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My stomach gurgles with hunger as the smell of cheesy goodness hits me. After cutting the pizza up, I take a large bite out of one piece and plop it on my plate.
With my arms full of bagged snacks and the plates balanced in my hands, I set up our little living room picnic and even light some candles. The room instantly takes on a romantic, sensual atmosphere.
I glance at my phone one more time, with the hope that the message was a figment of my imagination, and a queasy feeling churns in my stomach when I see I’m wrong. Placing my phone screen down on the coffee table, I debate on what to do.
It feels so wrong to steal from Lennox. Yet at the same time, if I fail and don’t deliver the USB then someone else will take over where I left off. And they’ll get the job done by any means necessary.
“Looks nice in here,” Lennox says as he enters, giving me a little fright. I hide my stupid reaction by forcing a smile in his direction.
“Thanks. I hope it’s all right that I lit a few candles. Gives us a bit more light to eat by.”
He waves away my comment, sitting down beside me. A little too close. He places his big laptop on the table, opens it and begins searching through some folders.
“Here are our options,” he states, pointing at the screen. I lean forward to get a better look. I want to roll my eyes at the number of action movies he has downloaded but I really can’t judge. I don’t buy and download movies that I love like Lennox does—the adorable nerd—but I do have an embarrassing long watchlist within my favorite streaming apps so I can rewatch things easily.
An unexpected snort bursts out of me when I see his most recent download.
“Oh my God. You still love Ryan Reynolds,” I giggle.
With a mouth full of pizza, he raises his eyebrows. “I have no shame when it comes to him. He’s hilarious and his characters are so diverse.”
I can’t control my laughter, loving that he has a man-crush and is dedicated to supporting him.
“Let’s watch Free Guy then. I haven’t seen that one yet.” I smile at him, feeling very at ease. “It’s nice to know some things don’t change,” I find myself saying before I can think it through.
Silence hangs between us. Lennox places the plate he’s holding down on the table and repositions himself on the couch so that he’s leaning toward me. His eyes are piercing through me, as if he can see every question and insecurity whirling in my mind.
His hand reaches over to me, then retracts. He curses, then repeats the action, this time dragging me closer to him. I’m not on his lap, but my legs and thighs are pressed tightly to his. I’m looking at that area of my body, stunned by the instant heat that floods that comes over me.
A firm squeeze to my neck has my eyelashes fluttering upward to meet his intense emerald eyes. His look of seriousness has me swallowing in trepidation.
“Nothing has changed, Katrina. In the last four years some shit may have gone down that affected both of us, but my feelings for you have remained the same. What happened in the kitchen this evening wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t want you. I still care for you. Fuck, I more than care for you. And when you’re ready, I’ll help you fight your demons. Both real and imagined.”
I have no words. Honestly, my brain goes blank trying to process everything he just said.
He must see the struggle on my face because he doesn’t wait for a response. Instead, he presses play on his laptop and sits back as the movie begins.
He keeps a hand on my thigh, silently giving me support as his words play on repeat in my head. It takes effort but I eventually tear my eyes off him to look at the laptop. I see images flash before me but I don’t process any of it. Sounds are hazy in the background as my mind works overtime at figuring out Lennox’s words.
He still has feelings for me? How is that even possible? After everything I’ve done he should be cursing my name not saying it with reverence. Yet, now that I think about it, he has shown me that he cares throughout the day.
Our attraction to one another is still there. We may have only reunited today, but it feels like no time has passed. No one in their right mind would host a spy in their house after finding them unconscious on their property and knowing they were being watched. I should be locked away or still out there in the storm, not warm and fed, sitting casually on his couch.
Even when we first met, when I was a young woman with little sexual experience, he’d told me multiple times that he didn’t sleep with women he wasn’t in a relationship with. The thought of him being with someone else has me angry in seconds, but the feeling passes as quickly as it comes. If he was with someone, we wouldn’t have done what we did this afternoon. Lennox was loyal.
So even knowing all this I still kept my true self from him. He didn’t know everything, both past and present. Sharing that information could change his feelings. And I wasn’t ready to face those consequences.
A memory from earlier hits me, knocking the breath out of my lungs.
When I got off that plane, looking for you with a ring in my pocket, only to realize you weren’t there…
He’d had a ring.
“I did.”
I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud. Twisting to face him, I fight my nervousness and ask, point blank, “You were going to—to propose? To me?”
“I was,” he begins slowly, making sure I’m absorbing everything he’s saying. “I knew then that you were it for me. I couldn’t see a future without you in it.”
