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LUCILA
PRESENT DAY
Before our wedding, Lilo had asked Ava to pack up my things at Sonny’s. I had no idea what Ava was up to because I’d been staying at his parents’ place. I didn’t have all that much, so it didn’t take her long. She packed a bag for the things I’d need right away, and Lilo had put those things away before I even arrived. The rest was stacked in the spare room, the one next to Minnie’s.
The things I’d left behind after I’d locked him out? They were still there, untouched. He never used the house. He’d rented a place. He even had two men running the gym. He didn’t want to renege on his side of the deal he made with the previous owner. He wanted all hands clean.
I stood at the door of the spare room, staring at the stuff, thinking of Minnie. Molly took her for the night, and I missed hearing her playing around in her room. She usually sang to Milkshake before bed.
Sonny had no problem letting us adopt her. She was in the best place she could be. But it was hard for me to come to terms with not taking care of him, too. I hadn’t said anything to Lilo, but he must have noticed, because he told me he’d had a talk with Sonny. He convinced him to put the house up for rent. Lilo had a crew that was going to update everything, and after the tenants moved in, Molly was going to keep an eye on the place.
“For a fee,” he’d said. “My crew will update her place, too.”
Then he told me that he’d found a place for Sonny to rent down the street from us. Lilo hired a woman to cook a week’s worth of meals for him and clean the place regularly. If he ever decided he wanted to move back to his place, it would be there for him. But it was going to be a steady stream of income, and he’d be taken care of.
Thinking about Sonny made me think about Ava. Her obsession with the Fausti family had only grown hotter. There was no derailing that train. I didn’t want to think about it. So I thought about Michele.
He’d closed Valentino’s for a week after Carine had passed, and then he got back to work, but sometimes he let the bread burn, or he would go off on sacks of flour. The workers walked around him like he was a ticking-time bomb. He didn’t talk to customers. He stayed with the ovens. He was drinking too much. He fired Sebastiano and Norah, which I felt was overdue, but that meant more work on everyone else until he filled those positions.
Michele hadn’t talked to Lilo since the funeral. Lilo hadn’t talked to him.
A piece of my heart belonged to Carine, and that piece felt like it was stretching between father and son. She always hated the distance between them, and so did I. If only they could find a way to find…middle ground.
I sighed, stepping into the room, going for the first box. I only had seven. Most of it was things I’d probably have Lilo store, but I wanted to make sure there was nothing important that should be left out. I dusted off the stuffed animals Lilo had won for me our first time at Coney Island. I smiled at a picture of us standing outside of the gym. I cried when I rubbed my finger over an ultrasound picture of Brio. It was tucked inside a blue plastic photo album that Carine had given me. A couple of pictures from our first wedding day—when we’d gotten married at City Hall—taken with a cheap disposable camera. Before selfies were a thing. Then a few from the day he never showed up.
Paul Gallo had done that on purpose. Ordered him to take care of business on our wedding day. Because he knew what kind of lasting effect it would have. And what had happened to our son on the same day?
It was too hard to think about. Especially since Carine’s death hung over my heart like a black cloud. I pushed the boxes of memories aside and took a seat on the floor. One box was left. It seemed like it was filled with papers. Carine’s letter. The one she’d written me—did Ava pack it? Or did she miss it? Shit! I started to dig faster, not seeing it. It was mostly old report cards and macaroni art that Sonny—or had it been Janis?—saved from when I was young.
One paper was different. The writing caught my eye. It was from a doctor? A counselor? If I wouldn’t have been sitting, I would have collapsed.
I read it, over and over.
At first, it made no sense, but when it did, I almost wished it hadn’t. Or…I didn’t fucking know. I was completely numb, except for my heart, where that spot always hurt. It didn’t hurt then—it strangled, suffocating me. It was stealing the air from my lungs.
“Baby?”
Lilo stood in the doorway, looking down at me. He’d been gone since earlier.
“You knew,” I barely got out. Every word was a struggle. A squeeze. “You knew that Sonny was never to blame. It was her. Janis. She basically drugged me and Ava. She wanted us to sleep so she wouldn’t have to…deal with us. Sonny tried to hurt her when he found out. Her…boyfriend, or whoever, hit him with a car.”
He nodded. “Sonny was going to kill her.”
“Molly told you?”
“That part. And not until a year or so ago.” His eyes narrowed. He bent down, getting eye to eye with me. “Baby—” He went to reach for me.
I slapped his hand away. “Tell. Me.”
“Ken Nolan told me the rest right after we met. The day I took you to Coney Island for the first time.”
How could I have not remembered all of that? I just remembered her leaving. That day when I was sick. Was I really sick? Or having withdrawal from the shit she was giving me? My memories were fuzzy. Either all the drugs had made them that way, or I was blocking them out.
Lilo’s phone rang and I jumped. My bones felt like they whiplashed into my skin. It kept ringing and ringing. He didn’t answer it. It stopped. The house fell silent again until my phone started in the other room. It rang and rang and rang and then stopped. Then Lilo’s phone started up again.
He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the number. “Molly,” he said. He put the phone to his ear. Right away, I heard her voice on the other line. Her words were rushed. “I’ll be there.”
I stood because I knew something was wrong. “Minnie?” I said, swaying.
