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Pausing in the doorway, he looks back. “I didn’t know my dad, but from everything everyone’s told me about him…” His head hangs for a moment, then lifts. “You’re allowed to be happy again, Mom. He’d want that.”
My breath stills.
“I’m gonna make a sandwich and meet the guys for a skate sesh in a bit.” His gaze darts away and a flush blooms on his cheeks. “Then, uh, Daphne wants me to come over and watch a movie. Can you drop me off at Rose House? Around five?”
I nod numbly.
He smiles. “Thanks.” As he heads into the hallway, he throws back, “I’ll make a sandwich for you, too. Eat it!”
When I hear the fridge door open, I snatch my phone off its charger and call Zoey. She answers on the second ring.
“Let me guess,” she drawls, “Damien asked if he could come over tonight.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Ethan’s okay with this?”
“I mean, does he like it? No. If it was anyone but Damien, I’m sure he’d be blowing a gasket.”
I settle back onto my pillows, my grin faltering as the shift wakes up soreness I’d rather pretend didn’t exist.
“So, is this a date? What did Daphne say? She’s so awesome—I never would have had the nerve to ask a boy out at her age, much less invite him to my house.”
Zoey laughs. “She’s more confident than we were, that’s for sure. As for a date, I think it’s more of a hangout, whatever that means. Nothing official. She wanted us to drop her off at the movie theater, but Ethan put an axe to that idea. I made him swear that we’ll give them space tonight, though.”
Feeling lighter than I have all day, I giggle. “This is amazing.”
“It is, isn’t it?” she gushes. “You should just stay after bringing Damien. Have dinner with Ethan and me.” Her voice drops to a conspiratorial murmur. “We can spy on the kids.”
I groan. “Damien would murder me.”
“Then at least do something fun. Is Lucas free? You can have dinner over there and I can text you updates.”
My stomach rolls and drops. “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”
Zoey’s quiet for a beat, then whisper-hisses, “I saw your car over there last night. What happened? Tell me right now, woman. Did you guys kiss?”
I pull the phone from my ear, listening until I hear Damien closing a cupboard in the kitchen. Then I sigh and admit, “It was way more than a kiss.”
I wince at the screech that comes through the phone, then smother a laugh as Zoey coughs and forcefully sobers. “Are you okay?” she asks carefully.
“Yeah.” Then I whisper, “Not really.”
“Oh, Celeste.” Her concern drips through the line. “Do I need to buy a shovel?”
I snort. “You own ten shovels. But no. There won’t be a body to dispose of. He was… it was…”
Amazing. Perfect. The most intense sexual experience I’ve ever had.
Until he whispered those words in my ear. Until I freaked out. Until guilt and shame and self-loathing swallowed me, smothering every ounce of pleasure his touch had brought.
“I don’t need details,” Zoey says softly, “but I’m here if you need someone to listen.”
“Damien suspects there’s something going on,” I blurt. “He saw me crying and looking at old photos of Lucas. He told me Jeremy would want me to be happy.”
Zoey’s silent for so long I check the phone to see if our call dropped. Then she says, “That’s the problem, isn’t it? No matter how many people tell us we deserve happiness, no matter how many times they say it or how sincere they are, it means nothing until we think we deserve it ourselves.”
Fresh tears spring to my eyes. “I feel like I betrayed Jeremy,” I whisper, my eyes on the empty doorway. “I can’t explain it, but I’m sick about it. I’ve never felt this way before, after… you know. But with Lucas, it’s so different. How could I do that to Jeremy? I know it’s stupid, but I can’t stop thinking it.”
I don’t tell her the worst part. That with Lucas, I forgot. I forgot Jeremy. There was only him and the way he made my body sing. The way he’d felt—so right—and the way I’d felt in his arms. Treasured and safe, and so, so wanted.
