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“How else should we do it?”
Frustration sets in as he pushes his hand through thick, black hair. “Listen, Kai—”
I interrupt him. “It was nice seeing you, Jaxon, but I have to go.”
I start to walk away when he gently grabs me again. “Please, don’t go.”
I shake my head. “What do you want?”
“I want to talk.”
“About what? Whatever it is you want to talk about doesn’t matter anymore.”
The reality is that it does matter. Because even after all this time, I still think about him. With each hookup, I think about Jaxon touching me, kissing me. But I’ll never admit it. There’s no reason for me to. He takes a step toward me, closing the gap. “It matters to me.”
My heart races. My palms are sweaty. My emotions run rapid as I try to wrap my head around what’s happening. “Okay. So, talk.”
“Not here. Let’s talk over dinner.”
“Why would I want to have dinner with you?”
“I’m asking for a chance to explain. Meet me tomorrow night at Le Jas. Eight pm.”
My brain says no. My heart says no fucking way. There isn’t a damn thing that Jaxon can say to me that will fix what he did. It’ll be a waste of time to sit across from him and relive that period of my life just to hear a weak apology on his part. I look at my watch again before I answer him. “I’ll think about it.”
JAXON
Sometimes, life takes you exactly where you need to be. I wasn’t supposed to be on the street where I saw Kai today. A client of mine wanted a specific color for his rare and expensive 1954 Oldsmobile F-88. I spent all morning calling around until I found a store that carries the shade of gold he was looking for. It was way on the other side of town and would take me over an hour to get there. Not my ideal afternoon, but when a client pays you top dollar to paint a car that’s worth three million dollars, you make it happen. I decided to take the subway. I figured it would be faster than sitting in traffic. Things were going well, and I was ahead of schedule, until I missed my stop. I got off at the next stop, hoping to catch a cab. I was hot, frustrated, and hungry. As I jogged up the steps and onto the busy street, I looked for a cab, but not one was in sight. I walked further up the street in the hopes of finding one, and that’s when I ran into Kai. Well, technically, she ran into me. What do you say to the woman you hurt? How do you begin to apologize for the pain you caused her? I have no fucking idea. I didn’t know then. And I sure as hell don’t know now. I’m not proud of how things ended between us. She thinks she meant nothing to me, but that’s not true at all. I wanted to tell her the truth, but she never gave me the chance to do so. My thoughts are interrupted by the customer in front of me. “It was working just fine before you touched it. Now it’s making this weird noise when I drive it.”
I narrow my eyes at the teenager in front of me. This little shit is lying, and if he thinks, for one second, that I’m going to let it slide, he’s sadly mistaken. “I did exactly as you asked. You wanted blue headlights, and I gave you blue headlights. I didn’t hear a sound when I test drove it, and I doubt you did either.”
“Come on, Jaxon. You must have done something. My car is fucked up now, and I’m not leaving here until I get a refund.”
I stomp forward until we’re face-to-face. I’m breathing hard, and my fists are curled at my sides. This is the second time this week that someone has tried to get one over on me, and I’m sick and tired of it. I’ve been working on cars since I was sixteen years old, and I know what I’m doing. I should have known I would have problems with him when he tried to convince me to give him a discount. I don’t lower my prices…for anyone. “Listen up, you little prick. My work is flawless. I’ve never given a refund, and I’m not about to start. Now, you have two seconds to get out of my face before I beat the shit out of you and take this pretty little Mustang you have here.” He starts to say something but decides against it. Instead, he nods in agreement. “I’m glad we have an understanding,” I say as I dangle his car keys in front of him.
He reaches for them, but I quickly draw my hand back. “Next time you decide you want to challenge my work or my prices, kid, do me a favor…don’t.”
He grabs his keys without saying a word, hops in his car, and backs out the parking lot. He speeds down the street, and the car doesn’t make a sound, confirming what I already knew: that he’s a liar. I glance at the clock and decide it’s time to end my day. I grab the broom to start cleaning when my cell phone rings. Anxiety sweeps through me when I recognize the caller. “Hello.”
“Hi, Jaxon. It’s Dr. Hailey.”
I ask her the same question I’ve asked every week for the past year. “How is she?”
“No change.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s been some time. Will you be visiting her soon?”
“Yeah, I’m closing up early, then I’ll be by to see her.”
“Okay. I’ll let the staff know.”
I end the call and kick a nearby bucket. “Fuck!” I yell out to no one. Why am I holding on? What am I expecting to happen? Am I hoping that one day, she’ll be able to forgive me? I shake my head because I don’t know what the answer is. I just know that I couldn’t let her go. I kept thinking there was some chance that she would open her eyes and tell me that it was all going to be okay, but that day never came. And at this point, I’m not sure it ever will. There’s nothing or no one that can fix her. This is how she’ll spend the rest of her days. And I’ve made the decision to spend them with her. Because we made a promise to each other. And I can’t break it. Especially since it’s my fault she’s in this situation. My friends say that Summer would want me to be happy. But that’s not true. I’ve known Summer since we were six years old, and you know what she would want? She would want me to revel in misery for choosing this life for her. She would want me to suffer day in and day out for what I did. Summer isn’t a turn-the-other-cheek kind of girl. She’s an I’ll-make-you-pay kind of girl. And although she can’t physically see it, I hope she knows that I’m paying for my mistake, dearly. Not only do I live with loneliness and guilt every single day, but I also walked away from the only woman I’ve ever loved.
Kai was special. I felt a kind of love that I never knew existed. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. But I can never be the man she needs me to be. There will always be a piece of my past that’s as equally important as her. And although I could pull the plug tomorrow if I wanted to and move on with my life, that’s just not something I’m willing to do.
I place the flowers in the vase on her nightstand and kiss her on the forehead. She smells of fresh oranges and lemons. Her brown hair has been brushed, and it flows neatly over her shoulders. She looks peaceful as she lies there. I wish her big, brown eyes would open. I wish she would smile or laugh at one of my corny jokes to show proof that she’s still in there somewhere. A nurse walks in and smiles at me as she adjusts the IV in her arm. She smiles at me again as she leaves the room. I sit down in the chair beside her and talk. “I brought your favorite. Lilies.” Her imaginary response fills my head. She would be happy. Smiling from ear to ear. “I’m, ahh…I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you in a while, Summer. It’s getting harder seeing you like this.” Tension strains the back of my head. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry for all of it. What happened to you and the baby wasn’t fair. It should have been me. Not you.”
