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Just an FYI, Zane and I rocked it at the afterparty and I’ll let you in on a little secret. It was so much easier being around people with Zane by my side. He put me at ease and knew by my body language when it was time to make a run for it. And, of course, we snuck out to the place where it all began. Yes, he did have a smoke, but I’ll never call him out on it. Since I’m now addicted to the spicy, sweet taste of the cinnamon gum he chews afterward.
Leaving for the month-long book tour was one of the hardest things I had to do since we declared our love for one another. I know it sounds cheesy but after everything I went through with Ryder’s death, I didn’t want to leave Zane. I guess I’m always pinching myself or waiting for the other shoe to drop. It sucks but it’s something I need to work through in my own time.
Being that Private Messages was a few short weeks from release, it caused tons of buzz which was great for me and my readers. They were excited to get their hands on this one since it was dedicated to Ryder and gave them a glimpse into our lives. I’m thrilled with the outcome and can’t wait to finish my current WIP. It’s a bit lighter in nature and fun to work on. But don’t you worry, I’ll always write erotic romances. Still, this new venture of mine has me all fired up!
Release day was nerve-wracking since I spent it at the airport due to my flight being canceled. It was so not how I wanted to celebrate. I sat on pins and needles for several days afterward waiting for the reviews to pour in and they didn’t disappoint. Five stars more often than not and even the two stars had me smiling. Why, you ask? Because whether my readers loved it or hated it, they took the time out of their busy schedules to read my words. My words! Wow. After all these years, it never gets old.
All in all, I feel blessed to have so many wonderful readers in my corner. There was a time not so long ago when I never thought I’d ever be happy again. I was going through the motions on autopilot and praying that I’d somehow come out on the other side. Grief can be debilitating, and although everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time, I was on a downward spiral.
I know now that I desperately needed help but was afraid to get in touch with my therapist. In hindsight, I was just too ashamed to reach out to her for grief counseling. I should be strong enough to do this on my own, right? Wrong! It shredded me from the inside out. It was a shock to my psyche and ripped out my fucking heart.
Until Zane proved me wrong.
Now, before you go judging me, hear me out. Zane didn’t just waltz in, pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and glue them back together. But what he did do was make me realize that love is limitless. It has no boundaries. The only restrictions are the ones we place on ourselves. No one did this to me. I did it to myself. As a result, I would have never known it was possible to have that all-consuming love more than once in a lifetime. And that awareness just blew me out of the water.
Do I love the both of them in the same way? No, that’s impossible because they are both very different and that’s the simplicity of it. Ryder was open, honest and loved me and his family. Zane is more closed off, straightforward and although he loves me, he can’t relate to his family. Two men, total opposites, but somehow I fell hard and fast for them both. Dual personalities, just like the characters I write about, but love despite their idiosyncrasies.
I still think about Ryder every single day, and that might never change. But I know he wouldn’t want me to mourn him for the rest of my life. He’d want me to be happy. And I am, when I’m with Zane. I feel loved, cherished and adored. Hey, I’m far from perfect, but when I look in his eyes, he makes me feel like I am. And that’s more than I could have ever hoped for.
Now I’m back in the writing cave and its balls to the wall. I’d love to spend all of my time with Zane since we’ve been apart, but between the club and my writing it’s nearly impossible. I’ve always taken the weekends off, but that’s when he’s the busiest and I don’t expect him to change just for me. So we grab little snippets of time here and there and make the best of them. The sex is hot but it’s the conversations and the company I miss the most. He’s so attentive and spoils me rotten.
That’s basically been my life in a nutshell over the last several weeks. Not much glitz and glamor but very fulfilling, to say the least. I apologize for the quick catch-up but I have a ton of things to do since I’ve been out of the loop for so long. And, I’m waiting for a call. You see, Zane and I continued corresponding after we discovered the truth behind his unknown caller. The only thing that did change was the time. We now message each other at the same time we first met. I know its crazy late, but it’s our time to catch up on the events of the day. Anyway, I love his sexting and when he’s had enough of it, we whisper in the dark.
It’s so fucking Hot and sexy!
My heart flutters inside of my chest when I see that he’s texting me back. I can’t wait to see what he has up his sleeve for tonight.
Zane: I want you. Come here!
Mm, he knows how wet I get when he’s demanding, but it’s too late to go over now.
Me: Make me!
Zane: Oh sweetheart, you don’t want to go there with me.
Me: Why, what are you going to do about it since you’re over there and I’m here?
I’m not going to lie. My panties are soaked through just thinking about the spanking I’m going to get next time we’re together.
Zane: Lili, I’m going to warn you one last time. Come here, now!
I want to slip my hand inside of my panties while Zane talks dirty to me so I can get off right now.
Me: No, I’m too tired to go to your place tonight.
I stifle down a giggle when Hold Me Down by Halsey begins playing. Obviously, Zane’s sick and tired of texting and wants to talk instead.
Me: Hey what’s up?
Zane: Me. Now get your pretty little ass over here so I can redden it for you. I need you, Lili.
If he only knew how those three little words mean more to me than the overused ones, he’d hold it against me. And, at this point, I wouldn’t even care.
Me: I need you too but I’m seriously exhausted and in desperate need of an orgasm. Talk dirty to me, Z. Make me come and I’ll go tomorrow night. Promise.
Zane: Why did I know you were going to defy me, Lili? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m shocked when the line goes dead. What the hell? He just hung up on me and left me hanging. Damn you, Zane! Thanks to him, my throat is dry like the Sahara and my clit is throbbing, but I won’t be able to concentrate on my self-love if I don’t get something to drink first.
