AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I reach out for her hand and she pulls away. “I need to leave and process this shit alone.”
“I love you, I’ve always been in love with you,” I say and as soon as I do I feel relief. Maybe it was the wrong time to say it but I don’t care because it’s how I feel and I need her to know that.
“I know, and I love you too, so much.” She squeezes my arm as she passes by me and I feel like I’ve lost a limb as she walks out the door.
How can I make her understand why I feel the way I do about having children? My reasons run deep and the two I told her are the least of my concerns. Sure, my dad isn’t the best parent, but he did his best and I turned out okay. Are there way too many disgusting people in this world ready to take advantage of innocent people? Yes, and maybe over the years I became too used to those people existing.
When I think of having a child with Mollie’s blonde hair and adorable nose, maybe my blue eyes, I want it. I’m terrified on several levels about what that means. If we have a child, a family, it’s something to lose and I’m not sure I’d be able to stand it. Losing my mom young shaped the way I am, the way I think about the people I’m close to. There aren’t many of those and it’s by design. I can’t get hurt if I don’t let anyone close.
Mollie’s rejection after our summer made things worse. I didn’t get close to people because I figured they’d end up leaving. My only friends were people who were co-workers or people I didn’t see often. I kept in touch with Dirk and Tom but never let them in too much. My longest relationship was with Shannon and I was ready to break up with her before I caught her cheating.
Sadly, her boyfriend and my therapist was my most trusted friend until I found him balls deep in my girlfriend. I’m still more upset by his betrayal. I knew in my heart that Shannon was temporary. I need to get out of this house before I drive myself to drink so I call Dirk.
“Hey, man, I was just thinking about you,” he says after answering the phone.
“Yeah? Can I come for a visit?” I ask and try not to sound too pathetic.
“Oh, of course, I’ll tell Katie to add a place setting. We are celebrating.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” I say.
“Nah, we are having a few friends and I was going to see if you and Mollie wanted to join us anyway. I figured you’d be having reunion sex since she’s been gone a whole two days.”
“Okay, well, it will just be me, Mollie doesn’t feel well.”
“Bummer,” he says buying my lame lie. “See you in a few.”
After I hang up, I look over to her house. The lights are all off except for her room and the pull to go to her is so strong but I respect her wish to be left alone.
When I pull into Dirk’s driveway, there’s probably about ten cars. I laugh to myself, a few friends to Dirk is like 20 people. The door is open and I walk in, take off my shoes and jacket and head to the kitchen where I hear the party happening.
“Owen!” Katie calls to me and I hug her when she runs to me with open arms. “Everyone, this is Owen. He has been a friend for a long time. Welcome, grab a drink and some food. We are going to play charades in about an hour. Please fill out some slips so we can have more things to guess.”
I find Dirk near the fridge and we bump fists in greeting and then he hands me a root beer. “Don’t have anything stronger, eh?” I tease and he shakes his head.
“You doing alright, Owe?”
“Not really but being here helps.”
He pats my back. “Get some food, Katie made three different kinds of chili and like ten different corn breads. I recommend the white chili and the garlic cornbread.”
The party is nice and everyone is interesting and friendly. I eat my weight in chili and cornbread and switch to water after the one root beer. When we settle down in the humongous sunken living room with a couch as big as my first floor, Dirk and Katie insist on going first.
I didn’t realize until just now that everyone here is a couple except for me. I’m on a team with six other people and I realize we are the only team of seven. “Are we doing the clues in couples?” I ask the guy next to me.
“Yeah, but I can be your partner,” he says and I shrug and settle in to watch the first sober charades game I’ve seen since grade school.
Dirk stands next to Katie and holds his hand out holding up three fingers.
“Three words,” someone calls out and Dirk points to his nose.
Katie gestures to both of them.
“Married.”
“Couple.”
“We.”
