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Once I’ve taken the time for it all to sink in, I find this whole incident ironic. Since the man in my dream was not a figment of my imagination. He wasn’t someone my subconscious just conjured up out of the clear blue. Oh no! I met him briefly at an author event I attended several months back. And, if my memory serves me correctly, he was with Dakota Wade. A very curvaceous blonde with legs that go on for miles. They made such a stunning couple with his dark looks in contrast to her fair skin. I recall someone referring to them as Yin and Yang. Two halves that together complete the whole.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a gorgeous man if you’re into that dark, tortured kind of soul. You know the ones I’m referring to. Men who keep their secrets buried so deep, they always look tormented and angsty. I never realized he made such an impact on me, but that dream begged to differ.
Oh, what was his name? Think. Oh, I get angry when a name is on the tip of my tongue and I can’t quite put my finger on it. At this point, I’m desperate to remember so I begin with the letter A and go through the whole damn alphabet. Repeating every name under the sun that I can possibly think of. Really? Who am I trying to kid? Remembering his name’s nothing but a distraction. A meaningless diversion to make me forget about the humiliating desire between my thighs.
Immediately, the subconscious part of my brain takes over and I start counting backwards. Once I’ve reached zero, I begin again. I do this several times until my breathing slows and my mind’s clear. It’s an exercise I learned a long time ago in therapy and take advantage of at times like these. It’s especially helpful when my OCD kicks in and I need to stop obsessing about something. In the grand scheme of things, knowing his name is of no importance to me. It has no bearing on my life. The only thing that does matter is how I’m feeling.
Alone, vulnerable and aroused. Which is the perfect frame of mind to get my thoughts down on paper.
I glance over at the desk in the far corner of the room. Where my laptop’s enveloped in a blanket of darkness. The only visible sign that it even exists at all is the tiny pinprick of light when I set it on sleep mode. I know it’s late and I should get some rest, but I’m up and moving before I realize it.
After sliding into the chair, I randomly hit a key which prompts me for my password. My fingers tremble as I type it in, anticipation getting the better of me. I haven’t felt this euphoric in a long time. I shield and blink my eyes several times so they can adjust to the sudden brightness. One quick click on my Word doc and it opens just like an old friend.
Unfortunately, the euphoria doesn’t last very long when I see what last I wrote. . .
Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder Ryder…
Chills dot along my spine when I realize I never deleted his name. I quickly hit the backspace key, eliminating Ryder’s name once and for all. I’m determined that this time around his memory will not ruin my momentum.
Once I’ve re-read through my last chapter, I pick up right where I left off. Taking full advantage of my emotions and the pornographic dream to power me through the sex scene I desperately need to write. The one I’ve been avoiding at all cost. The scene is crucial to the two main characters since it’s the heart of their story. It’s difficult for me to cut myself open to this kind of pain, but I push forward. Hoping it’ll all be worth it in the end.
My fingers have a mind of their own as they flit across the keys like digits possessed. I have no intention of stopping anytime soon since I’m focused and in the zone. I lose all concept of time as one scene bleeds into another. One chapter turns into two. Then three. I love it when my mind’s in sync with my characters and everything seems to flow.
I’m oblivious to everything around me as minutes quickly turn into hours. And the only reason I’m aware of this is because the murkiness of the room is now bathed in a soft glow. I know if I get up to use the restroom or grab something to drink out of the mini fridge, exhaustion will take over and my motivation will come to a screeching halt. I push and push and push, until my hands cramp and my mind turns into a big pile of mush. Forcing me to call it quits for now. This has been such a gut-wrenching night from hell.
Although Word automatically saves my WIP, I also make sure to back it up on the cloud just to be safe. If I accidently lose all of tonight’s work, I think I might throw in the towel once and for all.
I shake off that menacing thought as a sense of pride jolts through me like a lightning bolt. I finally feel like I’ve accomplished something by chipping away at the heartache that’s been holding me back. For me, it’s beyond difficult to create a happily-ever-after when mine was pulled right out from underneath me. Leaving me bitter and angry at the world. Am I delusional in believing that I’m over him? Never. Not by a long shot. Simply deleting Ryder’s name from my Word doc will not release the hold he has on my heart. Right now, I’m just weary and if I don’t get some rest, I’ll curl up like a baby and cry myself to sleep. Several minutes later, when my head hits the pillow, I drift off with a smile on my lips and hope in my heart.
CHAPTER 4
ZANE
The next few weeks fly by without a hitch. Business is great and there hasn’t been an ounce of drama. The newbies I hired are working out perfectly.
In fact, the day after Zack stopped by the club, I’d invited him over to my house. We desperately needed to talk and lay it all out on the table. The good, the bad and the ugly. I sent him several text messages, which he completely ignored. Then I tried calling him which was useless. The thing is, I know I fucked up. The day he strolled into Club Syn to tell me about his invite to the afterparty, I blew. What I should have done was pretend like I didn’t care. But I did the total opposite. I showed him my hand by confirming the club was the most important element in my life. Now he knows my weakness and he’ll stop at nothing to destroy me. That’s his MO. Zack destroys everything he touches.
Since business is booming you’d think I’d have the world by the balls, right? Not. Since the afterparty’s scheduled for tonight and my brother’s still in attendance. I know this for a fact because there’s a beautifully crafted place card atop the table with the name LN Avalon. And, her date for the night is none other than, you guessed it, Zack Sinclair. I vaguely remember Dakota and I meeting her at an author event we attended a few years back. Curiosity got the better of me so I stalked her on social media. What? Don’t laugh, I know all of you would have done the exact same thing. Don’t judge.
Unfortunately, all the pics I could find were in black and white. Just for the record, she still took my breath away. Petite, curvy and stunning as fuck. And she writes dark erotic romance. Which means she’s every man’s wet dream. Therefore, why the hell would this woman need to pay for an escort? Most men—me included—would be honored to accompany her to this event. God, I hope my brother doesn’t make an ass out of himself. All I can hope for is he won’t chew her up and spit her out since his job is on the line.
That damn placard mocked me every damn time I stepped into that room, which made me avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately, tonight is the moment of truth and it would be rude if I don’t check on their progress. Especially since the committee dropped a ton of cash for this event.
I almost get knocked on my ass as I walk into the banquet room. Everyone’s busying about with last minute decorations and putting the final touches on the buffet tables. I must admit, I’m very impressed when I realize the cleverly crafted book centerpieces are made of flowers. They grab your attention the moment you walk into the room with their bold beautiful colors. When I walk from one end of the room to the other, I’m aware that no two of them are alike. You’d think the smell would be overbearing but it’s not. Just a sweet lingering fragrance in the air.
Being a control freak, I don’t like strangers in my club—but I had no choice since it was stipulated in the vendor contract. The committee insisted on having its own professional waitstaff in place. Which is fine by me since my staff can concentrate on running the front-end as usual. On the outside I’m calm, cool and collected. But inside I’m a total wreck. Business is my forte, so I’ll leave all this decorating crap to the experts. I’m out of my comfort zone.
All the guests will be arriving through a separate entrance to the banquet room. Which is good for Club Syn as it keeps the bar side isolated from the other guests. The committee wanted to hire its own bartenders for the event, but that’s where I had to put my foot down. Drinks are such a big part of my nightly profit that I had to insist we use our own. They finally relented so I’m giving them my best two bartenders—Ariel and Drew. I’m counting on them to rake in a big chunk of change for this evening’s event. Once word of mouth gets around, I’m hoping to host one of these parties on a regular basis.
“Boss, the guests will be arriving in less than an hour,” Mike says. “Is there anything special you’d like me to take care of?” Being the efficient employee that he is, Mike doesn’t like waiting until the last minute just in case there’s a glitch.
“Go ahead and make one last run-through. I want everyone safe since there will be some well-known people here tonight. Make sure you check the parking lot, restrooms and even the kitchen. We can never be too cautious. Report back to me once everything’s been secured.” A quick nod and he’s gone.
I hate to think the big guy’s nervous since my brother’s coming and all, but I’d be fooling myself. I’m afraid we’re all a bit on edge—and that’s all my fault. If I had simply allowed him to say his peace that day, no one would be the wiser. I’m the one who made a scene and now everyone’s worried about me. Well, they shouldn’t be. I’m going to let the event play out, make an appearance or two and mind my own business. Mike will be at the ready if anything should get out of control. Otherwise, he’ll be working on the Club Syn side since they have their own security detail.
Since I’ve a few minutes before the guests arrive, I head into my office to decompress. I’m going to use this time wisely since I won’t rest for the next several hours. Even though I won’t be hands-on, I’ll be available if they need me. I’ve made sure to clear my calendar of any other appointments just in case.
A quick knock and Mike pokes his head inside. “Everything’s good and we’re ready to go.”
