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I walk back to my table as they call the next contestant. Kenzie hugs me tightly. “You’re going to win this, I’m telling you.”
I smile. “I am a damn good cook.”
She nods. “Damn right, you are.”
My phone vibrates, but I don’t need to look at the caller to see who it is. Kenzie takes notice. “He’s still calling?”
“Yeah.”
“I gotta give it to him, Kai. He stepped up in a way most men wouldn’t have. He definitely deserves brownie points for that.”
“I know. Ugh, I’m so angry that he hid this from me. I’m upset at the fact that he tossed me to the side and made a decision on his own without asking me how I felt about it or giving me a choice in the matter.”
“Well, you did say that he asked to explain it to you, but you wouldn’t give him the chance.”
“What?”
“Kai, you told me that his exact words were Let me explain. You said you weren’t interested in anything he had to say.”
The conversation replays in my head. “Yeah, I did say that.”
“And didn’t you also say that he kept saying you two needed to talk? But you wanted to keep things super casual and not dwell on the past?”
“Whose side are you on, Kenzie? You don’t even like Jaxon.”
“I didn’t like Jaxon when I thought he dumped you for a bullshit reason. Now that I know the facts…he might be back on my good side.”
“I know I need to talk to him at some point. This is just a hard pill to swallow.”
We’re interrupted by the sound of a microphone, and we turn our attention to the judges. They explain that the contest is over, and the winners will be contacted. Nerves settle in. I had no idea how bad I wanted this until now. Owning my own restaurant would be a dream come true. Kenzie and I begin to pack up my things. I think about what she said and decide that it’s time I give Jaxon a call. He needs to know how I feel about all of this. I turn to face Kenzie. “You’re right. I’ll give Jaxon a call tonight.”
“Just tell him how you feel.”
“I will. I don’t know what’s next for us, but ignoring his calls and not addressing the situation is pretty immature on my part.”
She laughs. “I mean, I was going to say that, but…”
I nudge her playfully. “Thanks, Kenzie. For everything.”
She nudges me back. “That’s what best friends are for.”
I called Jaxon and got his voicemail. I thought about leaving a message but decided against it. I can barely gather the words I need to say to him, let alone a voicemail. I stretch out on the couch and take a sip of my wine as thoughts of Jaxon being with someone else attack me. I know he said he was with Summer before me, but I just can’t stand the thought of him being with anyone else but me. I shake away the thought. I have no right to be jealous. I’ve been with plenty of men during our time apart. And I’m sure the thought of that drove him crazy, which is why he was overreacting when Owen called. Summer had a brief glimpse into the life I wanted with Jaxon. Regardless of the circumstances, she was lucky. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I start to wonder what she looks like. I grab my phone and go to Facebook. I freeze. I don’t know her last name. I take a guess and type in Summer Barretti in case she took Jaxon’s last name. Bingo. The name pops up. I click her profile picture and study her. She’s beautiful. She looks youthful in the picture. Her thick brown hair flows past her shoulders. Her eyes are full of happiness and life. I scroll through her timeline and stop once I come across a picture of her and Jaxon. I’m guessing it’s their wedding picture. He’s dressed in black slacks, a black shirt, and a red tie, and she’s wearing a simple white dress with a red flower in her hair. The caption reads…Decided to get married today. They’re standing side by side, but not in a loving way. His arm is around her waist, but not wrapped tightly. Her smile looks forced, and he isn’t smiling at all. I read all the comments. Most people ask who he is. They ask how long they’ve known each other. They ask why they weren’t invited. I scroll down further and see no other mention or photos of Jaxon or the two of them. I place my phone down on the table and stand to get more wine when my doorbell rings. I drag my feet as I walk toward the door. When I swing it open, Jaxon is on the other side of it. I brush my hair away from my face. “Hey.”
“Hey. You weren’t answering my calls. I needed to see you.”
“I actually called you back but got your voicemail.”
He grabs his phone and checks. “It’s on silent.” He hits a button, and I hear a vibration before he places it back in his pocket. “Can we talk?”
I move to the side. “Yeah. Come in.”
I allow him to walk inside, and he follows me to the living room. He sits across from me this time and immediately starts to speak. “I’m sorry. This is a lot to process, and I had no right dumping this shit on you the way I did. Kai, I know I made a mess of things. I know the way I handled the situation was stupid and hurtful. I’m an idiot, and I should have done better by you. No excuses. I know there’s nothing I can do or say to fix the past, but…” I watch him intensely as I allow him to finish. “I’m asking for your forgiveness. I can’t live without you. I won’t live without you. You’re mine, Kai. Always have been and always will be. But I understand if this is too much.”
I wasn’t prepared to see him face-to-face. I wasn’t prepared for him to lay it all bare. I take a deep breath and say what’s on my heart. “I’m so angry with you. But at the same time, I understand why you did it. Jaxon, for you to be so selfless…it makes me love you even more. I just…”
“What is it?”
“I hate that she had a glimpse of what I always wanted with you. I hate that you chose her over me. Over us. Even if it was for all the right reasons. We could have gotten through this together. We could have figured it out. But you made the decision for the both of us.”
