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“As long as I’m alive, I will always be there for him. He’s the reason I’m standing here right now.” I smiled sweetly at him, trying to hold it together until we finished this little chat.
“Deal,” he said.
“Thank you, Doctor,” I said, still smiling through the pain I knew was about to come gushing out.
“No, thank you,” he said as he turned to leave. I checked the hallway. It was empty, the floor was mostly quiet. I exhaled loudly, putting my hands on my hips as I walked across the hall and leaned against the wall. I just needed a minute before going back in. I put my hands over my eyes, my head leaned back against the wall. The tears started to come. I couldn’t stop them.
I felt warm hands around my waist, pulling me to him. He didn’t say anything, he just held me close as his hands ran up and down my back. I was fighting to get control as I lost the battle and sobbed against his chest.
“It’s okay, solnishko. Let it out.” I cried for a few minutes, but finally regained control enough that I could look at him. “Was it the doctor? What happened?” he asked, concern on his face.
I shook my head no. “No, the doctor thanked me for saving his life today. They had Ivan strapped to the bed and he was still managing to get up to go after them,” I sucked in a breath as I thought of the sight of Ivan strapped to the bed. I could only imagine how many times in his life he’d been strapped to a medical bed. “As soon as I touched him and talked to him, he didn’t move anymore.” I smiled, remembering how they all jumped away. “Well, not exactly. He grabbed my hand and they all jumped away from the table at once.” I laughed, feeling more tears coming. I looked up at Adrik, tears streaming down my face. “He almost died today. Because of me. Andrei got shot today. Because of me.”
He looked at me, a flood of emotions coming over his face at once. He pulled me to him, resting his chin on top of my head. “No, Sephie. Not because of you. You did nothing, you hear me? None of this is your fault.” He put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back enough that he could look me in the eyes again. “None of this is your fault.”
“I opened my big mouth and told Massimo I know where he hides the bodies. I’m sure it was his men that came after us today. I heard them yelling. They wanted me alive.”
He pulled me back to him, sighing. “It doesn’t matter who it was that came after you today. They’re going to pay. I’m tired of being nice. They’re all going to fear me after today.” He was running his hands up and down my back the way he did when he was trying to keep himself calm. I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly. Part of me didn’t want what I knew was about to happen. The other part of me wanted to unleash hell. At that moment, I wasn’t sure which part would win out.
Well after dark, one of the nurses came in and informed us that visiting hours were ending soon and that we would need to leave. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “I think you should call Dr. Williams and ask him if it’s a good idea for me to leave.” She looked at me like I was a petulant child. I mean, I partially couldn’t blame her. I was too tired to have any sort of tact at that moment. She tried to cop an attitude with me. Everyone but Andrei and Ivan stood up. I took a step toward her, crossing my arms across my chest. “Call Dr. Williams.”
She left the room in a huff and I returned to the side of Ivan’s bed. I felt slightly guilty about torturing him with having to share a bed, but I knew he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t seem to mind.
The nurse came back a few minutes later, her attitude visibly different. She was now overly nice and clearly frightened. She asked us if we’d be needing an extra bed. I put on my best fake smile as I nodded my head yes. She left as quickly as she could. The guys all laughed when she left the room.
“You don’t even need us anymore, gazelle. She’s more scared of you than us,” Misha said, yawning in his chair.
“She doesn’t know I’m the goddamn princess,” I mumbled, crossing my arms again across my chest.
A different nurse came in later with an extra bed. I looked at Misha and nodded my head toward the bed for him to lie down. “You’re clearly tired. You can have the first shift. We’ll be quiet.” He looked at everyone else, who all agreed. Viktor, Stephen, and Adrik were faring better than the rest of us. I was happy making Ivan share, for now. Misha got up and stretched out on the small bed, his legs dangling off the end of the bed.
I laughed. “This is going to be the best night’s sleep you’ve ever had, my giant adorable Russian guardian.”
We were quiet so Misha could sleep. Andrei fell asleep quickly as well. I looked over to find Viktor and Stephen with their eyes closed, their heads leaned back against the wall. Adrik was still concerned about me, and would check on me every so often, but would close his eyes in between. Ivan was awake next to me.
I looked over at him, whispering, “You should sleep, Squishy. I won’t leave. I promise.” He looked at me, the fear in his eyes clearly visible.
“Promise?” he asked. He sounded more vulnerable in that moment than I would have ever imagined he could be.
“Pinky swear, even,” I said, holding my pinky up. He looked at me, puzzled. “Right. Let me introduce you to the pinky swear. It’s the holiest of swears there is. Like completely trumps swearing on all things holy, on your mother’s grave, on your life, all of it. It’s the holiest of holy swears. Like the pope himself can’t even make a pinky swear because he’s not holy enough.”
He chuckled and held his pinky up. I grabbed his pinky with mine. “I pinky swear I will not leave you.”
“Thank you,” he said, a look of relief on his face. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. I looked over to Adrik, catching him watching our exchange.
I smiled at him, trying to let him know I was okay. He just mouthed “I love you” and closed his eyes again. I leaned my head onto Ivan’s shoulder and closed my eyes.
Nobody got much sleep during the night, but it was better than nothing. The nurses would have to come in every few hours to check on Andrei and Ivan. Whoever was on the extra bed would get up and let someone else have a chance to lie down.
Ivan eventually fell asleep, but had troubled dreams throughout the night. He would fall asleep for a bit and I would relax and start to drift off to sleep, only to feel his body start to jerk. I would just lean close to his ear, whispering to him to let him know I was still there, and he would calm down. I tried to be as quiet as I could, but Viktor caught me calming him down.
Viktor looked at me, with a knowing look. “You’re the only one that’s ever been able to do that. This isn’t the first time we’ve been in the hospital with him. It’s never gone this well. Being here brings up whatever is in his past and every time before, he’s struggled for days with it. They can’t sedate him either. We’ve had to hold him down before to keep him from hurting anybody.”
I sighed. “He has reason to be this way. He told me what happened to him. We should all be seriously impressed that he didn’t turn into a real monster.”
Viktor looked surprised. “He told you? Everything?” I nodded my head. “He’s never told anyone.” He thought for a second, before smiling. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”
I smiled at him, looking from him to Ivan sleeping soundly. I sighed again, “Everyone has demons. My demons recognize a few of his and his demons recognize a few of mine. He felt comfortable enough to tell me, I guess.”
