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“I had my gun drawn. And I warned him. I yelled for him to stop shooting. I did everything I was supposed to do, Maggie, but I hesitated. For one second, I didn’t think I could shoot that kid. But he just kept shooting, and I had no choice. One clean shot to the chest, and he was done. Too bad I didn’t shoot him before he shot Robert. That one moment of hesitation cost me my best friend.”
Tears filled Maggie’s eyes, and he pulled her into his arms. “That’s not your fault,” she said on a sob.
“I hesitated. And because I hesitated, not just one, but two people are dead. Robert and Luther’s teenaged son, Marcus. He was a part of the youth group that Robert led. We thought we knew the kid.”
He wanted so badly to take back that day. Over and over in his mind, he’d thought of how he might have done things differently.
“What about his mother? Did she know?”
“His mother told us that her son didn’t want anything to do with his father. But the truth was that she didn’t even know herown kid. He’d been planning this, thought it was a way he could impress his dad. Later, we found the arsenal in his bedroom. Stupid, stupid kid.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself. You did what you had to do. Who knows how many more he might have killed?”
“Yeah, I know the drill. Shoot an unarmed kid, it’s wrong. But shoot an armed kid, somehow that’s OK. It’s still a kid who didn’t get to grow up.”
“I realize how you must feel, but he killed your partner. It’s not like he was an innocent in all this,” Maggie said.
“You want to know the worst thing about it? Robert told me he’d have done the same thing. As he was lying there before they took him to the hospital, he’d heard it was a kid. And as if he knew what I’d done, he told me not to worry. He would have done the same thing. But I second guess everything I did that day. I could have rushed him if only I was closer. But I couldn’t let him keep shooting.”
His hands shook, palms sweaty from the vivid memory of that day. No matter how many times he’d relived it, it still seemed to have the power to feel as if it were the first time.
“If you hadn’t done what you did, even more people might be dead. I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this around inside you. A burden like this should never be carried alone.” Maggie came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
She forgave him, just as Kim had done. Forgiveness he didn’t deserve.
“I’ve committed the worst sin. It’s unforgivable, and I don’t deserve forgiveness.”
“But none of us deserves it. No sin is too great, because God is great enough to forgive them all.”
“I can’t believe that. I’ve put enough murderers away to know that God wouldn’t have anything to do with those people. Evil to the core.”
“But no one who wants forgiveness is evil to the core. And we all have sin, Jack. Do you know the Bible says that no sin is greater than another?” The sound of her voice was muffled as she pressed her head against his back.
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s true. I’ll get my Bible out if you want me to prove it to you.”
He turned to see the smile on her face. The warmth in those eyes had been enough to warm his cold heart, but she still wasn’t done surprising him. He couldn’t resist framing her beautiful face in his hands.
“Not necessary. If you tell me it’s true, I believe you. Even if I don’t understand it now, I’m willing to learn. In case you hadn’t realized it yet, I love you, Maggie. Which is why this is so hard.”
Maybe if shedidn’t say the words out loud they wouldn’t count. But she wasn’t even fooling herself with that one. She’d fallen head over heels in love with Jack Butler, but now that he’d declared he felt the same she didn’t appreciate the qualifier he’d put at the end of it. And she was afraid she knew exactly why this would be so hard.
It was the reason she’d told herself that she wouldn’t, she couldn’t, fall in love with Jack. But her foolish heart hadn’t heard a word she’d said.
Jack rested his forehead against hers, a gesture which made it easier not to gaze in his eyes. If she did he might not miss her disappointment, but of course, he had to go. It didn’t mean she had to like it. Her heart raced in anticipation of the pain she knew was headed straight for her heart.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
“I have to. It was never like me to run away from my problems, and I’ve let everyone down.”
What about your friends here? What about me?She wanted to scream.Not the time to be selfish, Maggie.Please Lord, help me to want what You want for Jack. If it’s not me, I’ll learn to live with it. I just want him to be happy.
“I know you have to go. Remember, I was supposed to talk you into going back? I’ve done a bang-up job, haven’t I?”
Such a great job that if he hadn’t mentioned it, she would have easily let the whole idea fade into the background. She’d been so selfish.
Jack pulled her close. “Leaving here will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.”
