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I take a deep, calming breath, close the door and when I turn around Zane has already made himself comfortable on my sofa. His arms are splayed across the back and his ankle rests on his right knee. He looks relaxed but I’m anything but. “Come right in and make yourself at home.”
“Why the hostility? Seriously, I thought we had tons of chemistry. In fact, I know we do because I can feel it now and you’re way across the room. Come sit down so we can talk.”
All I can do is shake my head at this point because he doesn’t get it. When I glance around the room, I can still feel Ryder’s presence. Maybe it’s because last night’s dream is still too raw, but Zane shouldn’t be in the same apartment I shared with Ryder. It just feels wrong. Yet, there’s a war raging on inside of me that’s begging me to let him in. But I can’t. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’d be amazing together and that’s the reason I ran. I’m not ready for an all-consuming physical relationship that could very well leave me shattered again. Not after I spent the last few months piecing myself back together.
His eyes never leave mine as I walk across the room. I don’t trust myself to sit close to him, so I opt for the wingback chair instead. It’s far enough away where he can’t touch me. “I had an amazing lunch with you, Zane. But, just because I feel a chemistry between us doesn’t mean I have to act on it. We both know if I would have stayed, you would have expected so much more than just a kiss. Isn’t that the reason you came here today?”
Could I have guessed wrong because now he’s anything but relaxed? Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he glares in my direction. “On average, I work anywhere between twelve to sixteen-hour days, six days a week. I don’t have time to play games on Mondays because it’s my only day off. I came here today because I wanted to spend time with you. I’d like to get to know you better. I didn’t come here to fuck you. Although, if you have an itch, it would be my pleasure to scratch it for you.”
What a cocky fucking bastard.
“Well you’re out of luck because that will never happen. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do.” I stalk over to the door, fling it open and glare in his direction. He’s no longer welcome here.
I want to scream at him to get the fuck out of my house, but I was raised better than that. I will not stoop to his level. So, I patiently wait for him to stand up and walk out the door. Minutes tick by and I feel like an idiot with the door wide open. So, I slam it shut and lean up against it. Now, it’s my turn to cross my arms while I glower at him. “Since I didn’t buzz you in, I’m going to call security and have you removed.” Hmm, I think that grabbed his attention.
“I apologize. That was rude and so not like me.” I try so hard not to lose my shit while he tugs his fingers through his jet-black hair. When his green eyes capture mine, he looks apologetic. “Of course. I’ll leave if that’s what you really want, but I was hoping to take you out to dinner. I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I am ravenous.”
Ah, you might know he would tempt me with my one and only weakness. Food is something I don’t have in abundance right now and if he were a bit closer, he would hear my rumbling stomach. But, three strikes and you’re out.
One, he stole my condo number from Mike.
Two, he showed up without being invited.
Three, he hurt me.
“As a writer, I can sympathize with your long hours because mine are twenty-four seven. My name is my business and, unlike yours, mine never closes. I have strict deadlines to meet and I really need to get back to work.”
I’m relieved when he finally stands and walks towards the door. I hesitate for a moment and then walk over to where he’s standing. He turns around and before I can stop him his hand touches my cheek. “Goodbye, Lili.”
All the feels are within my grasp. Desire, passion, lust. But I watch him open the door and walk out of my life. I know it’s the right thing to do but it hurts nonetheless. So goddamn much.
Everyone wants to be loved and cherished. Worshiped and adored. I truly believe that kind of love and lust only happens once in a lifetime—and I’d already had it with Ryder. “Bye, Zane.”
It’s too painful to watch him get in the elevator, so I close the door and lock it. Does this unexpected visitor erase my dream? I sure hope so because the thought of a recurring dream with Ryder sitting in Zane’s office is too much to comprehend. Could it be Ryder’s way of telling me to move on? I slowly slink to the floor and bury my face in my hands. I was exhausted and hungry but thanks to Zane’s surprise visit, now I’m an emotional wreck. All three make for a very bad combination. Maybe I’ll just skip dinner and go straight to bed. Since tomorrow’s a new day and today’s yearning with regret.
CHAPTER 9
ZANE
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I never should have gone to Lili’s house, but what’s done is done. I can’t change it and now I’ll never know what could have been. I’m so very angry at myself for fucking it all up. She made it crystal clear—she wants nothing to do with me.
It’s time to move on.
I had too much time to think on the drive home and I can’t believe what I said to her. I tossed it out there as a joke, but she was offended and by then it was too late to take it back. By the time I pulled into my driveway, I’d lost my appetite. I found out the hard way that eating crow will do that to a person. Especially me. Now I’m choking on it and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Needless to say, I didn’t sleep a wink last night so I’m going to have a late start. I don’t ever remember being late for work before, but I have a feeling this week will be filled with firsts. And it’s only Tuesday. I’m on my second cup of coffee when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I yank it out and check to see who’s bothering me at home. It’s only Mike checking up on me. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d fuck with him right now, tell him I’m still at Lili’s and I’ll be in late. But I won’t do that for fear that it would get back to her. I won’t hurt her any more than I already have.
I jump in the shower to wake my ass up and I have a sudden urge to release a bit of tension. It looks like I will be pumping the python since Dakota’s out of the picture. In fact, she was my only one-night stand who turned into so much more. We were so damn good together that we started dating. Biggest mistake we could have ever made. So, we became friends with benefits. It was great while it lasted but I always knew she’d meet someone, and I’d have to let her go. I could never have given her the happily-ever-after she so desperately needed. And deserved, I might add.
I wrap my fist around my semi-hard cock and begin stroking. I knew it wouldn’t take long before I’m hard as fucking stone. It’s been weeks since I fucked Dakota and if I don’t take care of it myself I’ll surely have blue balls. No time like the present. Right?
With one hand on the wall and the other wrapped around my cock I jerk off with visions of Lili on her knees in front of me. It doesn’t take long before a guttural growl rips through my chest as I envision coming all over her luscious tits. As the ripples of my orgasm subside, I picture her rubbing it all over her breasts before sliding her fingers into her mouth. Yeah, I’m a fucking perv. Way too much man for a girl like Lili Avalon. Maybe it’s best that we didn’t get together because I don’t think she’s ready for the fucked-up side of Zane Sinclair.
After drying off I throw on one of my Armani suits. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people tried to convince me I can get away with doing a business casual. Believe me, I’d love to get rid of the tie but as far as I’m concerned, this look is much more professional. For the time being, I’ll stick with this.
Traffic is light for this time of the morning so it doesn’t take long before I’m pulling into Club Syn’s parking lot. I’m just about to jump out when my phone vibrates in my breast pocket. Frustrated, I yank it out and check to see who’s calling. Great, it’s my father. I really don’t have time for his shit. It’s easier just to hit ignore and get out of my car.
I open the door and literally walk about ten feet before I’m bombarded by Mike and Drew. “Your dad’s already called like five times looking for you, Z. We both told him you were coming in late, but he didn’t believe us. Apparently, he’s been calling your cell and you haven’t answered.”
