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I should be buzzing with elation, but I’m not. Far from it. As seconds tick past, incredulity transitions to resignation with a sheen of despair.
Because I know Celeste Miller better than anyone on the planet, and she’s going to regret what she did in the morning.
19
“What was I thinking?” I ask into my coffee mug, then shake my head. “That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking. My brain short-circuited.”
Zoey’s eyes are fixed wide, her mouth pinched like she wants to smile but knows better. “Maybe it’s not the end of the world?” she asks hesitantly.
“But it is!” I wince at my ringing voice and glance at the table next to ours in Books & Beans. An elderly couple frowns at me before going back to their books.
I mutter, “Like you’ve never kissed the wrong person by accident.”
Zoey clears her throat. “Let’s focus on the good news. Camp Wild Lake. I can hardly believe it.”
My lips tug upward despite my bad mood. “I know.” Just as fast, I’m frowning again.
“Did you tell your parents?”
“Not yet. I need to see a contract first, to know this is really happening. I mean, I know he wasn’t lying, and I know he’s this hotshot developer with boatloads of money, but what if he changes his mind? What if he realizes this is the worst idea ever and backs out?”
“All understandable concerns.” She leans forward, lowering her voice. “But what if he doesn’t, Celeste? What if this is all real? Is this what you want? Can you envision yourself running a summer camp?”
A shiver peels down my spine. “Yes,” I whisper. “And that’s what scares me. That Lucas is handing me a dream so impossible I never let myself imagine it.”
Kids at Wild Lake again. Building lifelong friendships. All the drama, bonding, and laughter. The smell of sunscreen and campfire smoke. Wet paint and crinkling paper. Lake water drying on sun-warmed skin. Memories that will stay with them forever.
“I just have to figure out a way to deal with Lucas.”
“And how he makes you feel.”
I glare at her. “Can you at least try to sound like you’re on my side?”
She cracks a guilty smile. “Sorry. I get it, though. This is complicated. He’s basically going to be your boss. My advice? Call him before you drive up to the lake this morning. Lay it all out there. The rules or whatever. No touching. No kissing. No flirting. So he knows what to expect.”
My heart jumps into my throat. “Yeah, good idea,” I croak. “Establish professional boundaries.”
“Exactly.”
And therein lies the problem. Despite what I just told Zoey, I’m not sure I want any boundaries—or clothes—between us. Kissing Lucas the boy was thrilling. Intoxicating, even. But ultimately, those moments were flavored with innocence and soured by what came after.
Kissing Lucas the man? Fucking mind-blowing. The most erotic, arousing kiss of my life. I can still taste him. Feel his firm lips and demanding tongue. His confident grip on my head as he devoured my mouth.
“You’re blushing,” notes my best friend.
Shame unfurls poisonous petals inside me, turning my stomach inside out. “It’s Memorial Day,” I whisper in a choked voice. “I can’t talk about this. I can’t think about this.”
Her gaze softens with compassion.
This isn’t just about discovering chemistry with the wrong man. This is Lucas. My childhood best friend. Jeremy’s best friend.
Lucas was my first love, the one who rejected me and broke my heart. And that rejection led me into the arms of my future husband—who made me a mother and ultimately a widow.
No matter how I frame it or minimize it or justify kissing Lucas as a moment of madness, what it feels like is impossible to ignore.
With every thought I have of Lucas, I betray Jeremy’s memory a little more.
My call to Lucas on the way to Wild Lake goes unanswered. I spend the drive hyping myself up for the talk, reminding myself of all the reasons why what happened between us can never happen again. By the time I drive beneath the framed entrance, I’m brimming with resolve.
