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Adrik nodded, then looked to me. “If it doesn’t look better when we take that bandage off, I’m calling a doctor. I’m serious this time, Sephie. I need you better,” he said, his voice angrier than he probably meant it to be.
“Like I don’t? Like I want to be in pain for various reasons for an entire month? Like I want to worry about my hip just falling off from infection? Like I want to worry about not saying anything because I don’t want to worry you with more shit?” He looked somewhat stunned. Ivan smirked at me, nodding discreetly as he turned to leave as quickly as possible. Coward.
Adrik sat down next to me on the bed. He started to speak, then changed his mind. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He stared at the carpet for a few minutes but said nothing. I sat and watched him trying to find the right words. I wasn’t angry, but I also wasn’t going to take his anger at my aversion to doctors. I had my reasons.
He sat up, turning to look at me. His blue eyes were questioning, searching mine trying to find the answer to his silent question. I sighed. “I have a good reason for hating doctors. Can you please just trust me on that one and let me make my own decisions about my body?”
He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it, then thought for a minute more. Finally, he said, “Sephie, I never meant to …”
I cut him off. “I know you didn’t. I know you want me better just as much as I want to be better.” I sighed. “The last month has been a lot. I have a lot going on in my head. Some days I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. The doctor thing will be the proverbial straw that breaks this gazelle’s back if you force it.”
His face softened as he reached up to trace the features of my face with his finger. “Okay. How do I make you better without making it worse?”
“Stop threatening to call a doctor, for one. Let’s try Ivan’s idea. If it doesn’t get better, I promise I will tell you. You just have so much on your mind already that I don’t want to bother you.”
He exhaled. His blue eyes scanned my face, a small smile on his lips. “You still don’t get it. Nothing else matters. You’re the most important thing to me. If you’re not better, I don’t care about any of the rest of it. That’s why I’m so frustrated and why I came across as angry with you. I’m racking my brain trying to come up with ways to fix you and the only solid solution I can think of, you refuse. I don’t know how else to help and quite frankly, it’s a blow to my ego.”
It was my turn to be stunned. He traced his finger lightly over my face once again, the small smile still present. “You’re always taking care of everyone else. Even today. I’m sure you managed to help Ivan with his demons. It doesn’t take that long to find a jar of honey. All while you’re trying to hide the pain you’re in because you don’t want to worry me. I want so desperately to help you, even if it’s only a fraction of the help you give so freely to everyone else. You deserve to be taken care of, Sephie.”
I dropped my gaze, hearing my uncle’s voice in my head. It was a distant whisper now, but it was still there, almost like an echo. Telling me I wasn’t deserving of anything, that no one would ever love me. I shut my eyes, not wanting to hear his voice, not wanting to think about any of this. I felt Adrik’s lips on my forehead. “He’s wrong, you know. Everything he said to you, everything he tried to beat into you. All of it. It’s all wrong. You, above everyone I’ve ever known, are the most deserving of love. The most deserving to be taken care of.” My breath hitched as I tried to choke back a sob. I felt the tears falling on my cheeks, despite my best efforts to keep them contained.
“Sephie, look at me.” I inhaled but didn’t open my eyes right away. I was trying to gain control before opening my eyes. He waited patiently. When I did open my eyes, his deep blue eyes were looking at me as sincerely as I’d ever seen them. He reached up with his thumb and wiped the tears from my eyes. “You’re worthy of everything I can give you and so much more. I love you more than life itself and I will spend the rest of this life and all of the next proving to you that I will always be with you when you’re walking through the shadows of your past.”
I searched his eyes, always looking, always doubting. Never finding the change I was expecting. He held my gaze, letting me search. I was starting to think he kind of liked it. There was an openness to him now that wasn’t there before, like he knew what I was doing and was inviting me in. I chewed on my bottom lip. “How did you know?”
“How did I know what?”
“What my uncle used to say to me.”
“When you were passed out on the plane. You were talking in your sleep. We heard you struggling against what he had constantly told you. It was … haunting.”
My eyes went wide in shock. I had no idea. And they all heard it. “Sephie, you think that people will think less of you because of what you went through, when the reality is that we all admire your strength and wish we had even an ounce of it. What you went through then and what you’ve been through just since I met you would have broken many people. Completely broken them. But you keep going, you keep smiling, you keep bringing joy to everyone’s life while doing dumb shit like not telling me that you’re in pain because you don’t want to bother me.” He smirked at me. I couldn’t help but smile. “You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and I will keep trying to prove that to you, as long as it takes.”
I moved closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. His arm slid around my waist, holding me close. I closed my eyes, lost in my thoughts, still unsure how I got so lucky to have this man love me so completely.
Chapter Forty-One
Adrik
It was early afternoon. Misha had Sephie’s attention, telling her some story. I stood off to the side, watching her as she listened intently to him. Ivan walked up beside me. “Everything okay now, Boss?” I knew he was referring to seeing me get angry with Sephie earlier.
I sighed. “For now, yes. I agreed to lay off the doctor threats, but I don’t know what else to do if she doesn’t start healing.”
He crossed his sizable arms across his chest, turning to look at me in the eyes. “I’m not telling you what to do when it comes to her, Boss, but I recognize the look in her eye when it comes to the thought of doctors. She let us take her to the hospital after she was attacked because she didn’t have a choice. It was basically the same when we got to the ranch up north. She was too exhausted and in shock to protest. There’s something there that she doesn’t want any of us to see yet that prevents her from trusting doctors. It’s the same look I have.”
I thought for a moment. They were very similar in their aversion to doctors. I could easily see that. I didn’t know the whole story on Ivan, but I knew doctors had basically used him as a test subject when he was younger because of his inability to feel pain. I suspected it was not a happy story. I wasn’t sure why Sephie had such a mistrust of doctors, but I was fearful it was also not a happy story.
I exhaled. “I know, Ivan. I know you’re right. I know there’s something there. I just want to help her so badly and I can’t think of a way to make that happen without a doctor. I want her to be well again. I still feel terrible about everything that’s happened.”
“We all do, Boss. Even though she just told me earlier she was going to kick my ass if I didn’t stop it, I still feel terrible about it.”
I chuckled. At least she was back to acting more like herself, despite her pain. “Let’s just hope your honey trick works, so I don’t have to call a doctor and make everything worse.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder. “It will, Boss. You just have to be patient and give her time to heal herself. She’s been through more than most people I know. I don’t think that girl knows how to quit. Let her use that instead of forcing something on her that she doesn’t want.”
I ran my hand through my hair, pondering what Ivan had just said. I closed my eyes, exhaling, trying not to stress over it all. I felt Sephie’s arms slide gently around my waist and her lips press gently to mine. When I opened my eyes, she was looking up at me, her sweet smile stretched across her face. “You look like you just had a very serious conversation.”
I leaned down and kissed her once more. “You’re rubbing off on Ivan. He’s quite good at telling me what I need to hear now.” I looked in the direction where Ivan had been standing, only to see that he was gone.
