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Late evening sunshine shimmers off the rippling lake and I dig my toes into the sand. Wind whips through the trees and I can almost smell the bonfires we used to burn here. Closing my eyes, I try to remember every single good moment I had here with Paisley. I wish they could wash away that last time, the time I broke both of us.
“Last time we were here, I got my heart broken,” Paisley’s voice calls and I catch my breath. I close my eyes tighter, thinking I am imagining her. But then I feel her. Sinking into the sand behind me, she lays her head at my back and shoves her arms beneath mine, tangling her hands together at my chest. I bow my head and grab her hands, bringing them to my lips.
“I broke my heart too,” I rasp, refusing to open my eyes and have her vanish on me.
“No, baby, I did that,” she whispers against my ear, sending a shudder through me, “I got up and walked away. You told me you wanted me to go chase after everything I wanted. But you were the everything I wanted, Bran. I wanted you to come with me, I wanted us to chase it all together. I was so damn selfish. You had just lost your father, who was awful to you and made you feel worthless. Connor was going to leave, and then I left too. How could I do that to you?”
Her slender limbs close tight around me as I settle back against her softness, and I can tell she is crying. I bow my head, but I am not ashamed of my own tears. I kiss her fingertips and linger for a long time at the left middle finger. I should have put a ring on her finger a long time ago. We should be living the same life Connor and Hailee are. Our love is just as storybook as theirs.
“I let you go. I fought on the football field, worked my ass off for what I wanted out there. But I didn’t put in the work for us. I was so scared of you finding something better than me. I knew there was better out there for you, better you deserved. It always scared me, babe. It was why I let you pick fights and why I let cheerleaders flirt with me and piss you off. I never thought I was good enough for you, Paisley.”
My chest aches as I admit it, not that I was ever good at hiding my streak of self-loathing. The truth of the matter is, no matter how shitty my father treated me, I always wanted to make him proud. I always wanted to be good enough for him. But I never was—or he at least never let me believe I was.
My whole life I felt second best. Second to Connor, who from our time in peewees blew the rest of us off the field. Big things were always going to happen for him and no matter how good I got, it was never going to be that good. In school, I was always second to my genius little brothers who my parents doted on while I struggled through classes.
It was always Paisley who saved me from feeling worthless. I felt most myself when I was with her—as if who I was when we were together really was enough for her. I made her laugh, and I looked after her, and eventually, I made her feel things she didn’t feel with anyone else. I came first to her and that feeling was like nothing else. Better than winning any game, or getting into college, or making my piece of shit father proud. Making her mine, making her want me and be proud of me, have her believe in me, it was the best thing I had ever known.
It scared the shit out of me—it was like an addiction, what I felt for her.
That addiction for her drove me to do stupid, reckless things. Things I regret and am ashamed of. Hurting her was reactive, whenever I felt too needy for her, too obsessed with her, I would behave like an asshole towards her. We would fight, say things we didn’t mean, but it would feel good to me. Because she would fight me, and fight for me, until she walked away that last time.
When I sat at this very beach and told her I didn’t think I could hold her back any longer, that I had to let her go, I wanted her to tell me different. I wanted her to tell me we could do anything together because what we had was that good. I needed that from her, but she could not know that. When she walked away, it just confirmed for me what I had always suspected.
That I truly was not enough for her.
“You are enough for me, you always were,” she whispers and I almost groan when she presses her lips to my neck before she is gone. Before I know it, she has pushed me back on the sand as she climbs atop me, giving me that sweet laugh that drives me crazy.
“I wish I had known how much you struggled,” she rasps as she presses her forehead to mine, brushing her sweet mouth against my lips, “I should have known. You know everything about me. You know what scares me, what excites me, what I dream about. I knew your father hurt you, but I never believed he made you doubt yourself the way you do,” she sighs the words against my mouth before she is kissing me, wriggling her soft body against my hard one. My hands skate down her back to find her ass and I lift her, settling her right over my hardness.
“You are everything, Bran,” she moans against my lips as she pulls back, panting from the kiss, “good to me, good to our friends, and you gave up everything for your family. You don’t need to be a football star or rich to be everything to me, baby. You were always so good to me. You spoiled me and I was a brat. I was so selfish with you and with your feelings. I am so sorry. I am the one who always walked away because.... I wanted you to chase me, I wanted to know I mattered to you.”
Cupping her face, I pull back to stare up into her eyes, “Did a shit job of showing it, Pais, but you are all that mattered to me. Everything I did, I did because I wanted to be good to you. I wanted to do what was right for you even if that wasn’t me. I wanted it to be me, of course I did. Just never thought it really could be. You were everything to me and you always will be.”
Paisley stares back at me with eyes so soft, so full of emotion that my words get choked in my throat. I love her. I always have and I know I always will. I don’t think I care anymore if that love is enough for her. I will find a way to make it be enough. I can’t give her up again. Yeah, we fumbled this plenty of times, and had a few false starts, but this is it. This woman, she is it for me.
“I love you,” she whispers softly, shaking her head as she smiles, “I always will, and it doesn’t matter where I love you or what we are or whatever we do. How I love you, how I need you, that will never change, baby. I am only half of myself without you and I don’t want to be half alive anymore. If that gallery was opening in Paris or New York or anywhere else, I would not have to think about my answer. I won’t leave you again.”
My mouth crushes to hers and we both cry out. When her tongue slips into my mouth and tangles with my own, I grunt and grip her hips, letting her feel what she does to me. Her soft tits press against my chest and her hot sex rubs against my hardness, and I feel like a teenager again. All the nights we spent out here, making out beneath the stars as we found out how much we loved each other hit me like a freight train of memories.
“I love you, Pais,” I whisper against her throat as I nip at the velvet skin there, “I swear to Christ I won’t ever give you up again. I need you. I can’t go without you again.”
Just as I start to pull at her top, she springs up, flattening her hands to my chest. I grunt and try to pull her back, but she has mischief in her beautiful eyes. I love when she gets that look. I watch as she shoots to her feet and backs toward the water. And I know where this is headed and I fucking like it.
Paisley stands at the edge of the water, watching me in the darkness. Moonlight shines down on her like spotlight and I watch the show she puts on. Shimmying out of her little skirt, she turns to bare her plump ass at me. My mouth waters when I see just a peek of the pink paradise between her thighs.
With her back to me, she takes her top off, showing off the pretty tattoo that spreads across one shoulder and the little ones at her ribs and hip. Those moments she marked so we could never forget them. Never forget how important they were to both of us. And still somehow, I forgot. I forgot that we were everything once and now I know we always will be. As long as we are together.
“Paisley,” I murmur as I watch her turn in the sand, “God, you are so goddamn beautiful. I wish I could paint you the way I see you, right now,” I grunt, pushing to my feet to go to her.
When she turns, she crosses her hands over her front, cupping her breasts. But it’s just to tease me. And I like it. Standing in front of her, I cup her jaw and tip her head back. Those beautiful eyes sparkle in the darkness and I am breath taken by how much I love her, by how good it feels to let her see it for what it is. See how much I need her and how obsessive I am for her.
“I love when you look at me that way,” she whispers, her eyes heavy lidded as she breathes faster, “you make me feel beautiful. You make me feel adored by you.”
“You are, baby,” I husk heavily, hiding nothing from her now, “you are everything. My entire world.” I kiss her softly, but she is not done teasing me.
Pulling back, she pushes at me gently and backs into the crystal-clear waters. I watch her until she gets waist deep, and then I am pushing at my own clothes, desperate to follow her into the warm waters. When I dive in, her laughter fills the night and I smile as I surface, snaking my arms around her to pull her beneath with me.
There in the water, we lock together, mouths fused, bodies tangled, as we remember how it feels to be everything to each other.
