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“Why a squirrel of all animals?”
“It’s the first animal that came to mind, but it’s no less true,” Grady says.
“I don’t have a choice, G,” I mumble, feeling really sorry for myself, “maybe I’ll call mom and talk to her.”
“We both know you don’t want to ask her and Glenn for help,” Grady shoots back. The disdain in his voice over our stepfather would be funny if the man weren’t such a tool.
“You’re right, again.” I sigh. “I can just hear him saying, now Barbara, when are you going to get Nina off your tit? She’s a grown woman, and it’s time to cut the umbilical cord.” I do my best nasally impersonation of Glenn.
Grady gives me a pity laugh. He holds his stomach and does fake shoulder shakes and everything. Impressions are not my strongest suit.
“Quit being an ass,” I tell him.
After a long moment of silence passes, he opens his mouth to talk again.
“I think I may have an option for you,” Grady ponders. “It’s not going to be your top choice when it comes to a roommate selection, but I think it’ll work. At the very least, we can get your rent paid.”
I don’t even want to know who he’s considering calling. My brother is great but his friends… some of them are stranger than Vicki, and that’s me being nice. His roommate, Owen is the exception. He’s a surfer dude in the wrong climate and the most laidback person I’ve ever met.
“Too bad we can’t share Owen.” I don’t even try to hide my smirk.
“Yeah, I did win the roommate lottery.” He smiles back. “I’ll call someone for you, don’t you worry.”
“No, I don’t want you to call in a favor with anyone. I’ll find a roommate on my own. I’ll just hang a sign around my neck and go to the coffee shop.” I stare up at the ceiling waiting for an answer to all my problems to appear there.
“Are you gonna wear a squirrel costume too?”
“If it gets me a roommate, yes.”
“Maybe if you wear one of those fur tail butt plugs with the costume.” He snickers.
“Ewe!” I turn and slap his arm playfully. Rubbing at the spot, he pretends like it actually hurts him, but I know otherwise. Grady spends every morning in the gym lifting and has ridiculous muscles hiding beneath his shirt. No way did a small slap hurt him.
“Let me call my guy, and we can just see what happens. I’ve got to go anyway. I’ll call him on the way home,” he insists and pushes up off the floor. I come to stand with him and walk him to the door. He’s about six-two, and my five-foot-seven frame is dwarfed by him. I look like a gnome standing beside him.
“No, Grady. I can do this,” I insist once we reach the door. “What would Glenn say if he knew you were helping me with my grown-up responsibilities?”
Grady rolls his eyes, and then does his much better impersonation of Glenn, “She’s never going to learn anything if you keep bailing her out, son.” He puts a hand on his hip, mocking him further. “Tough love, that’s all she needs.”
“Yeah, yeah. Get out.” I laugh and shove him out the apartment, closing the door and locking it behind him. It’s a sad state of affairs at the moment, but what am I going to do? Cry? I mean, I really want to but again that seems overly dramatic. Especially since crying won’t change the fact that this is a nightmare, and my purple couch is gone.
I can’t watch the television because she took my TV. All I have left is watching YouTube videos on my phone when I get bored. I already miss my late-night binge sessions of some ridiculous reality TV show.
I go into the kitchen and trudge to the freezer to pull out the large box of carb-free ice cream I’d hidden Ben and Jerry’s pints in. My roommate and her dumb men took all my food. I’d found they didn’t like healthy stuff, so it was a win when I could disguise my good ice cream.
Finding the silverware drawer, I pull it open and reach inside, but instead of a spoon, I find a fork. In fact, there is nothing but forks in the spoon space.
What. The. Hell? Pulling the drawer completely open, I inspect its contents and find there are no spoons at all.
What kind of person steals someone’s spoons?
Shoving the drawer closed, I take my fork and ice cream and walk into my room. Sinking the fork into the frozen goodness, I almost laugh. She stole everything... including my spoons.
Forkful after forkful of ice cream soothes my soul, that and the fact she didn’t steal my bed is the only thing that is keeping me from stabbing the fork into my ear right now.
Finishing off as much of the ice cream as I can, I cuddle under the blankets and fall into a restless sleep. Nightmares about people trying to kill me after answering the Craigslist ad plague me. During one dream, someone brought in a bunch of pet squirrels that try to eat me. The whole thing is weird.
At three o’clock in the morning, I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing. That was one of those dreams that felt far too real.
