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But that wasn’t the truth.
I loved her, and there was no rational reason why. I just did.
“I love you,” I said and meant every single word of it.
Sierra just looked at me, her eyes still red and puffy from crying and that little fight I’d narrowly avoided.
I stepped closer to her, caging her in against the kitchen island.
“I love you,” I repeated with more force. “I’ve loved you since the moment you walked into my bar a year ago. Do you want to know what I was thinking that night when we were talking?”
She swallowed, and my eyes darted to the column of her throat for a split second.
“I was thinking that I wanted to do more than take you to bed.”
It wasn’t the most romantic thing to say, but it was the truth.
“Should I be happy about that?” Her attitude laced every word and I smirked at her, almost wanting to egg her on a little.
But this moment—this conversation—it was likely one of the most important conversations I’d ever had in my life and would ever have again.
“I wanted to wake up to you every morning, and fall asleep with you every night,” I said in a near whisper. “I wanted to grow old with you, to buy some land and build you a porch swing so we could sit there while you chided me for yelling at the neighborhood youths for riding their bikes past our property.”
Her lower lip trembled a bit, but I went on.
“I wanted to have you at your worst,” I whispered, my throat contracting. “I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anything in my entire life. And that night you came back? I thought I was dreaming. I’d spent months pining over you, kicking myself for letting you go and not getting your number, or even your last name. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done and I mean it when I say I’ve been a stupid, arrogant man who has done dumb things his whole life. But that… that is what I regret the most. Losing you. Losing out on a year with you. Not knowing what was going on in your life because, Sierra—” I closed what littledistance was left between us and caressed her cheek. “I would have torn the world apart and saved you if I’d known what you were going through. I would have gotten on the first flight to the East Coast and gone right through your parents’ front door. I would have taken you, and you wouldn’t had to go through what you went through to get back to me.”
A tear slid free from her lashes. I wiped it away with my thumb.
“I love you,” I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. “I’ve loved you since that night. I almost told you, you know. I almost did.”
She choked on a laugh, thinking I was joking, but I wasn’t.
That night when we met was the first time, I’d hopped over the bar to enjoy myself and it had only been because she’d walked through that door with her friends. She’d captivated me from the first moment I saw her and I was in love when she spoke those first words to me, giving me shit, of course.
We’d argued about everything, but our smiles never left our faces and our bodies started to gravitate closer together as the night went on and the music faded and it felt like we were the only two people in the room.
She laughed at the choice of music in the bar, some new country songs that were so popular with the young crowd.
“I don’t listen to country very often,” she’d admitted, “but I do like the classic stuff.”
In my mind, those three words had been clear as day. I love you. I love you. I love you.
But then she was gone, as if in a blink of an eye and I was left reeling over the loss of her and the realization that I was truly, wholly alone.
Her memory was like a ghost that haunted me, and just when I gave up on her ever coming back… she had.
And now, regardless of the situation and how we felt for each other, there was a piece of both of us coming into our lives.
A miracle.
“I don’t expect you to say it back,” I said after a moment. “I just needed you to know how I felt, and that it wasn’t easy keeping this from you for so long. I just need you to know that I am here for you and for this baby, always. Forever, if you’ll have me.”
“Pete—”
I heaved a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and sunk to my knees in front of her. She gasped but swallowed back her surprise.
“Marry me,” I said so softly I wasn’t sure it was audible. “I can’t lose you again. Marry me.”
