door open. “Don’t leave this cabin, or I will find you and bind you to the fucking bed.” The door slams closed, causing me to jump in shock at the anger so clearly emanating from Logan.
Once I’m alone, I sit on the chair, shock still coursing through my veins. The roar of the truck dissipates the farther away he gets, and soon, all I’m left with is silence.
24
Logan
I’ve fucking lost it.
I should never have lost my cool, but Vera does something to me that scares the shit out of me. She makes me feel things I have no right feeling. Emotions I buried a long time ago come to the surface when she touches me, when she looks at me like I’m her hero. I’m far from it.
If she can only admit that I’m bad for her, then she can move on. I know now that no matter what I do, she’s always going to see me as a savior. I can’t be that. I’m not some prince coming to save the princess, I’m nothing like those damn fairytale heroes.
I’ve spent my life trying to get over the fact that I will never have a family. I can’t spend my life with a woman when all I want is to watch her sleep, to use her limp, lifeless body for my pleasure. How can I ever give Vera that and ask her to accept it?
When I pull into the lot of the diner, I contemplate going inside. I want to sit down, have a beer, but I know nothing will calm me down now. I need to consider what I’m going to do. Letting her go is the one option I’m convinced about, but then again, she wants this.
Can I be selfish and keep her for myself?
No. This is the one time in my life where I need to think about someone other than myself. She doesn’t need my father or me. She should have a normal life. The moment I think it, I recall where we met—online. The website in question was designed for predators to find their prey. And I know she’s only going to go back there to seek what she needs.
I can understand that because I crave it too. It’s not an emotion you can tamp down. It’s so much more. It’s visceral. Sighing, I lean my head back against the seat and look up at the roof of the vehicle. I focus on nothing in particular but the thought of keeping her.
I sit in the truck for a long while, watching couples from town walk in for the lunch rush. There are a few singles who follow the path toward the entrance, but I don’t join them. Instead, I’m lost in thought about that night.
“Shit, Vera,” I call to her. Her body is limp, but her heart is thrumming. She’s warm. Her lashes slowly flutter as if she’s fighting the fatigue. When she finally looks at me, I breathe a sigh of relief. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”
It feels like I’ve apologized to her more times than I can count in the past few days. I should never have put my hands on her, but she felt so good, so . . . normal. My body reacted to her. It’s never done that while I’ve been with anyone else.
She curls her body into mine as if she’s afraid I’m going to leave. Her delicate fingers twist in the material of my shirt, and I allow her to hold me. I can’t find it in myself to touch her, not again.
I’ve only ever hurt those I love. All my life, I’ve taken beauty and marred it with my darkness, with the desires I can’t control. At first, I denied it. I thought it was all a joke, but the more I craved it, the more I realized I truly am a monster disguised as a man.
Vera coughs, and my body goes rigid. “Don’t leave me,” she pleads into the material of my shirt, tugging me impossibly closer. I can’t move. Instead, I lie still, waiting for her to release me once her breathing evens out. But even when she finally falls asleep, she doesn’t let go.
Her hold on me is tighter than expected. And my heart thuds against my ribs. The muscle I long since forgot about is awake and wanting to leap into her small hands. It’s been so long since I’ve given myself to another person having Vera inadvertently need me is strange.
Silence greets me in the dark. Vera’s soft breaths warm me, and I close my eyes for a moment to revel in her nearness. I know she’s not mine to keep. After tonight, I know I can’t trust myself around her, so for now, I allow myself to enjoy her body curled against mine.
