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Reaching under Lexi’s bed, she found a mismatched pair of socks, candy wrappers, an overdue library book, and a family of dust bunnies. But thank the Lord, no cigar. She felt between the mattress and the box spring, a place where she’d hidden her own diary as a teen, and found nothing.
If Matt were here now, he’d scold her for invading their daughter’s privacy, but he’d missed out on these lovely teenage years and left Maggie holding the bag. A framed picture of Matt with Lexi’s basketball team sat on the nightstand beside Lexi’sbed. Maggie sat on the ground, the photo in her hands, and stared at her old life.
God, You promised You’d be with me.
Help me to remember that.
The search continued as she pulled out dresser drawers and reached into the space between them. On the second drawer, Maggie pulled out a terrycloth washrag wedged beneath, and unwrapped it. Inside its folds, she found the cigar.
Oh Lord, she hadn’t wanted to find this.
Maggie backed up to Lexi’s bed and slumped down on it holding the cigar.
Breathe. It’ll be OK.
But what if this was just the beginning. Lexi was becoming a daughter she hardly recognized. The only thing Maggie had ever wanted was to be a good mother, and now she had failed at this, too.
She’d already failed at being a wife. Matt had made that clear enough. They’d been married too young and hadn’t truly chosen each other. More like their youthful indiscretion had chosen them. Still she’d loved her husband even if he didn’t want to attend church with them. Even if maybe they’d never been right for each other. She did love him. She listened when her pastor said that she could win him over with her obedience to God and love for Him.
Now Matt had left her alone to raise their daughter, and she would do that with the help of the Lord. Even if it killed her.
Hours later Maggie sat at the kitchen table, the cigar in the center, when Lexi opened the front door with her new key.
Lexi walked to the table, dropped her backpack, stared at the table, and then glared at Maggie. “Were you snooping in my room?”
“That’s what you have to say for yourself?” Maggie swallowed.
She hadn’t known what to expect, but she had hoped Lexi would apologize, not change the subject and find fault with Maggie.
“How did you find that?” Lexi whispered.
“The officer came over today. Did you think he wouldn’t notice the cigar was missing? Did you stop and think for one second that maybe the cigar meant something to him, too?”
She stood. Did her daughter ever think about anyone but herself?
“No.” Lexi sat at the table, head bent down.
“What were you thinking? Stealing?” Maggie broke the silence. “A cigar?”
Silence from Lexi. Now she stared off into the distance as though she saw something she had every intention of throttling.
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Maggie covered her eyes.
“I knew you would overreact. So typical.” Lexi rolled her eyes.
“You callthisoverreacting? I want you to tell me right now why you did this.”
“You know why.”
“We’ve talked about this. Your dad’s things are not going to replace him, and you can’t keep thinking that they will. And you could have asked me to buy the cigar.”
“Like you would have. It’s a cigar. You probably thought I wanted to smoke it.”
“Sooner or later, we’ll find dad’s boxes.”
They had to be somewhere in the garage. Her throat threatened to close up on her, and she tried to take a breath.
“What do you care? You’ve forgotten all about him. You’re glad he’s gone! You guys used to fight all the time. Now it’s over.”
